Tag Archives: colorado

  you keep a-knockin’ but you can’t come in

Colorado Is Straight-Up Stoned All the Time, And Everything Is Awesome

So the weed has been legal in Colorado for, like, a year now, which affords us the opportunity to analyze how much of it Coloradans — or at least, those who can access legal weed, since only 67 of the state’s 321 jurisdictions permit it, but OK, all the important ones do — are smoking and eating and otherwise using to enter Maureen Dowd-style cannabis-induced psychoses in their hotel rooms. Read more on Colorado Is Straight-Up Stoned All the Time, And Everything Is Awesome…
  Historical Apoplexy

Colorado District Decides It’s OK With Real History After All, Keeps AP Classes

Hey, Kids, you won one! Now get back to studying!
Finally some Nice Time from the War On Advanced Placement U.S. History! The Jefferson County school board in Colorado has decided to cancel its plans to review the APUSH framework, apparently deciding that it didn’t want to be in the same anti-education club as Georgia and Oklahoma. Jefferson County had made news four months ago when students walked out of several Denver-area schools to protest the board’s plan to review all curricular material to make sure it would “promote patriotic material, respect for authority, and the free-market system.” That proposal was eventually watered down to eliminate the more censorship-y parts, and now the board has decided to drop even that review. It will go ahead and implement the College Board’s revised framework for APUSH, which became a rightwing Culture War fetish in several states after the Republican National Committee decided the new standards didn’t love America enough. Read more on Colorado District Decides It’s OK With Real History After All, Keeps AP Classes…
  the only way to stop a bad guy with a shirt is a good guy with a shirt

Please Do Not Wear These Gun T-Shirts If You Are Black

Very fashion, so privilege
Small businesses, we are told, are the engine of our economy, the soul of capitalism, the American dream itself realized, workshops of imagination from whence spring innovation and dynamism like sweat from a (non-migrant) farmer’s sun-beaten brow. So it was with a sense of pride and giddy anticipation that we read that the owner of a small Colorado billiards supply store had decided to branch out into fashion. Then we saw what his mind had wrought. Gun shirts. Shirts that make it look like you’re carrying a gun. Read more on Please Do Not Wear These Gun T-Shirts If You Are Black…
  Pros: Artisanal Beers. Cons: Artisanal Pioneer Epidemics.

Colorado Wants To Make It Easier For Kids To Spread Disease, Because America

It's sort of a no-relief map
As measles is spreading all over the place, including this latest outbreak in Chicago, Colorado has a great idea to make things even worse! Oh, sure, maybe Colorado already has the nation’s lowest rate of vaccinations for measles, mumps, and rubella; just 82 percent of school-aged kids have had the federally recommended two-dose vaccine that provides adequate protection. But now the state legislature is considering a proposal to strengthen parents’ rights to refuse to vaccinate their kids. Read more on Colorado Wants To Make It Easier For Kids To Spread Disease, Because America…
  never mind

Obamacare Fails To Ruin Another Person’s Life And Fox News Is ON IT

looking...for...unicorn
How is Obamacare ruining your life today? Fox News host Tucker Carlson thinks that he knows how Obamacare is ruining your life if you live in Colorado, let’s see if he is correct! Colorado’s health care exchange, Connect for Health Colorado, glitched out last week and cancelled the health insurance of 3,600 Coloradans who went on the state’s exchange to shop for another plan. Tucker Carlson invited perfect Fox News victim Steven Roussel, an articulate white guy, to describe the absolute horror of this bureaucratic glitch, or, as Tucker Carlson put it, “Kafka comes to Colorado!” Indeed! Tell us more, Steven Roussel: Read more on Obamacare Fails To Ruin Another Person’s Life And Fox News Is ON IT…
  A Tale of Woe and Christian Oppression

Anti-Gay Man Wants Gay Dudes All Over His Cake, But Not in a Gay Way

As a mommyblog dedicated to Strong Christian Principles® and Also Booze, your Wonkette feels it is our duty to inform you that it has not been easy being a Christian in America as of late. The Homosexual Intifada bears down on the poor oppressed majority, denying Christians even the basic right to have every single thing they want, all the time, forever. Read more on Anti-Gay Man Wants Gay Dudes All Over His Cake, But Not in a Gay Way…
  Exorcise the Law Demons

Totally Sane Colorado State Rep. Gordon Klingenschmitt To Do Something Very Sane, We Bet

This man's candidacy will be a load of fun
Oh boy, Doctor Chaps is back! We’ve so missed his weekly declarations of demonic possession now that he got a big boy job in the Colorado legislature. You might remember the self-proclaimed Doctor Chaps (his words!) as the teevee preacher man who believes that Barack Obama is literally possessed by demons. Like literally literally. As in demonic possession was literally this guy’s dissertation. Read more on Totally Sane Colorado State Rep. Gordon Klingenschmitt To Do Something Very Sane, We Bet…
  We Don't Care What You Do In Your Own Urn But...

Colorado Church Cancels Funeral Because Dead Woman Excessively Gay

They're OK with the gay, but not the really GAY gay
Get ready to hear from the Oppressed Christian Brigade again. Not only are family-corrupting gay people demanding marriage equality, now they want funeral equality too! In Lakewood, Colorado, New Hope Ministries was all set to perform a funeral Saturday for Vanessa Collier, who died in December. But the church cancelled the service 15 minutes after it was scheduled to begin, because the church objected to a memorial video that included several photos of Collier proposing to her wife, Christina Higley, with gross lady kissing that would make Jesus sad: Read more on Colorado Church Cancels Funeral Because Dead Woman Excessively Gay…
  outstanding achievements in shitmuffinry

Nominate Your Terrible Local Lawmakers for Legislative Sh*tmuffin of the Year!

It’s that time of year again, Wonketeers! We’re gathering nominations for our coveted Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year award. Competition for 2014 honors in both national and state divisions has been fierce and we want to be sure we don’t overlook any worthy nominees, particularly among those who ply their trade in the state capitol buildings across our great nation. Read more on Nominate Your Terrible Local Lawmakers for Legislative Sh*tmuffin of the Year!…
  buzzkills

Nebraska and Oklahoma Harshing Colorado’s Mellow With Totally Uncool Lawsuit, Man

Colorado is coming up on its one-year weediversary! In keeping with the paper gift traditionally given on first anniversaries, two of its neighbors went in on a lovingly handcrafted lawsuit. In the most serious legal challenge to date against Colorado’s legalization of marijuana, two neighboring states have asked the U.S. Supreme Court to strike down the history-making law. Read more on Nebraska and Oklahoma Harshing Colorado’s Mellow With Totally Uncool Lawsuit, Man…
  Smoke your medicine

Colorado Is Gonna Smoke All The Marijuana — For Science!

It's for SCIENCE
Now that every single person in Colorado is hiiiiiiiigh on the reefer — except for lawyers; no weed for you, esquires — the state is going to invest your hard-earned pot dollars in scientific research to find out just how freakin’ awesome medical marijuana really is: Read more on Colorado Is Gonna Smoke All The Marijuana — For Science!…
  Pretty Sure Jefferson And Adams Never Mentioned Feminazis

Rush Limbaugh’s Crappy Books Will Save Kids From A.P. History

Why teach American history when you can worship it instead?
The Grand Freakout over revisions to the Advanced Placement U.S. History (APUSH) exam continues. As you recall, the College Board’s changes to the APUSH test — which downplay memorization and emphasize more engagement with primary historical texts — have set off all kinds of fretting on the right, which worries that students won’t be told that America is the kindest bravest warmest most wonderful nation that’s ever existed. Read more on Rush Limbaugh’s Crappy Books Will Save Kids From A.P. History…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Rachel Hearts Gordon ‘Demon Slayer’ Klingenschmitt (Video)

Let the heeling begin
On Friday’s Rachel Maddow Show, we learned that Rachel, too, is just as susceptible as we are to the charms of Colorado internet preacher — and newly elected member of the Colorado House — Gordon Klingenschimitt, who likes to exorcise Barack Obama, calling on God to drive out the “demon of tyranny who is using the White House occupant.” Read more on Morning Maddow: Rachel Hearts Gordon ‘Demon Slayer’ Klingenschmitt (Video)…
  New plan

Democrats Have Great Exciting New Idea: Being Democrats

Here, Dems, is your new business model
Photo by Tim Pierce Here’s an idea that’s so crazy, it just might work! After the thorough ass-kicking the Democratic Party suffered on Election Day, some Democrats are considering the possibility that maybe running “Democratic” candidates who are embarrassed to be Democrats is not the best way to appeal to the Democratic Party. Crazy, huh? With candidates refusing to support Obamacare, refusing to support Democratic policies, refusing to even say “Hell, yes, I voted for Barack Obama because I am a Democrat, DUH,” the new minority is thinking maybe it’s time to get back to being Democrats. Read more on Democrats Have Great Exciting New Idea: Being Democrats…
  Every Single One Of Us The Devil Inside

Gordon Klingenschmitt To Slay All The (Literal) Demons In The Colorado House

Gordon KlingenWingen Schmitzennutt
Yr Wonkette would just like to know: is there somewhere we can subscribe to a 24/7 video stream of the Colorado House of Representatives when it starts its next session? Because one of our favorite crazies, disgraced former Navy chaplain and nutso webcast preacher Gordon “Dr. Chaps” Klingenschmitt won election to the District 15 seat by a whopping 40-point margin over some sane Democrat lady. Mr. Klingenschmitt is a truly epic figure — he was court-martialed and kicked out of the Navy in 2011 for wearing his uniform at a White House protest, which gave him just the right “oppressed Christian” cred to become a national hero to wingnuts. At every opportunity, he explains that literal demons are at work in people he disagrees with, from The Gays to Barack Obama to public school teachers, and probably cable installers who don’t show up on time, because Satan and his Army of Darkness are everywhere. Read more on Gordon Klingenschmitt To Slay All The (Literal) Demons In The Colorado House…
  Unicorns are also real

Nope, Still No Voter Fraud In Colorado

It's super easy to do
Are you still worried that Colorado is a hotbed of voter fraud? You’re supposed to be, according to convicted criminal “journalist” James O’Keefe, who went there to prove that Democrats are totally stealing all the ballots. (Spoiler: He did not prove that.) And there’s also been some Olympic-level concern trolling by Colorado’s Republican Secretary of State Scott Gessler, who insisted that the United States Postal Service is “the greatest vehicle for disenfranchisement in the country.” Read more on Nope, Still No Voter Fraud In Colorado…
  Wonkette Guide to Electoral Shenanigans

Here’s Your Complete Guide To Frauding The Vote On Election Day

  When it comes to threats against fair elections in America, voter fraud is the new Black Panthers. The way everyone’s talking about electoral integrity this fall, people must be fake-voting coast to coast! With the midterm elections coming up on Tuesday, it’s time to ask: Is voter fraud right for you? Read more on Here’s Your Complete Guide To Frauding The Vote On Election Day…
  Your Morning Maddow

Rachel Maddow Does Science To Rightwing Myths About IUDs (Video)

O'Douls? Possibly the cruellest cut of the whole bit.
Rachel Maddow took a trip to the Man Cave (or the green screen version of one) Wednesday night to debunk a deeply held article of faith about one form of birth control that could be outlawed if Colorado passes its third try at a “personhood amendment.” Abortion opponents also want to ban a whole bunch of contraceptives, and they say that intrauterine devices(IUDs) have to go because they’re abortifacients. They aren’t, but the notion is also near and dear to the heart of Colorado Republican gubernatorial candidate Bob Beauprez. So why the trip to the mancave? Turns out, guys, the IUD is just hell on sperms, as a doctor lady from the University of Colorado Hospital explains in this video. So no, a lady with an IUD in her innards is not a walking abortionplex. Read more on Rachel Maddow Does Science To Rightwing Myths About IUDs (Video)…
  Your Morning Maddow

Let’s Go Weed Shopping In Denver With Rachel Maddow (Video)

The simile seems lost on Rachel
Rachel Maddow was in Denver for a live broadcast Tuesday night. Warning: It’s a little weird to watch the news with an audience applauding and cheering in the background. The highlight (ha!) of the episode was Maddow’s visit to a dispensary of “recreational meds,” aka “weed,” “pot,” “dope,” “Mary Jane,” “reefer,” or “why Phish had a career.” She’s introduced to the world of boutique dispensary operation, from the goofy — as she goes down the steps into the store, she notes that it “smells like college” — to the mundane practical challenges of running a business that’s legal under state law, but not under national law, which means dispensaries can’t keep their money in banks. It’s funny and informative, and Rachel closes by confirming that, in the state of Colorado, she now knows that she’s “a certified dork.” Read more on Let’s Go Weed Shopping In Denver With Rachel Maddow (Video)…
  Ballot Battle 2014

James O’Keefe Looks For Voter Fraud In Colorado, Finds Nothing. Again.

Ever since we heard the news that James O’Keefe had launched a voter fraud scavenger hunt in Colorado, we’ve been eagerly waiting, as we’re sure you have, Wonketteers, for his latest video to drop. Now that we’ve had a chance to see the highlight reel of O’Keefe’s Rocky Mountain Mustache Caper,  purporting to show Democratic Sen. Mark Udall’s “advocates” standing by while an army of fraudulent voters gear up to steal the election, we have to say we’re a little disappointed. Read more on James O’Keefe Looks For Voter Fraud In Colorado, Finds Nothing. Again….
  It Could Happen

How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not

The first time I set eyes on Nate Silver, I just got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone him.
It looks like Republicans are probably going to control the Senate next year despite how people don’t like them, according to Nate Silver’s FiveThirtyEight blog and other respected nerds. In 2012, Silver famously predicted the winner of every Senate race, which was an impressive achievement for him but so boring for us. It was like finding your Christmas/”holiday” presents early. You’ll go through the motions of unwrapping your Regrets Her Abortion Barbie and Nature Despoiled II: The Warmening For Sega SexBox, but there’s no climax. The moment is flaccid; that is to say, unsuited to penetrating intercourse, never mind entertainment. Read more on How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not…