Tag: columnists

Bill Kristol’s Dirtiest Fantasy: Watching Mitt Romney Eat Chicken

How is American journalism's most fearless armchair-warrior, Weekly Standard editor and former New York Times fail dragon Bill Kristol, keeping himself occupied this election? Some may recall his useful role in the last presidential election, which was to recommend...

A Brief Interlude from Richard Cohen

"For all the boredom, the tedium and — most important — the lack of air conditioning, I found a single virtue in my service: I slept in a barracks with 50 other guys" -- Richard Cohen, a funny guy.

Today in Fappery: David Brooks on ‘Burkean Minimalist’ John Roberts

Centrist yuppies can barely handle themselves now, after seeing the Great Man himself, Chief Justice John Roberts, save Obamacare from judicial overreach in a statesmanlike move to protect his Court's honor. It is stunning how much credit a Republican...

David Brooks Collects Enough Pennies To Buy His $4 Million Dream House

Poor ol' New York Times columnist David Brooks, who writes 1600 dumb words for his newspaper per week, and that's it, has purchased a $3.95 million home in Washington, DC. What a thrifty saver, and a model for all...

Mean Old Charles Krauthammer Hated The Berenstain Bears

Jan Berenstain, who co-authored the childrens' book series The Berenstain Bears along with her late husbad, Stan, died last week. This is a tragedy to your Wonkette writer, who read and made bad political jokes about dozens of these...

Richard Cohen Admits Giant Gay Crush On Rick Perry

Lead old fart in the Washington Post's "Eldercare for columnists" division Richard Cohen proclaimed his manly affection for Texas bozo barbie Rick Perry, not for something inane/worthwhile like "policy reasons," but because the hot waves of bubbling stool ever-flowing out of...

Chuck Norris’ ‘Pastor’ Writes All of His Plagiarized Columns

Since your Wonkette cracked the case on Chuck Norris' hilariously poorly veiled plagiarism in his columns, the professional kicker's people have refused to talk to us, and his syndicate, which still feautures Norris on its website, has refused multiple...

Evil Communist Youths Refuse To Let Financial Columnist Pay For Lemonade

Terry Savage is a personal finance columnist for the Chicago Sun-Times because that is a thing newspapers need probably. Usually she blabbers on about student loans and annuities and such, but her latest column is VERY IMPORTANT FOR AMERICA....

Pulitzer Prize Columnist: Does Elena Kagan Not Meet ‘Ordinary-People Principle,’ By Being Terrible?

The Washington Post's Kathleen Parker, recently named the best commentator in all of American journalism by the Pulitzer Prize committee, has written some crap today about, let's see, Elena Kagan, the arch-lesbian. Is Elena Kagan not ordinary enough to...

Richard Cohen Wants Obama To ‘Go Crazy’ On The Country Iran

The World's Worst Writer has a Battle Plan for Iran! "I have no idea whether Ahmadinejad merely acts crazy or is crazy. I do know, though, that Iran seems intent on getting nuclear weapons and the missiles to deliver...

Washington Post Is Now Chuck Lane’s Show

Has the hilariously factless trope-goblin Chuck Lane, Washington Post editorial board member and off-and-on columnist, not yet been cemented as a Wonkette Character yet? Guy's been on a tear! Here's the deal: Chuck Lane is a Very Serious Centrist...

Washington Post Opiners Debate: What About Retards?

The recent very serious edition of the Washington Post tackled the question of Retards: what of this word, "retard"? Are there perhaps pros and cons to the word "retard," and can we divide the competing arguments into two page-filling...

LATEST SOCIOPATHIC WAR-LOVING DEATH MONSTER GETS WEEKLY WASHINGTON POST COLUMN: The only "big name" missing from today's sunny Washington Post op-ed roster, regrettably, was occasional contributor Marc Thiessen, a former Bush speechwriter (just like Gerson, hey-o!) who absolutely loves...

Today’s WaPo Columns: Better Than Crapping Your Pants

Friday is a special day at the beloved Washington Post opinion center: the day when you, the reader, are most likely to look at the front-page teasers on washingtonpost.com and burst into hysterical laughter, without clicking on any of...

KATHLEEN PARKER'S NEIGHBOR WILL SHOVEL YOUR SNOW: Don't worry! The latest snowfall did not disrupt Kathleen Parker's scheduled Washington Post column today. PHEW. It is about how men, like her USA Today columnist neighbor, enjoy shoveling snow for fun,...

When Will This Administration Devote More Resources Towards Saving Richard Cohen From Browns?

He's ba-ack! Tenured Washington Post oxygen-consumer Richard Cohen, the World's Worst Writer, has constructed another hilarious screed about Terrorism from the chunks of waste that have long lingered in his adult diaper. At least that's our guess! We...