A month after he was indicted on federal cocaine-dealing charges, Republican hero Thomas Ravenel has finally resigned as South Carolina’s state treasurer and Rudy Giuliani’s campaign chairman for the state. The 44-year-old cokehead has, of course, been in rehab for the past month. Because he’s a millionaire white Republican, he is going to another rehab next, instead of, you know, spending the rest of his life getting raped in prison: MORE »

Who says Hussein had nothing to do with 9/11? An ABC News shocker says the Illinois senator used to be known as “Barry O’Bomber.” It allegedly referred to his basketball shot. MORE »

* Al Gore is planning a global warming concert/rally that will “dwarf Live Aid.” Hopefully, it won’t feature that dwarf from live aid, Bono. [FT]
* Next time Barry Hussein is dropping a deuce and thinking, “Gee, I wonder how I should run my Presidential campaign,” GQ will have him covered. [GQ]
* Donatella Versace thinks Hillary Clinton should wear more skirts and dresses. Donatella Versace also thinks a half ounce of yay is breakfast. [Suitably Flip]
* Wyoming plays the “I know you are, but what am I?” game with New Hampshire. [Election Central]
* John Edwards’ campaign bloggers were a hard target, new softer enemies include “subversive knitters.” [Michelle Malkin]
* Dennis Hastert ruined the free Air Force plane use for everybody. [Think Progress]
* Tonight’s book party for Terry McAuliffe is totally crashworthy, for the guest list and for the two-grand bottles of cognac. [Washington Whispers]

UPDATE: Oh great, now our operative says “WRONG GAVIN!” Is there another Gavin we should be concerned about? Who? Local journalist Patrick Gavin? Jeez, this post is no longer at all interesting. MORE »

Approximately 1,200 Wonkette readers sent us angry e-mails about our lack of Gavin Newsom coverage. Who’s Gavin Newsom? See, that’s why we ignored this story. Nobody outside of San Francisco knows or cares about Gavin Newsom — that’s because he’s the mayor of San Francisco. His scandal is dull, too: single man has heterosexual affair with colleague’s wife. Yes, he is a crappy friend, but he’s a politician so he doesn’t have real friends, anyway. MORE »

Al Franken — who was funny once, we swear — has decided to lose the campaign for US Senator from Minnesota. MORE »

Remember George H.W. Bush’s first war? He got pissed off at his buddy Manuel Noriega because Manny stopped giving a cut of the coke money to the CIA, and next thing you know U.S. Marines are blasting Van Halen at the Panamanian Vatican Embassy … and that’s how the leader of a sovereign nation (that we actually stole from Colombia) ended up in a Miami prison for 15 years. MORE »

Before we start with this year’s greatest-ever Official Wonkette SOTU Drinking Game, let’s all remember to play fair and play mean. Here are the Rules:

* A “hit” (or “sip” for girls) is the basic unit of drinking of no offense to anybody.
* A “shot” is the standard 1.5-ounce serving of hard liquor; If your shot glass has a line midway around it, this is the 1-ounce level. Go ahead and add another half ounce.
* A “chug” is the act of consuming your entire beverage — usually beer — in a single terrible gulp.
* “Valium” is the trademarked name for the now-generic prescription benzodiazepine derivative. Substitute any Rx downer in your medicine cabinet if Diazepam is not available.
* A “rail” is two 1.5-inch-long lines of cocaine or methamphetamine. Get it, like a little railroad! But in these more innocent days, most people mean a single line when they say “rail.” We mean two lines.
* If you don’t have a gun, keep a heavy cast-iron skillet and a box of rat poison near your television.

Let the games begin, after the jump ….

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Fun-loving first twin and secret South American diplomat Jenna Bush is looking for a book deal in New York. Jenna’s got DC superlawyer Robert Barnett shopping the project to publishers, reports Washington Whispers. MORE »

The one-third-of-a-term senator is running for president! Finally, even a black man with no experience can become the most dangerous person in the world.

Speaking of “man,” feminists want to know why a totally unqualified dopehead like Dubya or Obama gets to be president when a totally unqualified dopehead woman can’t become president. The answer to that, obviously, is “Just wait until 2012 when Jenna Bush becomes President for Life.”

Enjoy the boring-ass Obama announcement, supposedly written by Barack Hussein himself, after the jump.

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