Tag Archives: coins

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Fox Nation Super-Stoked On Romney’s Domination Of Pre-Debate Coin-Toss

“Say,” you’re probably thinking. “That’s a good-looking nickel. One of those saucy ones from 2005. You could use it to buy a piece of Double Bubble, or maybe you could put in the ‘take a penny, leave a penny’ tray at the gas station if you want to blow minds with your generosity.” But that’s no ordinary nickel; that’s the most politically important metallic disc in the world, and it has personally ensured the crushing defeat of Barack Hussein Nobama at tonight’s debate. BUT HOW COULD A MERE FIVE-CENT PIECE HAVE SUCH POWER??? Read more on Fox Nation Super-Stoked On Romney’s Domination Of Pre-Debate Coin-Toss…
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Commemorative 9/11 Coins About As Worthless As Normal, Not-9/11 Money

A shrewd investor knows that not all 1-666 Call Later infomercials will make you rich immediately. Aside from Cats4Gold and multifarious Glenn Beck NASCAR bullion, most televised coins and samurai kitchen swords will provide only “modest” returns — and only if FDR doesn’t steal them from you first. So you need to be very careful when purchasing strange 9/11 Tenth Anniversary Commemorative Coins featuring “sculptures of the USS New York and the World Trade Center towers,” because contrary to popular belief, the USS New York did not crash into the Twin Towers. Sadly, these $29.95 coins are actually worthless and not even remotely affiliated with the U.S. Mint. (The real 9/11 coin features a cruise missile attacking the Pentagon.) Scams. They’re everywhere, never forget! Read more on Commemorative 9/11 Coins About As Worthless As Normal, Not-9/11 Money…
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Sarah Palin: Which Black President Destroyed Our Jesus Coins?

No one was allowed to record or write anything about Sarah Palin’s big speech Friday night, but guess what, that didn’t matter. Politico‘s Jonathan Martin “snuck in” and reported blood and heads rolling, everywhere, an actual depiction of Hell. At some point, Sarah Palin started complaining about some mysterious Negro force that might be ruining that form of American currency, the coin. Read more on Sarah Palin: Which Black President Destroyed Our Jesus Coins?…
 

Paultard Money Seized in Raid!

In a federal raid yesterday, agents seized gold, silver and two tons of copper coins at the “Liberty Dollar” headquarters in Evansville, Indiana. What, pray tell, is a “Liberty Dollar”? It’s a counterfeit currency featuring Ron Paul’s head shot, made by ‘tards. Although “counterfeit” may be inaccurate if you believe the man behind the currency, Bernard von NotHaus, who thinks his moneys are legal. Think about the decisions you make, Paultards: If your boy wins, our secretary of the treasury will be a counterfeiter named Bernard von NotHaus. Read more on Paultard Money Seized in Raid!…
 

EXCLUSIVE PICTURE: First Godless, Then Faceless, Now Nameless And Dateless

Jesus Christ, it’s no wonder that the dollar has fallen so low against the euro and the yen and the yuan and the Canadian dollar and probably the Angolan kwanza too: we can’t even get them out of mint without screwing them up somehow. Above on the left is the latest nightmarish, half-formed parody of the new dollar coin to see the light of day. The picture was sent to us by Wonkette operatives Carla and Yoni Cosby; they bought it at a bank in Clinton, Maryland, which had no shame about dispensing the funny money to unsuspecting Americans like the Cosbys. Read more on EXCLUSIVE PICTURE: First Godless, Then Faceless, Now Nameless And Dateless…
 

America On the Brink: Dollar Coin Found WITH NO FACE

First came the staggering news that new U.S. dollar coins were minted without the crucial “In God We Trust” slogan — a painful acknowledgment that God had quit blessing America and America had quit trusting God. Now there’s even spookier news: A couple in Denver came across a new dollar coin with no president’s face or anything, really, on either side of the coin. How did they even know it was a dollar coin and not the Lost Treasure of the Knights Templar or something? Probably because they went to the bank and specifically asked for the shiny new U.S. coins; people will apparently run out and buy whatever new coin gets made, in hopes that it will be fucked up and they can sell it on eBay for $300. And that’s sort of what happened to our treasure-hunting couple, who we’ll meet after the jump. Read more on America On the Brink: Dollar Coin Found WITH NO FACE…
 

Spend Only Genuine Godless Coins on Your Satanic Vending Machine Fare

Hey did you know that there are BRAND NEW DOLLAR COINS? With PRESIDENTS on them? Yes? But did you know that they are tools of Satan? An unknown number of new George Washington dollar coins were mistakenly struck without their edge inscriptions, including “In God We Trust,” and are fetching around $50 apiece online. Read more on Spend Only Genuine Godless Coins on Your Satanic Vending Machine Fare…
 

First Ladies Get Useless, Non-Circulating Coins

The US Mint, having already ensured that someday we will handle a dollar coin emblazoned with the face of Gerald Ford, is now giving in to whiny bleeding-heart types by putting all the Presidents’ wives on some coins. Half-ounce gold coins of no denomination that will not circulate. Fun fact: Read more on First Ladies Get Useless, Non-Circulating Coins…