colorado
Hey teens! Are you ready for the most magical night of your lives, when you will go to Manitou Springs City Hall and dance like you are pretending to do butt-sechs, and then later you will finally lose your stupid virginity in a haze of Bartles & Jaymes? That’s right, PROM NIGHT! Well, two chaperones [...]
We thought it was pretty special last week when Colorado House Speaker Frank McNulty killed a civil union bill dead by fleeing the chamber and never coming back. But the goddamn zombie civil union bill ROSE FROM THE DEAD when the stupid governor ordered the Lege into a special session to vote on it and [...]
Why won’t the Colorado legislature vote on questions of significance instead of these silly old civil unions, and the DREAM Act, and medical marijuana? That is what Colorado House Speaker Frank McNulty wanted to know after some of his fellow Republicans voted to let a civil unions bill out of committee and to the floor [...]
We think this might have been how Bing Crosby looked when he got too much Scotch in him and started beating on his wife and kids. What brings the scary early scenes of The Stepfather out of mild-mannered Mittens? QUESTIONS! Questions about gay marriage, and children of undocumented workers getting in-state tuition, and medical marijuana, [...]
Whoa hey, look at those numbers in Minnesota, Missouri and Colorado for Mittens. Two out of three isn’t so bad. And the sheer numbers of votes — tens and hundreds of thousands! What a world. The only problem is that those are his numbers from the 2008 primary cycle, when he still ended up losing [...]
Uhh, wasn’t this supposed to be wrapped up by now? No. Not when all your candidates are so terrible. Rick Santorum is back in the race, in other words. He won Missouri! That’s … let’s see, 55% for Santorum, which is DOUBLE Mitt Romney’s second place finish. Meanwhile, in the “near the Mormons” state of [...]
Rick Santorum is going to ruin America tonight! No but listen: The nominating contests in Colorado, Missouri, and Minnesota tonight are non-binding, inconsequential in general because Mitt Romney will still win the nomination, and… dumb… we don’t know… but will possibly have the effect of crowning Rick Santorum as the main alternative to Mittens, which [...]
You were so sure this headline was finally at long last going to be referring to Rick Perry, but still no dice. (Seriously, though, WHEN???) This time it’s America’s one-time Sheriff of the Year Patrick Sullivan, the Republican former top law enforcement official of Arapahoe County, Colorado, who is in trouble for “the usual” with [...]
Rep. Doug Lamborn of Colorado was very frustrated last Friday, about the debt ceiling. So he did what any reasonable Republican congressperson would do, which was to use some creative language to complain about President Obama on a local radio show. Specifically, he said that being associated with President Obama was like being stuck to [...]
Lawmakers in Colorado decided that the mere $186,500 they will save annually by eliminating state Medicaid coverage of routine circumcisions was still worth it, because, whatever, why not, they aren’t really necessary for medical reasons. Who can resist these kinds of dumb headlines, anyway? Nobody. Probably other, actually devastating things were also cut (there’s that [...]
There are no pressing issues in Colorado, so the state Senate is hearing public testimony regarding “civil unions” (butt sex). That’s why this scary old lady from the “Eagle Forum” decided to lecture lawmakers on the proper use of the anus and the sphincter — and by “proper,” she definitely does not mean she’d like [...]
Sorry, there may be a typo in that headline. Dick Wadhams on Monday unexpectedly dropped his bid for re-election as chair of the Colorado Republican Party, warning GOP leaders that their chances in 2012 could be “severely undermined” by a strategy aimed solely at uniting conservatives. Wadhams said he had the votes to land a [...]
Colorado’s amiable, reasonable fellow Michael Bennet has won himself a full term in the Senate, according to The Denver Post, denying the Teabagger Caucus yet another member in the Senate. Ken Buck obviously gave his state a lot of great reasons to vote for him, from not knowing the First Amendment to not prosecuting rape [...]
What is it with this strange phenomenon of Teabagger candidates saying the separation of church and state is not covered in the First Amendment? According to Buck, the Constitution says the government cannot “sanction” a religion, but that doesn’t mean church and state have to be “separate.” Huh? Do you really want Kenyan King Obama [...]
