cnbc

A year after an embarrassing trading blowup led to millions of dollars being docked from Jamie Dimon’s paycheck, the chairman and chief executive ofJPMorgan Chase is getting a raise. Of course he is, because share prices have increased and this is the only thing that really matters. Did JP Morgan, under Jamie Dimon’s watch, preside over a global financial […]

CNBC Teevee Lady Maria Bartiromo is departing the Wall Street-fellating network that’s been her home for 20 years so that she can lick the bronze bull’s balls at rival Fox Business Network instead. Bartiromo recently got a bit of attention beyond the insular world of financial cable teevee when she mocked the very idea that […]

Your Wonket does not have strong opinions on this whole “Syria” mishegas. In fact, we do not have any opinions on this whole Syria mishegas. For one thing, we live up the ass of the administration (it is warm, and smells of summer plums), because for the most part we trust Obama’s judgment and sobriety […]

So here is a clip of Yr Wonkette’s Imaginary BFF Elizabeth Warren making the hosts of CNBC’s Squawk Box look like the pikers that they are. It’s like watching a clip from The West Wing, only better, because this lady is actually in the Senate and making things happen, like cosponsoring a bill to reinstate […]

Props where they are due, this dude, former Romney economic adviser Glenn Hubbard, does an awesome job laughing off the fact that CNBC (LIBERAL MEDIA) tried to murder him. This put us in mind of the one impressive thing George W. Bush ever did in his entire life.

The stock market. What is it? It is a collection, or “cooperative,” of people who throw bits of paper in the air and scream their faces off. If you are rich, it gives you muneez. If you are poor, it gives your boss muneez. When the stock market goes down, that is because everyone hates […]

We have been suggesting it for years: Palin/Santelli ’12. Santelli/Shimkus ’12. Becton/Santelli ’12. Newt/Santelli ’12. Sanford/Santelli ’12. Cornyn/Santelli ’12. “Jessie”/Santelli ’36. Mitterand/Santelli ’12. Eastman/Santelli ’12. Cheney/Santelli ’12. MAIL MAN/Santelli ’12. Jim Ready/Sanelli ’12. This is just a small sample of our recommendations. But now it is time to act. CNBC ranter jackass Rick Santelli, the […]

Here he is, America’s Queen of Hearts! Larry Kudlow is the foulest talking head on any news channel. But how can he prove this, to people who don’t watch business news? By delighting in the death of so many in Japan, because this nightmare had not yet hurt his precious stock market. (Well, and how […]

What’s the New World Order/Nobama got in store for the Teabaggers on Election Night? Nothing but pain, if these leaked Election 2010 results are to be trusted — and they are “not to be published or broadcast” until the Powers That Be are ready to announce Permanent Halloween for America’s tightly-wound white people. So many […]

President Obama hosted a town-hall forum on business and finance, which was aired on CNBC today and was for some reason held at the Newseum, that place where they display front pages of newspapers out front like Lenin’s body. It turns out many people are angry at Obama for “hating business,” despite his having done […]

There should be a Network-esque black comedy about this very moment on CNBC, immediately. The three-keys-wide fat finger of one monster at Citigroup sells off billions of shares of Procter & Gamble — part of the Dow index — just as Erin Burnett is deciding to talk about it, and then Jim Cramer says basically […]

WINGNUTS  2:46 pm September 1, 2009

by Jim Newell

FAMOUS CNBC LADY LITERALLY HAS NO IDEA WHAT SHE IS TALKING ABOUT: We know that most of you people like to spend your entire “workdays” watching the television channel for rich people, CNBC, so as to stay a step ahead of your fellow investors in the ultra-competitive “Who can lose most of America’s wealth the […]

There is a crazy bald dude on CNBC, and he is going super-double crazy. And here, introducing this CNBC clip of insanity, is a guy in California who is … driving and doing a YouTube video at the same time, about how Californians will soon be sent to Concentration Camps. So, pack a suitcase and […]