Wonkette

A fancy Georgetown University student has S.O.S.ed about a new plague in the school’s rich fat cat neighborhood, far beyond the reach of the Metro: “A message from officials at Georgetown now confirms that the campus is just riddled with sickness. We’re all infected with norovirus, a flu thing that is caused by ‘fecal contamination’ and is highly contagious!” Oh well how does John McCain feel now about his insult to Georgetown yesterday hmm? Does he think it’s funny that this could spread from campus and GEORGE WILL COULD DIE FROM THE AIDS CANCER AT A COCKTAIL PARTY? MORE »

We are only hours away from John McCain and Barack Obama’s 9/11 Forum at New York City’s Columbia University, and no one cares. But! Our own Intern Juli actually attends this bratty college and has written about the campus atmosphere leading into the event. Juli’s secret dispatch suggests that a bunch of spoiled snobs are whining about nothing. Who could have predicted?

As no one outside Columbia’s three block campus would ever know, today is a very exciting day in Morningside Heights. John McCain and Barack Obama are coming to the student center to talk about the importance of Service, and 9/11, which is today’s date. And the entire student body will watch the thing from a giant flatscreen teevee on the steps of an administration building, because Columbia hates its students. MORE »

Aging pretty-boy multi-millionaire John Edwards was a senator for a few years after a lucrative career as a personal-injury lawyer. For some reason, this made him John Kerry’s pretend vice president, which led to a sweeping Edwards’ fail in this year’s Democratic primary. And now he’s shutting down the scholarship program he started for poor kids at a North Carolina high school. MORE »

Hey college kids, are you looking for an exciting internship opportunity that’s guaranteed to launch you into the successful career of your choice? If you answered “No,” then we’ve got the perfect dead-end solution: John McCain is looking for interns! In Arlington, Virginia! It’s unpaid, but don’t worry about that: if you display a basic competency in Microsoft Word — you understand how to change fonts when required, for example — you could be managing the campaign all by yourself within a matter of weeks! The forwarded job description e-mail, after the jump. MORE »

So we got this email (addressed to Andrew Sullivan) from a guy who claims to be “a former student of Obama,” and he shares exciting details of the Obama Classroom from a dozen years ago. Do you want to read this? There are parts about how well dressed Professor Obama was, compared to the usual Law School slobs. And this “former student” account was supposedly written by an “Adam B,” yet a “Martin Rosenberg” sent the gmail! So much intrigue! (UPDATE: All figured out, as Adam B. writes us to say he posted this on Daily Kos in 2007! Okay, then, let’s read it! MORE »

Dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb dumb, dumb dumb dumb dumb. That is one “dumb” for each paragraph of Jonah Goldberg’s Los Angeles Times column today. For the record, we did not expect it to be “good,” in the traditional sense — we didn’t expect to read it at all! But 18 paragraphs of unmitigated “dumb” has a strangely magnetic appeal during this lazy news season. So let’s check out Jonah’s column, in which he argues that Obama’s plan to offer educational aid as a reward for national service is somehow both (a) welfare and (b) slavery. Europe, MTV, “the JFK cult,” and Rolling Stone magazine also play bit parts in Jonah’s remarkable paean to the God of Shit. MORE »

MATT DRUDGE GAY STRIPPER CHAKA KHAN OUTRAGE: When Drudge was growing up in Maryland, he was friends with a dude who later became a college professor in Washington and then a gay stripper, and has now written a book, which mentions how Drudge totally loved Chaka Khan back in the day. [Gawker]

New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol’s youth and young manhood was exactly this: Manhattan prep school, Harvard, more Harvard. Since then, he has devoted his career to sending other young people to die in catastrophic wars based on a false ideology of pre-emptive regime change. But as he notes in his column today, despite these great achievements, he can’t write an adequate commencement speech! MORE »

Back when he was a young pup, Barack Obama went to college. Some of his former classmates remember he was a supernice guy who stood up to menacing bums; others say he was aloof; and still others ask, “Barry who?” Such was the wonderful enigmatic palimpsest of Barack Obama back in the days when he wore “$5 military-surplus khakis and used leather jackets” and roomed with some guy who later became a loser due to his cocaine addiction. MORE »

Today Barack Obama’s political fate rests in the hands of 19-year-old college students who now must choose between bong rips, taking their final exams, finally getting with that senior they drunkenly “friended” on Facebook last October, and voting. You see, The Kids have many competing priorities in the spring and only one of them involves their beloved Barry. MORE »