Tag Archives: cocktober

 

“Twenty Dollar” Bob Jury: The Stall Is Big Like Whoa

Yesterday afternoon, the jury and defense team in the Florida trial of ex-state Rep. Bob Allen boarded a retard bus for a field trip, no permissions slips required. They “milled around Space View Park … and took turns peering into the men’s restroom where state Rep. Bob Allen encountered the undercover Titusville police officer” (the one he wanted to play Special Happy Friends with). And although the defense is claiming that the visit helped their case, it, um, kinda didn’t? Read more on “Twenty Dollar” Bob Jury: The Stall Is Big Like Whoa…
 

Bob Allen Jury To Visit Infamous Potty

Florida Today‘s brilliant liveblogging of the Bob Allen penis trial continues with day three of hilarious “he said/he said” (h/t Larry Craig) misunderstandings. The trial is expected to go all aftern– Oh wait! The trial won’t resume until tomorrow morning, because they’re taking a field trip to the hot dog factory itself. Read more on Bob Allen Jury To Visit Infamous Potty…
 

“Twenty Dollar” Bob Trial Being Liveblogged!

“Twenty Dollar” Bob Allen‘s trial for cocksmoking is now in its third day, and the toothpaste is alllllll coming out. Again. More of it. Unfortunately we can’t spend the whole day following the disgraced Florida state representative’s trial, as we’d like to, but the divine newspaper Florida Today is liveblogging it (or at least making semi-regular updates to the same story). Read more on “Twenty Dollar” Bob Trial Being Liveblogged!…
 

Richard Curtis a “Demrat” Punching Bag

Washington state’s Columbian newspaper landed a short phone interview with disgraced, bottom-dwelling ex-Rep. Richard Curtis yesterday, and while we dutifully made jokes about the 10-15 total words Curtis said, the article’s best part was its second commenter, a charming lad/lass named Reese Mackenzy. While it’s still unclear whether Mackenzy is a human or a spambot, (s)he lended provocative insight into the GOP sex scandal mindfuckery, things the “Demrats” have blinded themselves towards. For example, did you know that “Most men at one time or another have made love to another dude”? I know right?? After the jump, Reese’s enlightening comment in full. Read more on Richard Curtis a “Demrat” Punching Bag…
 

A One-Two Punch to Start Blowvember

It’s Blowvember second, and we’ve already got two new bits of closeted gay sex! One is the principal of a Catholic school, the other is a former Daytona Beach city commissioner and mayoral candidate. We’re going to break the record this month, people. No toothpaste must remain in the tuber! Read more on A One-Two Punch to Start Blowvember…
 

Richard Curtis: “He would drop me like a hot potato”

America’s news MVP of the week, Washington state’s The Columbian, spoke to gayish ex-state Rep. Richard Curtis this morning in his first interview in two days. They only chatted briefly on the phone — so briefly that the Columbian only quoted him twice. Fortunately, both quotes are kinda funny. Read more on Richard Curtis: “He would drop me like a hot potato”…
 

In Honor of Cocktober’s All Stars

Are YOU a social conservative who publicly denounces gay sex? If yes, then you probably had gay sex last month! Cocktober 2007 was a whirlwind of hypocrisy on the Republican side; and as much as last month proved that our country probably only has five to six more years before it finally implodes, well… did you have a good time watching it all cum down? Let’s let the toothpaste out of the tuber and bring in Blowvember by honoring that which came before it with… A gallery of 2007’s Cocktober All Stars! Read more on In Honor of Cocktober’s All Stars…
 

Republican state Rep. Richard “I have not had sex with a guy [while not wearing women’s lingerie]” Curtis has resigned from the Washington legislature, after letting all of his toothpaste out of the tube. [The Columbian] Read more on …
 

Wa. State Police Pen Perfect Novella to End Cocktober

Happy Halloween, Wonkette readers! Do we have any scary stories to tell for the occasion, you might be asking? Well good gay God, have we ever! In what one commenter has described as “the DaVinci Code of the GOP,” the Spokane, Wa. Police Department’s report on state Rep. Richard “I have not had sex with a guy” Curtis‘ extortion case leaked yesterday. In it, Curtis admits to the police that he did have sex with a “reputed” male prostitute, Cody Castagna (beautifully captured here). But the police report — replete with sting opps, erotic boutiques, cross-dressing, metaphors involving toothpase — makes it so, so much better. If you’re going to read the whole thing, we strongly urge you to take a bathroom break beforehand rather than having to get up in the middle. Read more on Wa. State Police Pen Perfect Novella to End Cocktober…
 

Conservative Lawmaker: “I have not had sex with a guy”

Washington (state) is abuzz this week with rumors that state Rep. Richard Curtis is involved in an extortion ring with a “reputed” male prostitute — in other words, Did he fuck a dude? Curtis is obviously a Republican with a socially conservative voting record, so allegations like these were sure to come out sometime. As was his predictable response: “I am not gay… I have not had sex with a guy.” Sure, but… DOES HE LIE? Read more on Conservative Lawmaker: “I have not had sex with a guy”…
 

Cocktober Winds Down in Fairest Washington

FridayHalloween @ a theater near you! “As one swift look at our calendar indicates, this weekend you may as well just sleep in costume since there are so many (pre) Halloween parties around it is almost, well, scary. Alternatively though (and this option is starting to seem more and more appealing to me) you can go the route of being scared in the dark, as you did when you were seven.” [BrightestYoungThings] Read more on Cocktober Winds Down in Fairest Washington…
 

Pederasts for Giuliani!

Oh boy. So: Rudy Giuliani once hired a Catholic priest to work for his consulting company, and this priest still works there. Boss Giuliani must have been impressed by the business acumen of the priest, whose resume probably listed “Jesus = Ca$h” under “special skills.” Other special skills the priest, Monsignor Alan Placa, possesses: proficiency in Microsoft Word, extensive knowledge of the Bible, prolonged history of child molestation allegations. Giuliani was aware Placa had faced child molestation charges months before he hired him in 2002. But he didn’t care then, and he doesn’t care now. He is the one person in the world who doesn’t care. Read more on Pederasts for Giuliani!…
 

Oral Roberts Still Alive, Having Heat Flashes

Amid allegations that his son, on-leave Oral Roberts University President Richard Roberts, and daughter-in-law, Lindsay Roberts, were hiring perverted hobbits and having sex with 16-year-old hobbits (respectively), Oral “the tongue of a female goes into the vagina of another female” Roberts himself has returned to the Tulsa school for the first time in three years. Mostly to talk about Satan, an archetypal figure we fully endorse. Read more on Oral Roberts Still Alive, Having Heat Flashes…
 

Outspoken Conservative Sex Children Blah Blah Pedophile

As the Endless Cummer winds down and the leaves on trees transition to Cocktober’s reds, oranges and yellows, more public, conservative loudmouths are disclosing sexual proclivities with little boys, little girls and manly goats. What great stories must lie in wait for Blowvember. The latest mega-pederast is Michael Graham, a Boston conservative radio host, coiner of “America is at war with Islam” and a graduate of untainted Oral Roberts University. Last night was one of those rare nights where someone watched the insufferable Glenn Beck show on CNN Headline News, and Graham guested to discuss the issue of giving out condoms and stuff to kids in middle school. Graham obviously argued against, but his performance only strengthened the case for offering preventatives — at least for whenever Michael Graham visits school. Read more on Outspoken Conservative Sex Children Blah Blah Pedophile…
 

“A 33-year-old former youth minister of an Alabaster church has been charged with crossing state lines to have sex with a minor. Donald Brent Page of Calera is accused of traveling to Memphis on Oct. 6 to meet who he thought was a 13-year-old girl for sex, according to an affidavit prepared by an investigator with the Memphis FBI Crimes Against Children Task Force.” [Birmingham News] Read more on …
 

Cummer Never Ends: DiFatta, Craig, and the Oral Roberts Cougar

It’s October, so why is it still so goddamn hot? And why are politicians still getting busted for perversions and sexcapades? Is this Cummer truly Endless? Or is this merely — as one of you commenters probably coined back in some long-ago post (this one?) — an Indian Cummer?* After the jump, join us in taking a quick glance at Cocktober’s Long, Long Tail — starring that Louisiana Bathroom Goblin, Gay Escorts, and, uh, something called an “Oral Roberts.” Read more on Cummer Never Ends: DiFatta, Craig, and the Oral Roberts Cougar…