Tag Archives: coal

  Sounds Like Heresy To Us

Shell Oil CEO Believes In Global Warming Because He Is A Dirty Hippie Obviously

He's secretly sick of that shade of yellow
This should be fun for Fox News to explain away: The CEO of Royal Dutch Shell, Ben van Beurden, said at an energy industry conference in London that climate change is real and that a system of pricing carbon would be the best way to start reducing CO2 emissions. It’s almost as if the guy were some kind of radical leftist who hates prosperity! Read more on Shell Oil CEO Believes In Global Warming Because He Is A Dirty Hippie Obviously…
  The Sun's Just The Right Height

Mitt Romney’s Climate Change Flip Flops Accelerating At Alarming Rate

2014 was the planet’s hottest year since our species learned how to transcribe temperatures onto paper. While much of the globe wilted like Rick Perry under stage lights (hey-o!), our Congress ho-hummed as Republicans continued to dismiss “science” as mere propaganda from nefarious, agenda-driven “scientists” all over the globe.  And there’s someone who’s not happy about this at all. Read more on Mitt Romney’s Climate Change Flip Flops Accelerating At Alarming Rate…
  winning the war on coal

2014 Was A Pretty Great Year For The Environment. Really!

The Garden of Earthly Delights by ExxonMobil
This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Blogging Chair For Something Nice For Once At first it looked like 2014 was going to be more of the same bullshit. On Jan. 9, a chemical spill in West Virginia’s Elk River contaminated the drinking water of some 16 percent of the state’s population. Freedom Industries, the company responsible, was soon revealed to be a malodorous pit of corruption and grabassery that seemed almost too stupid to be real. Read more on 2014 Was A Pretty Great Year For The Environment. Really!…
  Your Lump Of Christmas Clean Coal

Dumb New Mexico Hippies Refusing To Burn Their Fair Share Of Coal

Princess Celestia is going to be SO pissed about this...
Image by Daniel Nadelbach, Mother Earth Living In what’s just the latest of several similar moves to make customers who have rooftop solar electricity systems “pay their fair share” for being less polluting, the largest utility in New Mexico, PNM Resources, has proposed a surcharge on home solar customers, aimed at keeping those damned greenies from getting a free ride for the cost of their connection to the power grid. Read more on Dumb New Mexico Hippies Refusing To Burn Their Fair Share Of Coal…
  Couldn't Happen To A Nicer Corporate Scumbag

Evil Murdery Mining CEO Don Blankenship Indicted For Being Unbelievable Dick

Don Blankenship at a -- get this -- Labor Day event.
This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Coalmine Explosions, Oil Spills, and Occasional Revenge Fantasies. Yr Wonkette is a generally peaceful sort, a secularist who believes that people should try to be nice to each other and to get along. We don’t believe in the death penalty, and we don’t believe in Hell. Read more on Evil Murdery Mining CEO Don Blankenship Indicted For Being Unbelievable Dick…
  OMG! FFS! STFU!

Shut the F**k Up, Luke Russert (And Chuck Todd Too)

So according to the World Of Cable Chatter, Alison Lundergan Grimes has completely destroyed her chances of being elected to the U.S. Senate because she didn’t answer the Louisville Courier-Journal editorial board’s question about whether she voted for Barry Bamz in 208 and 2012. Grimes has been so eager to distance herself from the president that she went on for entirely too long about how the election isn’t about Obama and proclaimed herself a big fan of Hillary Clinton instead. As WaPo notes, she could just as well have said: Read more on Shut the F**k Up, Luke Russert (And Chuck Todd Too)…
  Brief Interviews With Hideous Men

Newsnerd Chris Hayes Meets Match In Stack Of Talking Points Wearing A Skin Suit

That sulfur smell isn't from the coal
This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Coalmine Explosions, Oil Spills, and Dick Jokes. Don Blankenship is the kind of capitalist who gives robber barons a bad name, and the sort of guy you can point to when Fox News wonders why Hollywood could ever get the idea that Big Business is the bad guy. He’s also the former CEO of Massey Energy, the coal mining company whose lax safety practices led to the deaths of 29 miners when the Upper Big Branch Mine in West Virginia exploded in 2010. Read more on Newsnerd Chris Hayes Meets Match In Stack Of Talking Points Wearing A Skin Suit…
  how long can this go on?

Alabama Republican: When God Gives You Coal, You Have To Light It On Fire

You won’t be surprised to learn that here at Wonkette, we generally do not believe in signs and portents from God. God doesn’t arrange things so that our favorite team could win the Super Bowl. God for sure isn’t making us rich, because fuck we are not rich. This belief system, or lack thereof, brings us into direct conflict with the commissioner-elect of Alabama’s Public Service Commission, who is pretty sure that God gave ‘Bama coal, and that’s why ‘Bama has to use it. Birds gotta fly, fish gotta swim, coal’s gotta burn. Read more on Alabama Republican: When God Gives You Coal, You Have To Light It On Fire…
  all-time champions

Kentucky, Land Of Bipartisan Derp, Scales New Heights Of Stupid About Climate Change

Let no one say that Kentucky’s lawmakers will not engage in the most heroic levels of dumb when it comes to climate change denialism. If there were an Olympics in derp, the Kentucky Lege would win gold in every possible event. They would be the Michael Phelps of dumb. Witness the recent meeting of their Natural Resources and Environment Committee, which featured criminal levels of dumb about dinosaurs, coal, and the temperature on Mars. Read more on Kentucky, Land Of Bipartisan Derp, Scales New Heights Of Stupid About Climate Change…
  blown' in the wind

Supreme Court Upholds EPA Authority To Regulate Pollution, America Prepares Surrender To Communism

Hey there Supreme Court, whatcha doing today? Not sucking? Sure, because the sun rose in the east this…wait, what? We’re so used to the Roberts Courts inventing new ways to prove that a bare majority of them are such fucking assholes they would sell out their own mothers for an invite to a Federalist Society dinner that we’re absolutely gobsmacked to find six – SIX – of the judges issuing a ruling we like. Not that SCOTUS needs the approval of this humble little mommyblog, but we’re still grateful for them telling some major polluters to slurp coal ash and die. Read more on Supreme Court Upholds EPA Authority To Regulate Pollution, America Prepares Surrender To Communism…
  dirt fuel

Happy Exxon Valdez 25th Anniversary Day! What Fish Will You Murder To Celebrate?

This post brought to you by the Patty Dumpling Endowed Blogging Chair For Oil Spill Clusterfucks. It’s been a quarter-century since the oil tanker Exxon Valdez spilled 11 million gallons of oil in the formerly known as pristine Prince William Sound, and here we are today still burning the earth’s toxic runny shits and farts for our convenience and pleasure. Of course, few believed back then that it would be otherwise. But at least there was reason to hope that the specific harms of the Exxon Valdez spill could be limited — that with enough Dawn dish soap and American elbow degrease, and with the nation’s disapproving glare fixed on Exxon, Prince William Sound could be properly cleaned up. Except it turns out that oil really fucking sucks. Read more on Happy Exxon Valdez 25th Anniversary Day! What Fish Will You Murder To Celebrate?…
  war on coal

Introducing Patriot Coal, Your New Favorite Ironically Named Company That’s Ruining West Virginia

Whatever happened with that Freedom Industries water-poisoning incident? All fixed? No? That’s depressing and predictable. What else ya got for us, West Virginia? … Oh come on! “Patriot Coal” this time? Apparently Patriot Coal this time: About 108,000 gallons of slurry waste from washing coal spilled into Fields Creek from the Kanawha Eagle Prep Plant near Winifrede, West Virginia’s Department of Environmental Protection said yesterday in an e-mailed statement. Here is a picture of a 100,000 gallon tank, and a person: Now imagine that tank (update: actually, this much larger tank is more like it) is filled with “coal slurry,” which is a gunk made of ground up coal and rocks and water, and then imagine some deity — call her Deregula, goddess of the Free Market — breaking open that tank like a kid snapping a crayon and dumping all of its contents, plus 8,000 more gallons, into a pretty little creek. Then imagine a sexual encounter with your favorite celebrity (Joe Biden), because you earned it.  Read more on Introducing Patriot Coal, Your New Favorite Ironically Named Company That’s Ruining West Virginia…
  west virginia is for non-stop vomiting

Coal Fights Back Against Obama’s War On Coal With Chemical Attack In West Virginia

Coal! It’s dirty, brittle, and buried deep underground. In a word, it’s American. Which is why Fox News declared that Obama declared war on it, when he announced his intention to “promote fuel-switching from coal to gas for electricity production.” Your move, coal. Oh, you have made your move, and it is to contaminate 300,000 West Virginians’ water by spilling an unknown quantity of “4-Methylcyclohexane Methanol (MCHM)” into the Elk River. MCHM causes “severe burning in throat, severe eye irritation, non-stop vomiting, trouble breathing or severe skin irritation such as skin blistering.” All that, and it smells like licorice to boot! The governor of West Virginia, who is named “Earl Ray Tomblin” because of course he is, has declared a state of emergency, which is pretty much the unofficial motto of West Virginia anyway. 300,000 West Virginians are being told not to drink their tap water, make baby formula, shower, brush their teeth, or basically even look directly at their faucets, and no, we will not be making the expected “do you really need to tell West Virginians not to shower or brush their teeth haw haw!” joke because that is Uncivil and makes them less inclined to vote for the folks we like. Read more on Coal Fights Back Against Obama’s War On Coal With Chemical Attack In West Virginia…
  at least he didn't call him boy

Humble Gent Mitt Romney Tells President Of United States Of America To STFU

What was your favorite part of last night’s Friendly Friends Hour of Good Times and Niceness? Was it when trustworthy, loyal, helpful, thrifty, cheerful, courteous and brave mild-mannered gentleman Miffed Romney told the President of the United States to shut the fuck up? PROBABLY NOT! But let’s relive it anyway! Read more on Humble Gent Mitt Romney Tells President Of United States Of America To STFU…
  another day older and deeper in debt

Lucky Coal Miners Get Unpaid Vacation, Free Tickets To Mitt Romney Rally!

Mitt Romney is a hot ticket, everybody! People want to see him; and, until the secret Romney Cloning Project finally achieves success, there is only one of him to go around. According to the immutable Laws of Supply and Demand, this means that most humans have to pay big money for some Mitt Time. But what about the working classes — don’t they deserve to hear about all the jobs Mitt is going to create for them in a few months, even if they can’t pony up for Romney-Tix? Have no fear, poors, Mitt has an innovative structured financial deal for you: instead of paying with money, you’ll just pay by taking unpaid time off of your job in the coal mine, because your boss wants to use the coal mine (and you) as a prop for a Romney rally! Read more on Lucky Coal Miners Get Unpaid Vacation, Free Tickets To Mitt Romney Rally!…
  wheezing to glory

Big ‘La Boheme’ Fan Rick Scott Closes TB Hospital During TB Outbreak

Tuberculosis used to be cool, man, back when it was called “consumption” and badasses like Doc Holliday died from it. Everything used to cooler back in the day when people just dropped dead in the street from disease and whatnot, right? Well, if that’s the kind of thrill you’re after, set your GPS for Jacksonville and go hang out with some homeless people, because the worst TB outbreak in 20 years is going strong there, just in time for the state’s only TB hospital to shut down! But why is Rick Scott keeping this outbreak a secret? Does he want Florida’s lucrative disease-tourism industry to flounder? Read more on Big ‘La Boheme’ Fan Rick Scott Closes TB Hospital During TB Outbreak…
  rumors on the internets

Google Thinks We’re Dumb And Lets Glenn Beck Take Over the Internet

Happy day after a long weekend! Here’s a list of news items that’ll likely bring upon a series of existential questions upon you — do you care what Google thinks of you? Would you sell your soul for coal? Are you going to watch Glenn Beck’s series for the laughs? Think hard on that one. It costs money now. Read more on Google Thinks We’re Dumb And Lets Glenn Beck Take Over the Internet…
  winning the suture

Beloved Natural Gas Even Worse Than Coal

The Hill today has a detailed story on a Cornell University report that says natural-gas “fracking,” endorsed by Obama, among others, is pretty terrible for the environment. What? In The Hill? Oh, the coal lobby must have bought a bigger ad in their paper than the natural-gas lobby. Read more on Beloved Natural Gas Even Worse Than Coal…
  rejoining the confederacy

Republicans Trying To Lure Away Joe Manchin With All The Coal He Can Eat

Republicans in the Senate are trying to lure a few Democrats into switching parties and giving them a majority, because apparently they want more responsibility for this crappy economy while not being able to get any of their dumb laws past Obama. First up on the list is apparently Joe Manchin, presumably because all you have to cough up (from your black lung) to a West Virginia senator is the chairship of the Energy and Natural Resources Committee and funding for a plant that will turn coal into diesel fuel so that we can reduce America’s reliance on foreign atmosphere-killers. But of course that proud Democrat told them no, correct? Nope. Read more on Republicans Trying To Lure Away Joe Manchin With All The Coal He Can Eat…