cnbc
Watch Tea Party Godfather Rick Santelli Blubber About the Jobs Report Conspiracy
Stocks Rally Due To Romney Win 100 Days In Future, CNBC Declares With Straight Face
The stock market. What is it? It is a collection, or “cooperative,” of people who throw bits of paper in the air and scream their faces off. If you are rich, it gives you muneez. If you are poor, it gives your boss muneez. When the stock market goes down, that is because everyone hates [...]
Rick Santelli Must Be Declared Vice President Right Now
We have been suggesting it for years: Palin/Santelli ’12. Santelli/Shimkus ’12. Becton/Santelli ’12. Newt/Santelli ’12. Sanford/Santelli ’12. Cornyn/Santelli ’12. “Jessie”/Santelli ’36. Mitterand/Santelli ’12. Eastman/Santelli ’12. Cheney/Santelli ’12. MAIL MAN/Santelli ’12. Jim Ready/Sanelli ’12. This is just a small sample of our recommendations. But now it is time to act. CNBC ranter jackass Rick Santelli, the [...]
CNBC’s Larry Kudlow Is Happy Japan’s ‘Human Toll’ Worse Than Stock Losses
Here he is, America’s Queen of Hearts! Larry Kudlow is the foulest talking head on any news channel. But how can he prove this, to people who don’t watch business news? By delighting in the death of so many in Japan, because this nightmare had not yet hurt his precious stock market. (Well, and how [...]
CNBC Publishes Secret AP Election Results; Republicans Lose
What’s the New World Order/Nobama got in store for the Teabaggers on Election Night? Nothing but pain, if these leaked Election 2010 results are to be trusted — and they are “not to be published or broadcast” until the Powers That Be are ready to announce Permanent Halloween for America’s tightly-wound white people. So many [...]
Here’s Trillions Of Dollars Of Wealth Bouncing Around In One Minute, Depending On What The Teevee Says
There should be a Network-esque black comedy about this very moment on CNBC, immediately. The three-keys-wide fat finger of one monster at Citigroup sells off billions of shares of Procter & Gamble — part of the Dow index — just as Erin Burnett is deciding to talk about it, and then Jim Cramer says basically [...]
Jesus, Everyone’s Insane
There is a crazy bald dude on CNBC, and he is going super-double crazy. And here, introducing this CNBC clip of insanity, is a guy in California who is … driving and doing a YouTube video at the same time, about how Californians will soon be sent to Concentration Camps. So, pack a suitcase and [...]
Howard Dean To Become New Jim Cramer
Doctor Howard Dean got a new job! He will be a “regular contributor” on CNBC, the important business channel which features idiots screaming at each other all day as the stock market does whatever it does — up some days, down some days, etc. Today he did a guest-hosting deal, on some CNBC show. Maybe [...]
Rick Santelli Is Very Upset That People Care About AIG Derivatives Unit Bonuses
All it took was for the National Outrage to direct itself at derivatives traders at the World’s Worst Company receiving bonuses, and now Rick Santelli is finally saying: Whoa… hey… let’s cool it down, right? Besides, this outrage over $165 million doesn’t exist in a vacuum. People want government policy towards AIG (“give them the [...]
TIME TO ABANDON THIS SHIP: “Friday brought more tumult for CNBC anchor Jim Cramer, when the chief executive of his online financial news site, The Street.com, resigned.” KEEP YOUR MONEY IN THESTREET.COM’S STOCK IT IS FINE. [Crain's]
OH RIGHT EVERYBODY WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT THE DAILY SHOW VS. CNBC: We really don’t think too much about Jim Cramer — if you’re making investment decisions based on some evening teevee show featuring a vulgar clown stomping around a New Jersey soundstage, you’re sort of beyond help. But, Daily Show comic Jon Stewart [...]
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