Columbia Heights: Where white hipsters can watch from a comfortable distance as low-income minorities are murdered. This is what scholars call the “two cities” problem. [Why I Hate DC]
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What would happen if you joined the Marines and then were sent to Okinawa to play with radios but then got bored and pretended to have PTSD and then told little children that you ate a grenade to save Lt. Dan during a heavy firefight in Fallujah and then bought a bunch of medallions to pin on your shirt from eBay and then got all sorts of free goodies because everyone thought you were a fabulous war hero? Thanks to the efforts of a brave Marine, we now have the answer. [Washington Times] MORE »

Tonight through Sunday, August 30: Not that we haven’t already told you 1,000 times, but it’s (still) restaurant week! And it will even be Restaurant Week next week too. Make a reservation, eat a meal for $35.09, plus tax and gratuity and drinks (which some would argue is a rip-off), and feel like a real Washingtonian, because eating prix fixe meals is what we do. [Restaurant Week]
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A new wine bar, Room 11, just opened in the District, and it’s in Columbia Heights! We don’t lie, neighborhood is changing FAST. Located across the street from a laundromat and a small local grocery store (which, according to the owner of Room 11, will surely start selling tonic water and upscale wine to cater to the new folks in the hood), Room 11 is a nice little addition to the area. But don’t expect anything too exciting. MORE »

August is a miserably hot month that serves no purpose other than to remind us a) that we wasted June and July and b) that we should probably do something valuable with our lives. We don’t even get any holidays — it’s just a harbinger of bad things to come, like the end of summer. So, we have made it our DUTY to bring some semblance of meaning to this otherwise unimportant month, but so far all we’ve come up with is YOU using August to relax and get in touch with your soul via … yoga. MORE »

The young intern was hungry for some popcorn, so she put her intern badge in the microwave. Later she spilled some cranberry juice on her favorite pleated skirt, so she used her intern badge to rub the stain out. And after another long day of indexing toenail clippings, the exhausted young intern walked to Metro Center and swiped her intern badge over the SmarTrip reader. Why me? She thought to herself as she took the metro home. Why did God choose me? And for a moment she felt undeserving. [Spotted: DC Interns] MORE »

If you mark the beginning of Spring in DC by the emergence of cherry blossoms, a resurrected Jesus, or homeless people sleeping in Dupont Circle, we regret to inform you that you’ve made a grievous error. Spring does not actually begin in DC until hordes of women and men alike don sundresses in a ritual celebration of ill-fitting muumuus, dead pigs, and cheap beer. MORE »

As the weather warms up, many brunch seekers head to the Heights in Columbia Heights for its enjoyable outdoor setting and its extensive, and complicated, Bloody Mary menu. Unfortunately, the food is bad. MORE »

* “It seems to me that if the city is going to legislate a smoking ban and effectively throw us smokers into the street, that the least they could do is pony up and put ashtrays on every busy block.” [Good at Drinking, Bad at Life]
* “Only in DC do you see advertisements for military aircraft on public transit … Boeing’s C-27J spartan cargo and tactical transport aircraft.” [Life Off Balance]
* Beautiful picture of Columbia Heights. [Night Writer]
* “Giant local employer Fannie Mae expects it will lay off hundreds of workers in the wake of huge federal fines imposed in their accounting scandal. We’re sorry, unsuspecting Fannie Mae employees.” [DCist]
* “Vince Gill and Amy Grant!? I hate to spoil it for all you fans, but I bet they play ‘House of Love’ as their encore. I’m not linking to the lyrics to that musical abortion because they are insipid and the song will just end up stuck in your head and I don’t want to do that to you. I’m looking out for my readers. If Tony Snow’s cancer was a song, it would be ‘House of Love.’ It eats away at the very core of who you are.” [why.i.hate.dc]

• Federal law enforcement agents providing security for your move to the ghetto may look tough, but there’s no chance in hell they can run down a crackhead. [Wanderings In DC]

• New members of Columbia Heights gentry find 14th St. uncivilized, learn foreign curses. [Fictional Rockstar]
• Crime-stopping youth curfew starts tonight, but if you’ve got the lawn-cutting money to spare go ahead and buy a loophole. [Pygmalion In A Blanket]
• Redesigned metro cars were unveiled today with new seat layout but same earth tones. [FreeRide]
• What the mayoral candidates will admit to drinking. [Winesmith]
• Baseball trade deadline passes and Nationals hold on to the only good player they’ve got, still plan to lose 60% of remaining games. [ESPN]

* Apparently, the residents of Columbia Heights are determined to unleash a Cyclism of their own. [DCist]
* Look, fans of the GWU Colonials, there’s no reason to be down. All you have to do is make it to the second round and do the exact same thing your crosstown rivals did to bring all the talk of you being overrated to a crashing halt. Put your trust in Pops. [Colonial Hoops]
* As predicted, Democrats run away in chickenshit terror at the sight of Russ Feingold’s balls. [Washington Post]
* In case you were wondering why Wonkette’s hair wasn’t washed this morning. [Washington Post]