Wonkette

Well “my friends” it is Friday and this is precisely the sort of headline that will either make people click the clicky to READ MORE or just go “ugh” and vomit quietly in their shoes. Because seriously who wants to know about Ted Stevens’ long love affair with former Secretary of State Colin Powell, a man who has built a career defending the veracity and reputations of unreconstructed crooks? MORE »

OBVIOUS UPDATE: Ha ha, fucking Bill Kristol. "I do not have time to waste on Bill Kristol’s musings,” Powell told ABC News. “I am not going to the convention. I have made this clear." [ABC News]

Reliable New York Times reporter Bill Kristol tells Fox News that once-popular Republican Colin Powell will endorse Barack Obama, the Democratic nominee, and might even be giving a speech at the DNC or introducing Obama at the Stadium Concert with the Decemberists or who knows! Very exciting, we guess? Colin Powell is famous for being a black Republican warlord who “sold” the UN on the 2003 Iraq invasion, which has been the biggest debacle in American History. OBVIOUS UPDATE: Ha ha, fucking Bill Kristol. "I do not have time to waste on Bill Kristol’s musings,” Powell told ABC News. “I am not going to the convention. I have made this clear." [Fox News]

Have you heard of these frightening creatures called “Obamacons”? They fold up into trucks and shoot laser beams out of their eyes, and they have terrifying names like “Chuck Hagel” and “Colin Powell.” But are they good or evil? That depends on whether or not you’re Robert Novak, who wrote a column or something about them today. MORE »

We hear Colin Powell is slowly stockpiling property in Manhattan’s Upper West Side. The former secretary of state dropped $2.76 million for a seven-room apartment on West 93rd. Meanwhile, there have been reports that Sen. Clinton’s mother Dorothy sold her Little Rock condominium for $304,000 (hey, it’s Arkansas, not Aspen) to come live in the Washington area. Does anyone–anyone at all–have a clue as to why? Is she her daughter’s new strategist? Will she be living with Hillary, or in some brutish, depressing assisted-living facility in Arlington? [New York Post] MORE »

Colin Powell was right, motherfuckers, no matter how much he says he lied. When he told the United Nations that he totally knew for sure there were Weapons of Mass Destruction, his sole error was in claiming those evil weapons were in Iraq, when they were actually in the UN headquarters itself, only to be found by a cleaning crew four-and-a-half years later. MORE »

Tommy Thompson announced in Iowa last night that in his imaginary administration, he would appoint Colin Powell to be Secretary of State again. Because that worked out so well the last time! MORE »

* Stephen Hadley and Josh Bolten are bringing their moms to meet the queen tonight, Condi’s banging bringing nobody. [The Swamp]
* Barry Hussein, the terrorists’ candidate, not pissed at Rush Limbaugh calling him a “Magic Negro.” [Political Punch]
* George Voinovich finds out that Colin Powell ain’t got no job, ain’t got shit to do, and likes it that way. [Columbus Dispatch]
* Retarded boy in retarded state sings about his love for Bush. [KUTV]
* Americans are bored of lying to pollsters. [Freakonomics]
* Republicans try to explain why they suck so bad at using ‘puters. [TechRepublican]
* Only dumbasses read blogs; go turn on the teevee. [FDL]

* New Fox show “Red Eye” gives the impression it came out of a brown eye. [Think Progress]
* “Getting kicked in the balls” now has a higher approval rating that you-know-who. [Radar]
* In case you hadn’t heard already, Al Gore’s announcing his candidacy at the Oscars, so watch if you care. [Intoxination]
* Somebody’s got to take the “bucket of warm piss.” [Political Insider]
* Republicans under FBI investigation losing their seats to Democrats? It’s not just hazy memories of 2006— the fun begins again in 2008! [Election Central]
* Happy fourth birfday to the bag of horseshit Colin Powell gave to the UN about Iraqi WMD. [Lawyers, Guns and Money]

* Official “How’s Tim Johnson doing?” spokesman Harry Reid says, “Just fine.” [WP]
* Colin Powell faces the nation, calls for new strategy in Iraq that incorporates full withdrawal by 2007. Also notes, “there really are no additional troops” to send to Iraq, so there better be another plan. [WP, NYT]
* Somalia’s Islamist government just dying to get on the wait-list behind Iran and Syria. [WP]
* Newt Gingrich wants to join the has-beens, also-rans, and have-rans in 2008. [WP, NYT]
* Evan Bayh, on the other hand, is happy to watch Obama and Clinton slug it out from the comfort of his living room. [WSJ]
* Administration plans to stiff pharmacies on Medicaid, just to save a lousy $5 billion. [NYT]
* Military espionage program started by Donald Rumsfeld to get “close scrutiny” by Robert Gates. [NYT]
* “I’m gonna get that wascally wabbit!” exclaims Margaret Spellings as PBS’s lesbian-friendly Buster Baxter returns to the air. [NYT]

The Associated Press reports the Colin Powell took ill last night, and totally, totally by coincidence and not related in any way whatsoever, honestly, he had just enjoyed dinner with Bill Clinton:

Former Secretary of State Colin Powell was briefly hospitalized early Friday after he fell ill at a restaurant where he was dining with former President Clinton and others, police said. MORE »