OMG David Denby murdered, literally murdered, blog-plagiarizing newspaper columnist Maureen Dowd, hid her body inside a wall, and wrote her column today! The Great Pundit Bitchfest About Civility 2009 continues: “It’s not. That country is gone. And in terms of biases that have faded, that’s a good thing. But partly due to the Internet, the standards of behavior in this new country are terrible. If Beaver and Wally were around today, they’d likely be writing snarky, revealing blogs about June and Ward.” Ha ha those blogs would be awesome. [NYT]

George Will is such a hot potato right now! BUT A SPINELESS POTATO? He received so much publicity for his other column a few days ago — when he “stunned” Washington by “going Galt” and calling for an end to the millenia-old Afghanistan war, making him the first very serious important pundit to do so, ever — that now he’s like, “Iraq is also no good.” Hmm where’d he get that idea? Probably the Huffington Post or Al Gore one of the other Internet places. MORE »

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Politico fiend Mike Allen is going insane about an upcoming piece from the Washington Post’s very very serious conservative columnist George Will, in which he will offer the “startling recommendation” that maybe our government should end that other Middle East war it started ten million years ago. Choose your own reaction! (1) Who cares what mean old George Will says about anything? (2) Hooray for George Will! You take that stand, George! (3) Ha ha, “pull-out.” [Politico]

It’s been a while since we last checked in on the Washington Post op-ed stable’s elderly “left-center” know-nothing Richard Cohen, the Worst Writer in the World. After a profound month-long streak of weekly 800-word diarrhea baths earlier this year — climaxing with the legendary, “What if Dick Cheney is right?” — Cohen laid low for a while, talked about how nuts George Bush’s Iraq War was for a couple of weeks, safe stuff. NO MORE! Cohen has returned to form triumphantly (sadly) today with just… just a real lousy effort. Man alive. Take your bathroom break *now,* before clicking the clicky, because what you’re about to witness is… a Richard Cohen “concept” column! MORE »

Thursdayington, July Nintheth. Sky Princess Peggington Noonington, famous to children for her sparkling, weekly collection-of-paragraphs in the Wall Street Journal business pamphlet, looks at the Street, 100 miles beneath her Park Avenue Penthouse. She seeth seven Motorcars velocitating through an Intersection of Roads, but no Mexicans. (One time, Peggy Noonan saw a Mexican.) Seven, an odd number: it meaneth, “Tonightington, I disliketh Sarah Palin, the Wolf-Childe, in my Writings of Politick.” Snort ye line of pepper and typeth, Peggington, for those who dareth Read. MORE »

Rancid lying demon & TIME New York Times Washington Post “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol wrote a very funny column about Sarah Palin yesterday and now we are going to make fun of it. MORE »

DON’T FORGET TO PISS ON A ‘DUPLICATION MACHINE’ AS YOU LEAVE: Good blogger/columnist Dan Froomkin has posted his last Washington Post piece today, more than a week after Charles Krauthammer fired him. It is excellent. (Except for the part where he criticizes Tim Russert, which is “too soon” — Michael Jackson only died yesterday!) [White House Watch]

Ah, let’s see how the front page of Washingtonpost.com is promoting its opinion offerings this Friday: ***KRAUTHAMMER & WOLFOWITZ DOUBLE-TOP BILLING BABY, BOMB BOMB BOMB, FAP FAP***; Weird clown discusses health care reform — and the politics thereof!; IRONY: this guy was in the military and dislikes Don’t Ask Don’t Tell!; (oh and some fag we fired yesterday writes snoozer legal babble, just emptying the inventory here, ignore it.) [Washington Post]

The worst writer in the world, Washington Post landed gentry spokeswoman Richard Cohen, has met Elizabeth Edwards and John Edwards too! “I know John and Elizabeth Edwards — not well, just a bit. I’ve been to their house — the old house, the one in Washington. I had breakfast with them. I found her smart, likable. I never knew what to make of him. A three-dollar bill, I always suspected.” He knew about this all along, basically. “She drove me to where I could get a cab. We talked. What about? Can’t remember. Now this. What to think?” Who fucking knows GAHH! MORE »

While you hamburger sacks may conceive of Memorial Day as little more than a free 24-hour session of experimental masturbation R&D, it is actually a “memorial” to those Americans, throughout our History, who have laid down their lives in the service of the King. Your Wonkette would like to thank and honor The Troops past and present, in Mexico and Afghanistan, in Vietnam and Cambodia VIETNAM. Because as notable American word-writer Peggington Noonington opines today, the U.S. hasn’t celebrated any brave war heroes since the strife of the Sixties. (She offers no mention of two of the most popular Americans in America right now, Colin Powell and David Petraeus; perhaps she had imbibed too much Alckoholl.) Let us quote her words and hope that one day, George Washington shall be worthy to our hobbits anew. MORE »