Tag Archives: cocaine

 

Pathetic Dollar Means All Cocaine Goes To Europe!

In some terrible news for full-time bloggers, the amount of cocaine being trafficked into the United States from our “southwestern” borders is sharply declining, if lower government seizures are any indication (not like “ha ha that guy’s freaking out”-style seizures, but actual seizures of cocaine. Same thing?) John Walters, the U.S. DRUG CZAR, also says that the purity and and price of cocaine has fallen in our fair country as well. This probably is why Bear Stearns was too lazy to save itself, and also why it took insane risks in previous years when cocaine was still good. So now all the cocaine is going to Europe, where they have a very strong currency. Now they can make crazy loans too! [BBC] Read more on Pathetic Dollar Means All Cocaine Goes To Europe!…
 

OMG Newest NY Governor Did Drugs!

This David Paterson guy is a real piece of work. First he admits that when his marriage hit a rough patch he dated other women, instead of engaging the services of a high-dollar prostitute like any normal politician. And now instead of vehemently denying he knows anything about drugs he says he did them once, in his impetuous youth! Read more on OMG Newest NY Governor Did Drugs!…
 

Obama And Chafee Are United By Love Of Blow

Even though Presidential candidate Barack “Barry Hussein” Obama maybe didn’t do as many drugs in high school and college as he said he did–leading many, of course, to wonder if he’s really the truth-teller America needs in the White House right now–he is still on record as being a fan of the cocaine. And you know who else is? His new friend Lincoln Chafee, the most lovable Fraggle ever elected to the Senate! Read more on Obama And Chafee Are United By Love Of Blow…
 

Man Had Sex, Drugs, And Other AWFUL Things With Obama, Of Course

Barack Obama had… some kind of sex… with this man! With the drugs and the blackness and all of those things that happen. As he says, um, they — [curve that cue card up to the right, thanks] — got in a limo and did some heroi — [oh, coke it was, scratch the heroin line and let’s go with coke] — did some cocaine and then had all sorts of gay blowjobs together [will I be more believable if I shave? Meh, let’s run with this]. [Youtube] Read more on Man Had Sex, Drugs, And Other AWFUL Things With Obama, Of Course…
 

Kerry Drinks More Obama Juice, Detoxes Obama

Failed presidential candidate and Barry supporter John Kerry ripped the Clintons Monday for their “petty” hints at Obama’s past drug usage. In an interview with the HuffPo website, Frankenstein notes: “That kind of discussion… from a campaign where the former president made famous the words ‘I did not inhale’ is to make something an issue that they themselves acknowledged shouldn’t be.” But John, did you hear that Obama is black? [HuffPo] Read more on Kerry Drinks More Obama Juice, Detoxes Obama…
 

GOP bigshot who put up a million dollars’ worth of Bush 2000 campaign billboards tied to both private jets loaded with tons of cocaine caught by Mexico’s drug cops. [Mad Cow Productions] Read more on …
 

Rudy’s Coke Addict/Coke Dealer Resigns As State Treasurer

A month after he was indicted on federal cocaine-dealing charges, Republican hero Thomas Ravenel has finally resigned as South Carolina’s state treasurer and Rudy Giuliani’s campaign chairman for the state. The 44-year-old cokehead has, of course, been in rehab for the past month. Because he’s a millionaire white Republican, he is going to another rehab next, instead of, you know, spending the rest of his life getting raped in prison: Read more on Rudy’s Coke Addict/Coke Dealer Resigns As State Treasurer…
 

Barry Hussein O’Bomber Terrorist Outrage!

Who says Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11? An ABC News shocker says the Illinois senator used to be known as “Barry O’Bomber.” It allegedly referred to his basketball shot. Read more on Barry Hussein O’Bomber Terrorist Outrage!…
 

Rumors On The Internets: Sober Advice Is Really No Advice At All

* Al Gore is planning a global warming concert/rally that will “dwarf Live Aid.” Hopefully, it won’t feature that dwarf from live aid, Bono. [FT] * Next time Barry Hussein is dropping a deuce and thinking, “Gee, I wonder how I should run my Presidential campaign,” GQ will have him covered. [GQ] * Donatella Versace thinks Hillary Clinton should wear more skirts and dresses. Donatella Versace also thinks a half ounce of yay is breakfast. [Suitably Flip] * Wyoming plays the “I know you are, but what am I?” game with New Hampshire. [Election Central] * John Edwards’ campaign bloggers were a hard target, new softer enemies include “subversive knitters.” [Michelle Malkin] * Dennis Hastert ruined the free Air Force plane use for everybody. [Think Progress] * Tonight’s book party for Terry McAuliffe is totally crashworthy, for the guest list and for the two-grand bottles of cognac. [Washington Whispers] Read more on Rumors On The Internets: Sober Advice Is Really No Advice At All…
 

Miss America Has Lowered Her Sights

UPDATE: Oh great, now our operative says “WRONG GAVIN!” Is there another Gavin we should be concerned about? Who? Local journalist Patrick Gavin? Jeez, this post is no longer at all interesting. Read more on Miss America Has Lowered Her Sights…
 

But What Do Homosexuals Think About SF Mayor’s Affair?

Approximately 1,200 Wonkette readers sent us angry e-mails about our lack of Gavin Newsom coverage. Who’s Gavin Newsom? See, that’s why we ignored this story. Nobody outside of San Francisco knows or cares about Gavin Newsom — that’s because he’s the mayor of San Francisco. His scandal is dull, too: single man has heterosexual affair with colleague’s wife. Yes, he is a crappy friend, but he’s a politician so he doesn’t have real friends, anyway. Read more on But What Do Homosexuals Think About SF Mayor’s Affair?…
 

Al Franken to Die in Mysterious Plane Crash

Al Franken — who was funny once, we swear — has decided to lose the campaign for US Senator from Minnesota. Franken announced the end of his radio show recently and has since been calling various Minnesota pols to warn them that he’s going to ruin their chances of picking up what could be an easy gain for the Democrats, if there was any chance in hell of the Minnesota DFL picking a viable candidate. At least he’s not a Humphrey, said Democratic observers. Read more on Al Franken to Die in Mysterious Plane Crash…
 

Free At Last, Almost: Noriega Will Be Released

Remember George H.W. Bush’s first war? He got pissed off at his buddy Manuel Noriega because Manny stopped giving a cut of the coke money to the CIA, and next thing you know U.S. Marines are blasting Van Halen at the Panamanian Vatican Embassy … and that’s how the leader of a sovereign nation (that we actually stole from Colombia) ended up in a Miami prison for 15 years. Read more on Free At Last, Almost: Noriega Will Be Released…
 

SOTU Drinking Game Is Juiced Up Beyond Belief!

Before we start with this year’s greatest-ever Official Wonkette SOTU Drinking Game, let’s all remember to play fair and play mean. Here are the Rules: * A “hit” (or “sip” for girls) is the basic unit of drinking of no offense to anybody. * A “shot” is the standard 1.5-ounce serving of hard liquor; If your shot glass has a line midway around it, this is the 1-ounce level. Go ahead and add another half ounce. * A “chug” is the act of consuming your entire beverage — usually beer — in a single terrible gulp. * “Valium” is the trademarked name for the now-generic prescription benzodiazepine derivative. Substitute any Rx downer in your medicine cabinet if Diazepam is not available. * A “rail” is two 1.5-inch-long lines of cocaine or methamphetamine. Get it, like a little railroad! But in these more innocent days, most people mean a single line when they say “rail.” We mean two lines. * If you don’t have a gun, keep a heavy cast-iron skillet and a box of rat poison near your television. Let the games begin, after the jump …. Read more on SOTU Drinking Game Is Juiced Up Beyond Belief!…
 

‘I’m Gettin’ High,’ by Jenna Bush

Fun-loving first twin and secret South American diplomat Jenna Bush is looking for a book deal in New York. Jenna’s got DC superlawyer Robert Barnett shopping the project to publishers, reports Washington Whispers. Read more on ‘I’m Gettin’ High,’ by Jenna Bush…
 

Barack Hussein Obama Does That Thing Everybody Knew He Would Do

The one-third-of-a-term senator is running for president! Finally, even a black man with no experience can become the most dangerous person in the world. Speaking of “man,” feminists want to know why a totally unqualified dopehead like Dubya or Obama gets to be president when a totally unqualified dopehead woman can’t become president. The answer to that, obviously, is “Just wait until 2012 when Jenna Bush becomes President for Life.” Enjoy the boring-ass Obama announcement, supposedly written by Barack Hussein himself, after the jump. Read more on Barack Hussein Obama Does That Thing Everybody Knew He Would Do…
 

Fox News Alert: George W. Bush Admits Cocaine Habit

Whoops! Watch the funny Fox News people desperately try to back away from their wacky reporter Kirian Chetry insisting that Bush admits to being a cokehead. It’s all because Hillary is trying to get rid of Osama Obama by encouraging everybody to go crazy because he admits in a book that he liked to get high back in the day — you know, like everybody else in America. Read more on Fox News Alert: George W. Bush Admits Cocaine Habit…
 

Anti-Soul Cabal Kills Another Two Ex-Presidents

While there have been many successful government conspiracies against the American people — Enron, Iran-Contra, the S&L collapse, “Dancing With the Stars,” 9/11, etc. — the proletariat prefers simpler narratives, such as the troubling connections between the tragic loss of Gerald Ford and James Brown within a few hours of each other. All the evidence of a massive, far-reaching riddle wrapped in an enigma, after the jump. Read more on Anti-Soul Cabal Kills Another Two Ex-Presidents…
 

All the George Bushes Wish You a Very ’70s Xmas

Christmas used to be a happier time, back when we weren’t losing wars all over the world and in national decline. For example, in the 1970s George W. Bush was just another harmless preppie jackass with the tie and blazer slung over his shoulder and a cigarette in his hand. And Rick Santorum’s daughter was there, dressed in her summer-Chrizmas finest. And Tucker Carlson was there, too, with his arm around Poppy Bush and the same stylish jacket-tie problem. Read more on All the George Bushes Wish You a Very ’70s Xmas…
 

Metro Section: Epithetically Speaking…

Bitches can now set the man up themselves: (202) 678-3682. [Metroblogging] In other drug related just-kidding-but-not-really news, new cocaine you can drink. We don’t mean Sparks. Dumbest fucking idea since the Pelosi trucker hat. [Catch Up Lady] Read more on Metro Section: Epithetically Speaking……
 

Crack… and to the Left. Crack… and to the Left.

Often the question is asked: Why haven’t we blogged about Rep. Robert Wexler’s cocaine-lovin’ appearance on “The Colbert Report”? To be honest, the pickings were too easy. It’s not really “news” when Colbert embarrasses a congressman anymore, and our attempt to get comment from local Republicans fell flat. But thank God for Fox News’ resident celebrity impersonator Brian Wilson. “Liberal Viewer” has posted a YouTube video comparing the edit of Colbert-Wexler that Wilson ran and the actual footage from Colbert’s show. Fox clipped several seconds of Wexler laughing along and being coached, and cut right to Wexler saying he enjoyed cocaine. Surprise: This made Wexler come off more craven and out of touch than he actually was. Read more on Crack… and to the Left. Crack… and to the Left….