Tag Archives: cold war

  Highly Illogical

Ted Cruz Gets Republican Jizz All Over Your Beloved Star Trek

This revisionism will not stand, man
Ted Cruz is trying to ruin your beloved childhood memories again. First, he fucked up The Simpsons, and now he’s coming after Star Trek, Gene Roddenberry’s Kennedy Administration in Space fantasia. In Cruz’s mental version of the show, Captain James T. Kirk is a Republican (or will be, in a few centuries), and Jean-Luc Picard, that tea-drinking squish, is a Democrat. This only stands to reason: Cruz has also decided that, were he alive today, JFK himself would be a Republican, too. Because, you know, tax cuts. Read more on Ted Cruz Gets Republican Jizz All Over Your Beloved Star Trek…
  Won't You Pour Me A Cuban Breeze Gretchen?

Fidel Castro Wins Cold War, Hooray!

Thought about 'shopping Obama's face in there, but nahhh
In news that probably ought to seem a lot more exciting to Cold War Babbies like Yr Wonkette, President Obama announced today that the U.S. and Cuba have finalized arrangements to reopen embassies in each other’s countries. And while we are indeed pleased by the news, we’re mostly just wondering what the hell took so long — and also whether we should yell at Red China about Quemoy and Matsu while we’re at it. As Steve Martin said about Nixon way back in 1977, it’s like making Ike jokes. But hooray, the president has followed through with another step in his groundbreaking agreement to normalize relations with Cuba, and now it’s just a matter of time until everyone starts asking about when they can import cigars (short answer: no time soon). It’s probably just as well; they’re just goddamn cigars, and they’ll taste like goddamn cigars, for godssake. Read more on Fidel Castro Wins Cold War, Hooray!…
  Don't Know Much About History (And Don't Need To)

Oh Good, Gov. Bobby Jindal ‘Wrote’ A History ‘Book’

Did you know you can buy one of these cool hats without attending a single college class? Pretty cool deal.
Louisiana, as you may have heard, isn’t a state that’s all that big on forcing education into people. Its public schools are being dismantled through aggressive “school choice” vouchers that use precious taxpayer dollars to fund religious schools, including some without libraries — just as long as they don’t include any weird religions that don’t have Jesus in them. The state encourages teachers to bring in their own alternate instructional materials to help students think critically about the lies of science. And in the current legislative session, Louisiana is fixing to cut funding higher education by as much as 82 percent, which could lead to entire academic departments being eliminated. Louisiana State University is drafting the academic equivalent of a plan to file for bankruptcy, to have it ready, just in case. But there’s no need to panic. Gov. Bobby Jindal has plans to rescue Louisiana education in at least one academic subject: He’s publishing a history book in October. Read more on Oh Good, Gov. Bobby Jindal ‘Wrote’ A History ‘Book’…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: There Goes Sarah Knowin’ Stuff About Russia Again

After a content-heavy end to the year, the Sarah Palin Channel has regressed to the mean. She’s posted three videos in the last seven days, one of which was designed as a complement to her Faceplace screed on DogGate. And if we’re being perfectly honest with ourselves, Palin’s video about Jill Hadassah (yes, that is the dog’s actual name) is really cute and does exactly what it’s intended to do. Beware, Wonketeers, for Sarah Palin is improving in her ability to grift across multiple media channels, and she’s doing it with a widdle puppy with a cute widdle puppy face. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: There Goes Sarah Knowin’ Stuff About Russia Again…
  also a cooking blog

Nostalgic Repost Of Repasts Past: The Jell-O Recipe That Mamie Eisenhower Used To Win The Cold War

Another Wonkette Thanksgiving Classic, for Thanksgiving. And America. Here is your bit of “DC gossip” for the day: a Jell-O dessert recipe, for the holiday of Thanksgiving! It is Mamie Eisenhower’s famed Red Scare Thanksgiving Jell-o Dessert and it is best served chilled, to family members you hate. (There is Mamie right there with “friend” Lenora Hickok, feeding each other Jell-O and giggling knowingly.) This vile thing is exactly what the Eisenhowers used to force-feed the Soviets, and it is delicious. Read more on Nostalgic Repost Of Repasts Past: The Jell-O Recipe That Mamie Eisenhower Used To Win The Cold War…
  Great Female Women And Ladies

Michele Bachmann Thanks Phyllis Schlafly For Ending The Cold War

Insert Pink Floyd joke here
Michele Bachmann just wanted to let you all know that not only is she an American hero, she also has an American hero: anti-feminist and riot-starter Phyllis Schlafly, whom Bachmann describes in an interview with wingnut paranoia clearinghouse WND as “the most consequential female woman in public policy in the last 50 years of the 20th Century.” And why is she such a consequential female woman? Well how does being personally responsible for the end of the Cold War grab you? Read more on Michele Bachmann Thanks Phyllis Schlafly For Ending The Cold War…
  facts are stupid things

RNC Pretty Sure New AP History Test Is Racist Against America

Why teach American history when you can worship it instead?
Get your helmets and flak jackets on, folks, because it’s Culture War time again. The Republican National Committee is very very concerned about the College Board’s newly revised framework for the Advanced Placement U.S. History exam, condemning it for being way too LIEberal and for its “consistently negative view of American history.” You can’t say the RNC doesn’t have its priorities in order! For instance, the exam framework doesn’t even say that America is the Bestest, Freest, Most Wonderfullest Republic that ever existed in the world, and it also completely fails to say that Jesus handed the Constitution to George Washington. Worse, according to a resolution passed at the RNC’s summer meeting last week, the new framework Read more on RNC Pretty Sure New AP History Test Is Racist Against America…
  ask not what your textbook can do for you

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks With The Right Dynamic For the New Frontier

We told you last week that we were finished with the 1950s and moving into the ’60s, and we are — but by a quirk of editing, both of our history textbooks for the Christian school market have shoehorned the Kennedy administration into the very end of their chapters on the Fifties, the better to emphasize what they see as the chaos and degeneracy of nearly everything that happened after November 22, 1963. We can see the thematic logic of that, so keep in mind that as we talk about Kennedy this week, both of our textbooks treat him as a kind of footnote to Eisenhower, a nice-looking fellow who died under unfortunate circumstances and who liberals pay far too much attention to. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks With The Right Dynamic For the New Frontier…
  the effluent society

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschoolers Whose Father Knows Best

Let’s all hop into the Chrono-Tron for a dynamic trip to the Populuxe world of the 1950s, courtesy of a couple of rightwing Christian textbooks for the homeschool market. Along the way, we’ll learn that small government and pious people of faith created prosperity, and the decade’s high tax rates on the wealthy never have to be mentioned because that would be really inconvenient. Our 8th-grade textbook America: Land I Love (A Beka, 2006) is pretty sure that the economic boom of the ’50s had little to do with anything the government did; rather, the bestest thing about the ’50s is that it was a time when “the moral values of Biblical Christianity provided a just standard of law, order, and mutual respect, which in turn increased material prosperity.” The book’s chapter on the ’50s leads off with a section on “Moral Strength,” and subsections attribute the decade’s good times to “Respect for Christianity,” “Strong families, little crime,” and to the “Sanctity of life” — just in case students need three main paragraphs for their 5-paragraph essays. We learn that even though church attendance was, sadly, not universal, most people respected the Biblical teachings of law, order, and moral decency. Local governments often required stores to close on Sundays, and community activities were planned in many areas not to interfere with church services. School days often began with prayer and Bible reading, and parent—teacher meetings and civic organizations usually opened with prayer. In other words, it was as close to paradise as America got in the 20th century. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks For Homeschoolers Whose Father Knows Best…
  baby it's cold war outside

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Will Protect Your Homeschooler’s Precious Bodily Fluids

Yay for the 1950s! One of the best times in America, according to our textbooks for Christian schools, though of course the Gilded Age was pretty darn awesome as well. Our 8th-grade textbook, America: Land I Love (A Beka, 2006), has no doubt it was a terrific time: Living in a country that rewarded hard work with increased wages and profits, parents worked hard to provide for their children … A strong moral and spiritual foundation undergirded America’s prosperity. Americans still practiced the Protestant work ethic, taking pride in their work and striving for excellence. The moral values of Biblical Christianity provided a just standard of law, order, and mutual respect, which in turn increased material prosperity. Our 11th/12th-grade book from Bob Jones University Press, United States History for Christian Schools, is a bit less boosterish; it attributes the postwar prosperity to America’s industrial base being unscathed by WW II, and notes that Cold War defense spending helped fuel much of the boom, though the high marginal tax rates on the rich somehow never get mentioned by either book. But all this prosperity and happiness for all Americans (just shut up about Jim Crow, please, we’ll get to that next week) was threatened by the menace of hordes of Communist infiltrators who were definitely everywhere, according to Land I Love, or at least real and very dangerous, according to U.S. History. So please raise your right hand and swear your loyalty to God, the flag, and John Wayne, and let’s go bait some Reds. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Will Protect Your Homeschooler’s Precious Bodily Fluids…
  they won't give an inchon korea

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks Fighting Godless Communism From Korea To The U.N.

If there’s anything that gets the editors of our textbooks for Christian homeschoolers exercised, it’s communism. And evolution. And deviations from fundamentalist Protestantism. And secular humanism. But especially communism (which is influenced by Darwinism and atheism). And so, it stands to reason that they have a fine old time with the Cold War. And as usual, our 8th-grade textbook, America: Land I Love (A Beka, 1994 & 2006), is the far more enthusiastic Cold Warrior; as we saw last week, Land I Love doesn’t describe the conflict merely as a geopolitical contest for influence between the USSR and the U.S./Western Europe, but as a fight between “the ideologies of Americanism and Communism.” Our text for 11th/12th grade, Bob Jones University Press’s United States History for Christian Schools (2001), is a lot less excitable, but still very firmly anticommunist. And of course, since humans are inherently sinful and real peace can only come from God, both books find efforts at cooling international tensions, like the United Nations, to be somewhere between naïve (U.S. History) and downright anti-American (Land I Love). Foolish hu-mans, thinking that “international cooperation” can accomplish anything! Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks Fighting Godless Communism From Korea To The U.N….
  baby it's cold war outside

Sundays With the Christianists: American History Textbooks Still Fighting The Cold War From A Secret Bunker

You may have missed this news item a couple weeks back: Hiroo Onoda, the Japanese soldier who remained hidden in the Philippine jungles until 1974, unaware that World War II had ended, died January 16 at the age of 91. For some reason, that seems worth mentioning in our review of rightwing textbooks for the Christian school market and their coverage of the Cold War. Since the Soviet Union collapsed in 1991, they still have a little while to go before they equal Onoda’s 30 years of pointless hostilities, but we predict that future editions of these books will be just as terrified by International Communism as the current ones. For that matter, the Cold War chapters of the 2006 edition of our 8th-grade text from A Beka, America: Land I Love, are unrevised from the 1994 original — and the book continues to use the present tense when discussing “communist nations.” Our 11th/12th-grade text, Bob Jones University Press’s United States History for Christian Schools, tends to be considerably less shrill, but still firmly anti-communist in outlook. Besides, it’s always more fun to keep metaphorically fighting a war when your side won, as determined by having the most toys. Read more on Sundays With the Christianists: American History Textbooks Still Fighting The Cold War From A Secret Bunker…
  praise the ammunition and pass the lord

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Will Live In Infamy

After all those wonderful lies about the Great Depression, it will be nice to get back to something more like reality in our rightwing Christian textbooks for the Christian school/homeschooling market. And so, on with World War II — as we’ve noted, once these guys have an actual shooting war to look at, they tend to tone down the Culture War stuff. And for one of our two texts, the 11th/12th-grade United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2001), that’s pretty much the case — there is almost nothing in this textbook’s coverage of WWII that would be out of place in a secular textbook. Happily for our purposes, our other book, A Beka’s eighth-grade America: Land I Love (1994, 2006), is just as full of crazy as ever, and even some of its discussion of the war itself is at best cursory. This is important, because we just aren’t ready to jump straight into the weirdness that is their discussion of the Cold War. (How’s that for a teaser for next week?) Let’s start with the primary causes of World War II: Socialism, spiritual emptiness, and of course, Charles Darwin. Yep, it’s going to be another of those chapters. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Will Live In Infamy…
  we've got provisions and lots of beer

Relive The Cold War In Your Very Own Underground Apocalypse House

If you’re looking for a 15,000-square-foot luxury home that’s built 26 feet underground so it can survive a nuclear attack, and you have a spare $1.7 million, we’ve got just the place for you! Built in 1978 by a wealthy businessman who was convinced the Reds were going to push the button down, this Las Vegas house has two bedrooms (and one extra in a “guest house”), a huge front room suitable for go-cart racing, a marble tub worthy of Liberace, and acres of pink tile. Oh, and there’s another two-bedroom house up on the surface, too. Casa Apocalypse is in what’s essentially a super-sized basement with green carpet “grass” and fake trees, as well as a swimming pool, hot tubs, and a wraparound mural “landscape.” You could curl up on the couch, warm up some MRE’s, and watch The Day After … or just Ronald Reagan speeches on endless loop. If nothing else, it would be a hell of a place to shoot a movie about some crazy loon living in an underground house waiting for The End. Read more on Relive The Cold War In Your Very Own Underground Apocalypse House…
  commies under the bed

Sundays With the Christianists: A Cold War “World History” Textbook For Your Fallout Shelter / Homeschool

If you’re feeling nostalgic for the Cold War, you could do worse than to grab a copy of our 10th-grade text, World History and Cultures In Christian Perspective, which presents communism as an ongoing threat right now, today. As we mentioned last week, we’ve finally gotten a copy of the 2010 revision of the book, and you’ll be delighted to know that it is still every bit as Red Scared as the 1997 edition we’ve been using for this series up until now.* Like the 1997 edition, the lengthy chapter on the evils of communism presents it as a present threat that might set international dominoes toppling at any moment. This week, we’ll wrap up our look at the Red Menace with a couple of sidebar sections which explain, just in case the main text hasn’t made the point, why communism is very, very bad indeed. The first is an essay titled “Communism: A Negative System,” which informs us that Communism is a totally negative system — a denial of all that is true, righteous, and good. In its suppression of the higher aspects of man’s character, it unleashes the beastly aspects — the utterly sinful nature — of man. Golly! Say what you will about the tenets of national socialism, Dude, at least it’s an ethos! Read more on Sundays With the Christianists: A Cold War “World History” Textbook For Your Fallout Shelter / Homeschool…
  grampa cornpants

Chuck Grassley’s Got This Whole Secret Service Problem Covered, You Guys

Oh dear, Sen. Chuck Grassley snuck out the window again after lights-out, and now he’s leading inquiries into the Secret Service sex scandal. Whatcha got so far, inspector? “Sen. Charles Grassley (R-Iowa) said the Colombia prostitutes at the center of the Secret Service scandal may have been spies planted by the Russian government.” And if they were… well, Chuck’s gonna give those ladies what for, he is. Read more on Chuck Grassley’s Got This Whole Secret Service Problem Covered, You Guys…