Tag Archives: cocktober surprise

 

Hollywood Still Loves You, Mark Foley

The graphic above comes not from some embarrassing-in-retrospect year-old promotional brochure, but from the program for last Wednesday’s PRISM Awards. The PRISM Awards are handed out by the entertainment industry, and each year they have a “Capitol Hill showcase” to convince lawmakers that Hollywood isn’t all queers and perverts (unlike Capitol Hill). The former Representative from Cocktoberfest was, in better days, a staunch champion of the entertainment industry, and his words in the program highlight the importance of accurate portrayal of addicts and drunks: Read more on Hollywood Still Loves You, Mark Foley…
 

Wonk’d: Pizza With a Guy Who Might Be Mark Foley

Wonk’d is in a festive mood and the famous-for-DC kids in this week’s installment have been spotted doing the exact same thing you’ve been doing these past few weeks: stuffing food in their faces at a hectic pace. Harold Ford likes upscale chain eateries, Tom Delay indulges his delusions of grandeur by lunching on the Senate side, and actual celebrity Matt Damon drops a few hundred bucks on a dinner he could’ve gotten for $4.99 from a local burrito joint. Lots more, including Dennis Hastert ordering the red and green curry, after you rip open the presents. Read more on Wonk’d: Pizza With a Guy Who Might Be Mark Foley…
 

Crazy Jesus Freaks Could Learn a Little Something From Crazy Muhammed Nuts

Last Cocktober, the Taliban sat down together and put together a very important, useful list of rules. Blogger Jon Swift notes that many of the rules would’ve been quite helpful for our Republicans brothers and sisters who got into so much trouble these last couple months. Rule number 19, in fact, could’ve stopped the bloodbath before it ever started: Read more on Crazy Jesus Freaks Could Learn a Little Something From Crazy Muhammed Nuts…
 

104 Pages of Creepy

Still at the office? Perfect! Print up all 104 pages of the famous Mark Foley Maf54 instant messenger transcripts and read them aloud at your holiday party! It’s all free, and it’s all thanks to the House Ethics Committee (.pdf file). Read more on 104 Pages of Creepy…
 

Vanity Fair Reports Rumor We Already Knew

They have a big-ol Mark Foley story in the issue that drops this week — big revelation is that the White House knew about the Page-fucking, and convinced Foley to drop out of the Senate race before the rest of the world figured it out. Which we heard (and wrote something or other about) back in Cocktober. Read more on Vanity Fair Reports Rumor We Already Knew…
 

Foley Staffer Begs Repubs To Pay His Legal Bills

K Street Republicans were “flabbergasted” by an e-mail begging for handouts to cover disgraced Foley chief of staff Kirk Fordham’s legal bills. Even better, the e-mail was sent the morning after the Election Day Bloodbath. Read more on Foley Staffer Begs Repubs To Pay His Legal Bills…
 

Gossip Roundup: Spanking Fetishist Also Bad Teacher

Heard on the Hill: Mark Foley is out of “rehab.” The Arizona facility he went to treats alcoholism, “eating disorders, sexual addiction/compulsivity, obsessive-compulsive disorder and depression” … Kirk Fordham, former Tom Reynolds and Foley CoS, is still hanging around the Hill, annoying fellow republicans… John Boehner demanded the Republican leadership sing him his self-penned “Birthday Song” … John Kerry downed Tequila shots with Marines at Finn MacCool’s. [Roll Call] Read more on Gossip Roundup: Spanking Fetishist Also Bad Teacher…
 

448.077 Voters Consistently Hate On Lieberman

What are the chances? Ned Lamont got the same number of votes as Lieberman’s Republican opponent in 2000, Phil Giordano. Is that an invitation to remember the incredible kiddie-sex crimes of the ex-mayor of Waterbury? You’re damn right it is! Make the jump, for America. Read more on 448.077 Voters Consistently Hate On Lieberman…
 

Farewell, Denny Hastert

No surprise, obviously, but let’s note for the record that Denny Hastert will resign as speaker. According to TIME, he’ll announce this week and possibly today. “The battle to succeed him will be bruising, as members attempt to allocate blame for the Foley mess,” the magazine says. Really? Why even bother? Just pick some unoffensive goon (there’s got to be one in the GOP) and let him preside over a very short lamest-of-ducks session and that’s that. Read more on Farewell, Denny Hastert…
 

Nevada: Land Of Scum

These Nevada results are almost astonishing, or they’re cooked. Even though the vast majority of the state’s population lives in urban Dem Las Vegas, Jim Gibbons and John Ensign seem to be holding solid leads. Read more on Nevada: Land Of Scum…
 

Evil Speaker Pelosi To Make Lesbians Of Us All!

It’s a little too early to start measuring the ropes for the gallows, but the nervous networks and cable channels are giving it to the Dems. This is America’s Darkest Moment. The Democrats sometimes differ very slightly from the Evil Republicans. Read more on Evil Speaker Pelosi To Make Lesbians Of Us All!…
 

Is There Even One Heterosexual Republican?

Charlie Crist, America’s tragically forgotten in-the-closet Republican candidate, is reportedly still a big gay homosexual who won’t ‘fess up. Plus, he cheats on his long-term boyfriend, who is a convicted criminal. And the kid he had a gay homosexual sex affair with is also a convicted criminal — who, obviously, worked for Katherine Harris. Read more on Is There Even One Heterosexual Republican?…
 

Cocktober Road

It has been one of the most bountiful Cocktobers in recent memory. A very special thanks to Mark Foley, without whom none of this would’ve been possible. After the jump, a look back. Cocktober seems so long ago, but it was only yesterday. Join us, won’t you? Read more on Cocktober Road…
 

Another Choker: NY Rep. Sweeney

This is getting ridiculous. The Tuesday papers say New York State power broker and GOP Congressman John Sweeney has a little domestic-violence problem, and the Albany newspaper has the 2005 police report (PDF) to prove it. Read more on Another Choker: NY Rep. Sweeney…
 

OMG It’s a November Surprise!

In this October 20 speech to rally the faithful, Karl Rove screws up and says 9/11 happened in November — which we all know is utterly impossible … unless this was Europe, where 9.11 means “November 9.” Read more on OMG It’s a November Surprise!…
 

Dad-Son Porn Will Make Marines Of Us All

Sure, “A Charge To Keep” or “I Am the Most Awesome Obama” are very good books, but they’re not pure fiction like Newt Gingrich’s Nazi porn and Scooter Libby’s “make the bear fuck the the little girl” artistry. Read more on Dad-Son Porn Will Make Marines Of Us All…
 

Hot In a Vegas Way

Because this is a National Politics Site, we’ve had to pull ourselves away from covering Rep. Jim Gibbons (R-Nevada) all the time. Periodic roundups will have to do … until Gibbons just starts killing people. Read more on Hot In a Vegas Way…
 

THEY FOUND FOLEY!

Brian Ross’ crack team of Blotters has once again taken the Foley Story to the next level. He’s not with the Scientology space monsters at all! Former Rep. Mark Foley checked himself into the Sierra Tucson Treatment Center in Arizona two days after he resigned from Congress in disgrace, ABC News has learned. Lawyers for Foley confirm he’s been an inpatient at the facility since Oct. 1. Actually, nobody found Foley. ABC News just got hold of a press release from Foley’s lawyers (PDF) that says he’s in the program until Halloween, please leave him alone, etc. He could still be anywhere on Earth, and is most likely following the Old 97’s around the country. Read more on THEY FOUND FOLEY!…
 

Anonymous Journo Hated Sex With You

Classy porn joint Nerve has their Washington Issue up. Our favorite piece is an anonymous journo describing, in painful detail, the depressing mating rituals of Washington. No bitching from us — it’s a very entertaining and accurate piece. Read more on Anonymous Journo Hated Sex With You…
 

Brave Congressman Admits He’s Not a Perv

Rep. Harold Ford tearfully concedes that his interests are as pedestrian and suburban as a normal human American: He is apparently a single man who likes girls and football — whatever, perv! — and enjoyed attending a party where both were celebrated, even if he originally denied it. Read more on Brave Congressman Admits He’s Not a Perv…
 

Denny Hastert In Two Places at Once, Not Anywhere at All

Embattled ( (c) Mainstream Media) Representative Dennis Hastert’s appearance before the House Ethics Committee was so surprising, the AP only had time to rewrite the first couple grafs of their story, placing us in a bizarre time-space continuum shift: Read more on Denny Hastert In Two Places at Once, Not Anywhere at All…