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Posts Tagged ‘cnn’

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

CNN Stands By Lou Goebbels, 150%

Tuesday, August 4th, 2009
  • High-frequency trading? Goldman Sachs? Ball’s in your court, Taibbi. [Matt Yglesias]
  • “You Want Context? Drudge Will Give You Context.” And brain herpes! [Weekly Standard]
  • Joe Biden is such a golly liberal fascist, according to liberal fascist experts. [USA Today]
  • The best part of RedState’s furry convention was when Liz Cheney gave everyone an enormous boner — as stiff as a starched collar! Who could resist doe-eyed Liz in that delicious panda bear suit? So soft. [RedState]
  • Sean Hannity is now a Texas Kentucky Colonel. [Think Progress]
  • CNN took one look at the ad Media Matters wanted to air and said, “What is this? You are not selling pills or automobiles? NO. This will not do. Air your facts on Fox.” [TPM]

EVERYBODY IS BIRTHERS!

Lou Dobbs So Crazy, It Makes ‘Media Matters’ Seem Kind of Funny!

Monday, August 3rd, 2009


Media Matters is, according to Lou Dobbs, “some kind of Mexican space alien, from Mexicans.” But the liberal organization best known for sending out emails about how Fox News isn’t liberal has finally done something kind of funny, by purchasing commercial time on orange-headed blubbermouth Lou Dobbs’ afternoon comedy hour, White Supremacy For Angry Dummies. MORE »


YEAH COME WATCH *US* DRINK NEXT TIME

OMG Obama and Some Other Dudes Drank Beers On the TeeVee

Friday, July 31st, 2009


What is this? It’s the tragic result of 5,000 White House photographers with old-fashioned “click-y cameras” taking 5,000,000 pictures of the president and vice president (both in shirtsleeves) and the stars of the new Cambridge reality teevee show, No Motherfucker You Cannot Arrest Me In My Fucking House I Am a Harvard Professor …. Oh So Just Step Outside For a Moment? MORE »


WAIT WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE AGAIN?

Barack Obama And Two Other People Will Drink A Beer, Soon

Thursday, July 30th, 2009

We read that CNN and MSNBC each have been displaying a “Beer Summit Countdown Clock” during their programs this afternoon, and here’s proof! (What’s that alert on the bottom there? Something about many humans dying in that country we invaded and occupied just for shits and giggles? Ha ha, weird, whatever.) But maybe the Beer Summit will be GOOD FOR AMERICA, and Washington, which has just been making everyone insane this week, unlike other weeks. MORE »


SPACE TOILETS

CNN Still Asking The Tough Questions

Monday, July 20th, 2009

Keeping them honest.Birth control? The spork? Caucuses? The labradoodle? The Volkswagen Thing? Democracy? Drip irrigation? Unmanned drones? [CNN]


SOMEONE'S GOTTA WRITE IT

CNN Finds Michelle Obama’s Plantation

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

The bounty hunters at CNN have located the plantation from which Michelle Obama escaped, and returned her. Pulitzer for Public Service much? [CNN via Wonkette bounty hunter "Patrick"]


REPUBLICANS IN THE NEWS

Insanity: Palin’s Spokeswoman Can’t Even Make Up Reasons Why Crazy Sarah Palin Just Bailed On Her Elected Position As Governor

Saturday, July 4th, 2009


Nutty Palin spokeslady Meg Stapleton was in New York when Nutty Palin suddenly resigned as governor of Alaska, the state that elected her as governor two-and-a-half years ago. Listen to Meg make NO SENSE as a baffled Anderson Cooper asks her again and again, “Lady why are you talking about basketball, and how does quitting equal leadership, and I don’t know who the hoop is, and who the ball is.” Cooper’s expressions around 4:40 are priceless. [CNN/YouTube]


JFK IS ROLLING IN HIS GRAVE

We Are Famous On CNN’s Wacky News-That-Isn’t-Really-News Segment

Friday, June 5th, 2009

Wonkette’s favorite girlfriend Jeanne Moos quoted our own Ken Layne referring to Obama’s “Ich bin ein Muslin” speech in Cairo yesterday. Other people, it appears, had the same clever catchphrase rattling around their skulls but whatever, Wonkette wins the Jeanne Moos News Hour. [CNN]


GORILLAS IN THE MIST

Schwarzenegger Congratulates Rush Limbaugh For Slimming Down To 650 Pounds

Thursday, May 28th, 2009


California Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger simply does not care for the right-wing fatso losers who now dominate the GOP. Rush Limbaugh has probably already revoked Arnold’s party membership. Soon the entire Republican party will consist of this bloated buffoon on the AM radio and the commenters at Free Republic. And Schwarzenegger will be the “green energy czar” or whatever in the Obama Administration, the end. [CNN]


CLOWNFARTS MCOLD

Richard Cohen Simply Does Not Know What To Think About Elizabeth Edwards

Tuesday, May 26th, 2009

The worst writer in the world, Washington Post landed gentry spokeswoman Richard Cohen, has met Elizabeth Edwards and John Edwards too! “I know John and Elizabeth Edwards — not well, just a bit. I’ve been to their house — the old house, the one in Washington. I had breakfast with them. I found her smart, likable. I never knew what to make of him. A three-dollar bill, I always suspected.” He knew about this all along, basically. “She drove me to where I could get a cab. We talked. What about? Can’t remember. Now this. What to think?” Who fucking knows GAHH! MORE »


RED SCARE

Michelle Obama Palling Around With Red Monster

Thursday, May 7th, 2009


Whoa, a black person on Sesame Street! They were not kidding, about the change. Here is elitist fashion plate Michelle Obama disrespecting our Queen again by saying the best thing she ever did was some kind of fetish play with a red monster which is actually just some terrible carpet with ping pong balls for eyes and a gay dude’s hand up its ass. Exercise, it’s what’s for dinner, fat America! [YouTube]