Here, watch this while the News Trolls come up with “actual reporting” for us to make fun of. Why was Stephen Colbert sending emails to Mark Sanford’s spokesman when he knows that Keith Olbermann’s mother recently died? The man has no shame. [The Colbert Report]

Meghan! She told Stephen Colbert last night that there should be room for “24-year-old pro-sex women” in the Republican Party. Who said there wasn’t? They are all married with nine kids, is the thing. Come to think of it, shouldn’t Meghan McCain have babies by her age? [The Week]

Not to be prejudiced or anything, but a short tour around the Internets pretty easily proves that conservatives don’t “get” satire or parody. Why? The answer probably has something to do with “belief in simple absolutes” and “sex shame” and “childhood brain damage,” and research from 30 years ago showed dogmatic people tend to be both dumb and unable to comprehend satire. And that’s why wingnuts don’t understand that Stephen Colbert’s Comedy Central parody of Fox News is, in fact, a comedic parody. MORE »

Hey look who was on The Colbert Report last night — everybody’s new secret boyfriend, the esteemed baseball stats dork Nate Silver! He calls John McCain the Seattle Pilots, which is apparently funny? The point is, if this guy does not have a book deal and a standing job offer from Barack Obama by November 5, we will eat our hats. [Colbertnation]

Our Liz Glover dropped by the National Portrait Gallery to ask bitter voters about Stephen Colbert’s dignified triple portrait, which enjoyed a limited engagement hanging in the restroom foyer, over the water fountain. The answers may repulse you! (Thanks to Dawne Langford for the camera work.)

Just like Andy Rooney had a good point that Barry Obama shouldn’t be president because he has a black-sounding name, the counterpoint made by labor-hating scab Andy Sullivan last night on Colbert was equally brilliant. Baldilocks spent a good chunk of his four minutes pushing for Barry, sharing with Comedy Central viewers the great insight the world will stop hating us if our president is brown and named “Obama.” Thank you, Andy. And thanks for saying it on teevee and not on your blog, where we wouldn’t have understood on account of we don’t know how to read..

New episodes of Comedy Central’s The Daily Show and The Colbert Report will start airing on Monday without the help of their starving writers, but plenty of writerly guests are lining up to promote themselves on the teevee shows. First up for Colbert: Andrew Sullivan, who may try to explain just what was going on in this creepy Iowa fantasy he posted yesterday. MORE »

Did you think that Stephen Colbert’s exclusion from South Carolina’s Democratic primary ballot yesterday would spell the end of his bid? Well maybe it has for Colbert, but you better believe some good-for-nothing grad students or whoever are starting the “let’s make an unofficial petition site that no one gives a shit about and will not result in any change” movement (see DraftGore.com). MORE »

“The South Carolina Democratic Party voted Thursday to keep comedian Stephen Colbert’s name off the Democratic Primary ballot, according to Executive Director Joe Werner…. Colbert, who officially filed papers to get on the ballot this morning, lost a roll call vote, 13-3.” Meh. [CNN]

Have either of these two men ever looked so uncomfortable?

* Mitt Romney would drive a stake through Mother Earth’s bare breast before he’d let his Nantucket buddies summer on an obstructed-view island. [New Standard]
* Iranians took British sailors captive to spite Bush, says guy whose every published word has been wrong. [Today's Zaman]
* Wall Street Journal editorial page on way better terms with Satan than Chris Mathews or Nancy Grace. [Political Animal]
* Little Wesley Clark unimpressed by the size of Rudy’s balls. [Intelligencer]
* Dennis Kucinich loves being broke. [Wizbang Politics]
* Only best and brightest watch Colbert, Lehrer. [Think Progress]
* The Politico: Boy, does it blow. [The Carpetbagger Report]
* Got GWOT? [Passport]