Nearly 20 months to the day of the Filipino Monkey Attacks, a shocking radio-CNN-terrorism incident was or was not committed right here in Washington, on the famous Potomac River, home to several overpriced brunch/graduation restaurants with nautical themes, plus a yacht where Larry Craig used to live and “secretly” fuck men who hated him. WHAT, you do not remember the Filipino Monkey Attacks of January 14, 2008? God, are you even American? Michael Moore’s website is THAT WAY, to the LEFT. MORE »

This non-existent Coast Guard sea battle with the terrorists, it is confusing. The White House is SUPER-FURIOUS at CNN! As usual, this anger is manifesting itself in the form of Robert Gibbs’ charmingly vicious sarcasm. CNN says it saw Coast Guard boats racing to catch a speeding boat on the Potomac and overheard screaming radio cries of bullets firing left and right, but no matter, it was just a “training exercise” that not a single government official seems to have known was scheduled for today, which is 9/11. Drinks all around! Meanwhile WHERE IS OSAMA? [YouTube, Michael Calderone]

* President Bush did, in fact, read the Iraq Study Group’s report, but has no plans to enact its recommendations. [WP, NYT, LAT]
* “Iraq Surrender Group” is more like it. [LAT]
* Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have dinner together, frolic in a field, give steely glares across a dais on the Senate floor. [WP]
* As billion dollar Coast Guard ship modernization program falters, Cubans, Haitians, and Columbians rejoice. [WP]
* Bye-bye, Bill Frist. [WP, NYT]
* Louisiana’s 2nd district runoff election hinges on corruption and pork. William Jefferson might have just enough of each to win.[WSJ]
* Congressional smoking: a bulwark against worse vices. [WP]

* Over 1,300 Iraqis have died in the past week due to the sharp uptick in violence. Asks one Iraqi, “And they say there is no sectarian war? What do you call this?” [WP]
* 70% of Americans are against the Dubai port deal, including 58% of Republicans; Bush’s approval rating slips to 34% in NYT-CBS poll. [NYT]
* Coast Guard assessment cited “many intelligence gaps” in Dubai port deal. [WP, NYT, USAT, WT]
* Senate drafts bill to curb earmarks. [WP]
* India meets Bush with a new sense of empowerment. [NYT]
* Intelligence agencies remain in bureaucratic disarray. [NYT]
* Administration will oppose new United Nations panel on human rights. Kofi Annan: “I think we should not let the better be the enemy of the good.” [WP]

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Homeland Security Director Michael Chertoff announced today a singificant influx of disaster relief for FEMA head Michael Brown. Chertoff has designated Vice Admiral Thad W. Allen, the U.S. Coast Guard’s chief of staff, as Chertoff’s special deputy for Katrina relief, writes the WaPo’s Josh White; Allen will “take over operational control of the search-and-rescue and recovery efforts along the Gulf Coast. The unprecedented task of coordinating the massive effort was handed off to a leader and expert who was described by colleagues as unflappable, engaging and intensely organized.” MORE »