• For years, McCain has been serving as imperial warrior-king of Colombia. He is tasked with pleasuring the leader of “Chiquita” (a leftist banana terror group) and ruling FARC, which is “Acorn” in Spanish. [Hendrik Hertzberg]
• Palin says that she would tell people to stop calling Obama a terrorist if she ever heard people call him a terrorist, and, of course, if he weren’t actually a terrorist. Which he is.  [The Caucus]
• Crypto-Republican liar Judith Miller, the journalist-rogue who would not play by the rules, has been adopted by Fox News! [Gawker]
• John Kerry used a “homonym”—Massachusetts-speak for a gay pun—to say this horrifying and graphic thing about the preferred environs of his and John McCain’s genitalia. [Ben Smith]
• Conservative think-tank Facebook has hired Alberto Gonzales’ former chief of staff, which explains why its RSS feed, an insidious socialist information dissemination method, is mysteriously partially broken. [AMERICAblog]

Nobody is too enthused about this whole McCain deal, and time is slowing to a crawl as the Voting Public and News Media realize they need to pretend to care about this until a week after Halloween, which seems like 10,000,000 years away, and may never happen anyway, because of the Nuclear War with Iran or whatever Cheney’s working on, for an encore. But Juan McCain is out there all the time, presumably, doing things, campaigning to his constituency (in Mexico), etc. Let’s check in, because there has been a Campaign Shake Up!!! MORE »

Hillary Clinton is going to have to dig a little deeper in her coterie of supporters if she’s going to weed out all the fat creeps who secretly love free Colombian trade. The latest snake in the grass: her husband, former President Bill Clinton. Where is that mythical bus, so that she can throw him under it? MORE »

In a conference call today with his PR firm’s managing directors, Hillary Clinton’s disgraced Colombian-loving rapacious Janus-faced lardbot Svengali and most despised chief strategist Mark Penn revealed that he isn’t really going anywhere. He will still be “very much involved” with the Clinton campaign but he won’t be called a chief strategist anymore. MORE »

For a few sad weeks in March, beloved Clinton advisor Mark Penn mysteriously disappeared. We expected Hillary was loaning herself another $5 million to keep Penn chained up someplace quiet with a large collection of porn and snack foods. But in fact new reports tell us he has been meeting with the Colombian ambassador to discuss a bilateral free-trade agreement … which his boss Hillary Clinton opposes. Next thing you know he will be meeting with the CANADIANS to talk about how much he secretly loves Nafta. MORE »

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Condi’s been a gal-on-the-go, a veritable Mary Tyler Moore of the diplotaunte circuit. She traipsed from Switzerland to Germany and then all the way to Colombia and back again. More importantly, using advanced Wonkette Shoe Identification Technology, we can reveal the shocking news that Madame Secretary has shifted her footwear allegiance from Ferragamo to Manolo. All this, Oliver North, and Robert Novak’s wistful dreams of a Condi vice presidency … after the jump!

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At the moment, the Colombians — our staunched Latin American friends in trade and the drug war — have a bit of a problem with right-wing extremists infiltrating the highest levels of their government and then murdering trade unionists. MORE »

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Last month we blogged about the holiday trip that Sens. Arlen Specter and Jeff Sessions took to Central and South America. Now, a postscript on their trip. MORE »