The CNN Political Ticker has a cute story about those silly Chinese and one of their very primitive thinker-people and Congress and stuff. What wacky bad jokes can be made here? “WASHINGTON (CNN) – In a belated celebration on Wednesday, the House marked last month’s 2,560th birthday of Chinese philosopher Confucius by passing a resolution recognizing ‘his invaluable contributions to philosophy and social and political thought.’” Next sentence… wait for it… “But some members apparently prefer their Confucius confined to a fortune cookie rather than on the House floor.” HEY-O! Take that, railroad workers. [CNN via segue-monitoring operative "Josh G."]

Hmm… we’re not going to offer our opinion on the matter until we hear what Bill Kristol has to say about this. [CNN]

It’s one of those massive political assassination world story sadness unrest political crisis nuclear death sad sad times, so, two things: (1) condolences to the Bhutto and (2) CNN.com is sooooo funny in times like these! Crisis logo with morose black-and-white gravity and tender fonts? Check. Obvious article about how world leaders are “shocked” at this mindfuck of a story? Check. Articles about how CNN knew this would happen all along, how you can send send your thoughts to CNN then watch them proceed to not give a shit, and how Time — a publication under the same ownership as CNN — has made a definitive statement for the record that will go down in history? Check, check, check. And then of course, other pressing headlines about girls getting attacked by dogs/tigers/screwdrivers, as opposed to assassins. [CNN]