Wonkette
Posts Tagged “Cnn”
elite math
So Hillary Clinton has announced that she will stay in the presidential race until there is a nominee. By most measures, there already is one, so she is stupid. But Elite Math still says that she has a chance of winning this thing, as the above scenario from CNN's thrill-a-minute delegate counter shows. In this one, she will clinch the nomination (with one extra delegate!) by winning 45% of undecided superdelegates and 100% of remaining pledged delegates. Yes She Can! What other possibilities are there for Hillary to become president, according to this fun CNN game?
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How Hillary Clinton Will Win The Nomination Now
So Hillary Clinton has announced that she will stay in the presidential race until there is a nominee. By most measures, there already is one, so she is stupid. But Elite Math still says that she has a chance of winning this thing, as the above scenario from CNN's thrill-a-minute delegate counter shows. In this one, she will clinch the nomination (with one extra delegate!) by winning 45% of undecided superdelegates and 100% of remaining pledged delegates. Yes She Can! What other possibilities are there for Hillary to become president, according to this fun CNN game?
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terrible people
A friendly tipster sends us this screen grab because he was inexplicably going on the Internet to watch Hillary Clinton speak. So now you know that she is a space monster from Star Trek; although the usual spelling is "Klingon," that is just the elitist spelling — THE LETTER "C" MAKES THE CON SARN "CUH" SOUND, DAMN ARUGULA LIBBRALS.
She Is A Space Monster, There Is No Doubt
A friendly tipster sends us this screen grab because he was inexplicably going on the Internet to watch Hillary Clinton speak. So now you know that she is a space monster from Star Trek; although the usual spelling is "Klingon," that is just the elitist spelling — THE LETTER "C" MAKES THE CON SARN "CUH" SOUND, DAMN ARUGULA LIBBRALS.
WONKETTE ON CNN, THIS AFTERNOON Your Wonkette editor Jim Newell will be on CNN
america's greatest hero
A new CNN poll finds President George W. Bush Jr.'s disapproval rating at 71%. Three cheers and a free bag of Cheetos for our best hated overlord! To put that in perspective: President Nixon's disapproval rating was 67% just before he resigned in 1974; Harry S. Truman's was 66% in January, 1952, after he started a new war and let black and white people fight together in it! Can you imagine? [CNN]
George W. Bush Continues To Achieve!
A new CNN poll finds President George W. Bush Jr.'s disapproval rating at 71%. Three cheers and a free bag of Cheetos for our best hated overlord! To put that in perspective: President Nixon's disapproval rating was 67% just before he resigned in 1974; Harry S. Truman's was 66% in January, 1952, after he started a new war and let black and white people fight together in it! Can you imagine? [CNN]
mccain psychobabble
On-again, off-again douchebag New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman was pleasantly trenchant in his column on the "gas tax holiday" yesterday, in which he proved in eight or nine different ways why John McCain is a traitor for proposing this. A CNN anchor brought up Friedman's column with McCain today, and McCain comically called Friedman a gay New York rich liberal pinko elitist. And then he felt bad and said he loves Thomas Friedman. What gives? We're hearing that his campaign advisers forgot to give him his strawberry cream cheese-coated "Remembrall" this morning.
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McCain Calls Friedman Chauffered New York Elitist, Is Wrong
On-again, off-again douchebag New York Times columnist Thomas Friedman was pleasantly trenchant in his column on the "gas tax holiday" yesterday, in which he proved in eight or nine different ways why John McCain is a traitor for proposing this. A CNN anchor brought up Friedman's column with McCain today, and McCain comically called Friedman a gay New York rich liberal pinko elitist. And then he felt bad and said he loves Thomas Friedman. What gives? We're hearing that his campaign advisers forgot to give him his strawberry cream cheese-coated "Remembrall" this morning.
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never forget
Wonkette tipster "M.K." sends this ridiculous screenshot from CNN.com, with a note: "The attached Word doc has a lovely screen capture of their late-breaking news (bird stuck in tree) .... Please, for the sweet love of Jeebus, make fun of these troglodytes who have managed to dumb down what seemed already pretty dumb." Listen, "M.K.," if that is your real name, if you can't appreciate the importance of the pelican-in-a-tree story, we may well have to ask if you're wearing a little flag pin.
A Nation Challenged: CNN Covers Bird 'Stuck' In Tree
Wonkette tipster "M.K." sends this ridiculous screenshot from CNN.com, with a note: "The attached Word doc has a lovely screen capture of their late-breaking news (bird stuck in tree) .... Please, for the sweet love of Jeebus, make fun of these troglodytes who have managed to dumb down what seemed already pretty dumb." Listen, "M.K.," if that is your real name, if you can't appreciate the importance of the pelican-in-a-tree story, we may well have to ask if you're wearing a little flag pin.
poll of polls
Except they aren't moving to one candidate, and they never will. If we had to predict November at this point, we'd say that the Supreme Court will order John McCain to serve as president until the Democrats pick a nominee, and then they'll order that John McCain serve a full term while he's at it. In other decisive poll news, a CNN "poll of polls" released Friday shows the two tied at 45% apiece in Indiana. Dagnabbit. [Gallup, CNN]
Democrats Finally Moving En Masse To One Candidate
Except they aren't moving to one candidate, and they never will. If we had to predict November at this point, we'd say that the Supreme Court will order John McCain to serve as president until the Democrats pick a nominee, and then they'll order that John McCain serve a full term while he's at it. In other decisive poll news, a CNN "poll of polls" released Friday shows the two tied at 45% apiece in Indiana. Dagnabbit. [Gallup, CNN]
photo tours
No. No. 10 points? That is like a million points in the sense that HILLARY WILL KEEP RUNNING rather than letter us all take VACATIONS on BEACHES away from THIS. Blah blah blah, Hopey done blown it, more pictures below from Satan's lair.
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Weird Scenes From Hillary's Philadelphia Lair
No. No. 10 points? That is like a million points in the sense that HILLARY WILL KEEP RUNNING rather than letter us all take VACATIONS on BEACHES away from THIS. Blah blah blah, Hopey done blown it, more pictures below from Satan's lair.
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star turns
Congratulations, slacker! CNN's Jeanne Moos quoted perennial commenter PeteJayHawk in a segment on the terrifying political YouTubes now infecting the Internet faster than the Spanish flu. [CNN]
Wonkette Commenter Famous On CNN!
Congratulations, slacker! CNN's Jeanne Moos quoted perennial commenter PeteJayHawk in a segment on the terrifying political YouTubes now infecting the Internet faster than the Spanish flu. [CNN]
LOU DOBBS IS A REAL CHARACTER, REAL CLASSY GUY: Well glory be, one of the Media Matters press releases has a funny in it! Here's CNN host Lou Dobbs opening his show on March 21: "Tonight, Senator Obama wins the endorsement of the nation's only Hispanic governor, Bill Richardson. Is Obama pandering to ethnocentric special interests again? We'll have complete coverage." Barack Obama has yet to denounce the Hispanic race, because that would be like denouncing his uncle. [Media Matters]
DUMB FOOTAGE YOU MUST SEE OF BARACK ON VACATION: The Journalistic Reporters at CNN.com have made the stupidest video in at least two days, and you can view it here. It is Barack Obama resting, and talking on his cell phone, in the Virgin Islands. The cameraman gets scared and runs away and then starts filming again, and this happens several times. There is literally nothing interesting about this CNN.com video. We have watched it 12 times. [CNN]
that was avoidable
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Time's Joe Klein on CNN late this afternoon: "Maybe the operative metaphor here isn't drowning but a giant stingray landing in Obama's boat." Today's top story on CNN.com: "Woman on boat dies after ray strikes her." Let's give a big round of applause to Joe Klein of Time magazine; he'll be here every night this week, matinee on Saturday. [via Eschaton]
Sting Rays Metaphorically Killing Obama, Actually Killing Lady
Time's Joe Klein on CNN late this afternoon: "Maybe the operative metaphor here isn't drowning but a giant stingray landing in Obama's boat." Today's top story on CNN.com: "Woman on boat dies after ray strikes her." Let's give a big round of applause to Joe Klein of Time magazine; he'll be here every night this week, matinee on Saturday. [via Eschaton]
nation of pimps
When CNN was looking for authorities yesterday to comment on the Eliot Spitzer sex scandal, they found someone with real experience in the field: a former U.S. attorney who had to quit his job after a stripper said he had bitten her, on the arm, when he was all drunk and sad about losing a big drug case. So now the alleged stripper-biter makes his money providing informed commentary to news channels like CNN!
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Guest Spitzer Analyst On CNN Allegedly Bit Topless Dancer!
When CNN was looking for authorities yesterday to comment on the Eliot Spitzer sex scandal, they found someone with real experience in the field: a former U.S. attorney who had to quit his job after a stripper said he had bitten her, on the arm, when he was all drunk and sad about losing a big drug case. So now the alleged stripper-biter makes his money providing informed commentary to news channels like CNN!
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hillary and the press
This photo is making the rounds fairly quickly, because reporters care about nothing more than poor accommodations for reporters. According to CNN, this is "the Clinton press corps' less than ideal filing center in the Berger Activity Center men's locker room" in Austin, Texas. When reporters asked for food, Clinton staffers suggested they eat shit. [CNN via Daily Kos]
Clinton Campaign Hides Reporters In Bathroom
This photo is making the rounds fairly quickly, because reporters care about nothing more than poor accommodations for reporters. According to CNN, this is "the Clinton press corps' less than ideal filing center in the Berger Activity Center men's locker room" in Austin, Texas. When reporters asked for food, Clinton staffers suggested they eat shit. [CNN via Daily Kos]
illegal danish mexican aliens
President George W. Bush continued to waste his last year in office Saturday, as he hosted a reception for Danish Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen at his Crawford ranch. As they were eating lunch and discussing the... tense?... relations between Denmark and the United States, some batshit redneck lady was threatening to shoot Danish journalists for trespassing across the street. Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen was not harmed in the incident.
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Armed Redneck Lady Threatens Danish Journalist Outside Bush's Ranch
President George W. Bush continued to waste his last year in office Saturday, as he hosted a reception for Danish Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen at his Crawford ranch. As they were eating lunch and discussing the... tense?... relations between Denmark and the United States, some batshit redneck lady was threatening to shoot Danish journalists for trespassing across the street. Prime Minister Anders Fogh Rasmussen was not harmed in the incident.
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MORE LIKE DRYWALL, HEH: Hillary Clinton continues to strengthen her firewall in Texas, where she will be voted President of the United States on the spot. A new CNN poll has her losing by four points. Chalk this one up to those Microtrends. [CNN]