Tag Archives: closet cases

  The Homosexual Agenda Strikes Again

Creepy Michigan AG Who Stalked Gay Kid Gets To Pay $3.5 Million

This guy has drained our gay joke reservoir.
Our favorite swishy homo-Nazi crusader is back! Former Michigan Attorney General Andrew Shirvell has lost his trial in appeals court after defaming University of Michigan student Chris Armstrong. You may remember Andrew Shirvell from a few years ago. He was the bonkers assistant attorney general who made it his mission in life to stalk, harass, and publicly attack a single college kid for the crime of openly having The Gay. The attacks included claims that the kid, Chris Armstrong, was a gay Nazi, gay racist, gay elitist, gay orgier, gay Satanist … you get the picture. Shirvell did completely heterosexual things like host a blog dedicated to nothing but Chris-related news, follow and harass every single person on Chris’s Facebook page, and show up at Chris’s house to watch and videotape him from the bushes. We’re sure it was all because he cared. Read more on Creepy Michigan AG Who Stalked Gay Kid Gets To Pay $3.5 Million…
  put a ring on it

Mitt Romney Wants All You 22-Year-Olds To Get Knocked Up Now, For Our Savior

Gawd, you people are awful. According to famous women-binding failed presidential candidate Mitt Romney the problem with you selfish dolts is that you simply won’t get married when you’re really young. “Some people could marry, but choose to take more time for themselves,” Romney tells graduates of Southern Virginia University. “Others plan to wait until they’re well into their 30s or 40s before they think about getting married. They’re going to miss so much of living, I’m afraid.” Right? Because Grey’s Anatomy is already into its ninth season. That show won’t last forever. Sure, you’ll probably still be able to watch it on Netflix, but then you’ll binge watch and miss that “so much of living” that comes from substituting mediocre network tv for sex every Thursday night at 9:00 Eastern/8:00 Central. Read more on Mitt Romney Wants All You 22-Year-Olds To Get Knocked Up Now, For Our Savior…
  important legal battles of our time

Michigan’s Most Effeminate Homophobe, Andrew Shirvell, Into Kinky Bus Play, Panel Concludes

Brave American and very heterosexual hero Andrew Shirvell was really upset in 2010 because the University of Michigan student body president Chris Armstrong (himself a gay) was obviously trying to make Shirvell gay with his radical homosexual agenda. To counter Amstrong’s man-on-man voodoo, Shirvell devoted his entire adult life to following Armstrong around and chronicling all the ways Armstrong was a “gay Nazi” on a Blogspot blog. Eventually Shirvell’s employer, the Michigan Attorney General, told him to stop obsessively blogging about everything this one undergraduate college student was doing. Shirvell bravely fought back against these George Soros-funded big government socialists (conservative Republican Attorney General Mike Cox) and the radical homosexual effort to silence his comically high-pitched voice. Read more on Michigan’s Most Effeminate Homophobe, Andrew Shirvell, Into Kinky Bus Play, Panel Concludes…
  as straight as a ham biscuit

Lindsey Graham’s Butchest Moments

For years, Lindsey Graham has been dogged (a little bit of pun intended there) by allegations that he is gay. He denies this, and professes to just be a strange bachelor whose house is strewn with trash. Last December, however, gay-outer Mike Rogers said he had “pictures” of a man who spent the night at Graham’s house. But the photos never materialized. Sure, there are photos like the one above, of a man showing Ham Biscuits a map of a penis being inserted into some kind of orifice. But in the interest of closure, we’ve tried to find some really butch photos of Graham. He’s totally straight! Read more on Lindsey Graham’s Butchest Moments…
  hiding the money in the ass

NY Dem Voted Against Gay Marriage, Used Gay Lover To Help With Bribes

New York state Senator Carl Kruger is one of the four notorious Democrats who killed David Patterson’s push to legalize gay marriage in the state last year. So it should come as no surprise that he is utterly corrupt and lives with his gay lover and his gay lover’s mother. According to the charges against him, Kruger accepted hundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes in exchange for support in the legislature, and his lover Michael Turano set up fake companies to accept the money. It’s still unclear why a gay man like Kruger whose party even supported gay marriage saw the need to kill it with the help of a few friends, unless he was just trying to be the worst state senator humanly possible. Read more on NY Dem Voted Against Gay Marriage, Used Gay Lover To Help With Bribes…
  say it loud goproud

Conservatives Quitting CPAC Because Gay Conservatives Are Coming

Popular wingnut conference “CPAC” has been the coming out party for many exciting wingnut media careerists such as Sarah Palin/Team Family Sarah Inc. But is the conference now too popular with “show people”? Apparently so: Several fringe-right family values groups are defecting from the gala Washington social event because gays have been invited, in the form of a Republican group called “GOProud,” which is different than other conservative groups in that GOProud members are what Louie Gohmert would call overt homosexuals. CPAC is all about furtive reacharounds after too many cocktails at the Doubletree Inn lobby lounge, not out ‘n proud queers! Read more on Conservatives Quitting CPAC Because Gay Conservatives Are Coming…
  southern gentlemen

Loathsome Southern Dandy Lindsey Graham About To Be Outed?

Lindsey Graham, South Carolina’s favorite lifelong bachelor and former military prosecutor, is always reliably against homosexuals having any basic human rights in America because Lindsey’s a Republican, y’all. Anyway, famous outer-of-self-hating-queers Mike Rogers says he’s got pictures of one of Lindsey’s boy toys leaving Lindsey’s house. This would be SHOCKING because come on, everybody knows Republicans cannot be gay because Jesus did not make gays. Read more on Loathsome Southern Dandy Lindsey Graham About To Be Outed?…
  republicans in the news

Anti-Gay Bakersfield Republican Spent All His Time Being Gay At Gay Bars

Hahaha: “The owner of Faces, the club where [California state Senator Roy] Ashburn reportedly was hanging out before his arrest, told CBS 13 that he can’t confirm whether Ashburn was there Tuesday night because the club was packed with 400 patrons for a Latin drag queen beauty pageant.” Also, the openly gay mayor of West Sacramento outed Ashburn on Facebook, but nobody noticed. Read more on Anti-Gay Bakersfield Republican Spent All His Time Being Gay At Gay Bars…
  'ear/voice -- e-mail'

PETE SESSIONS INSANELY GAY FOR TERRIBLE CRIMINAL: “Just hours after federal agents charged banker Allen Stanford with fleecing investors of $7 billion, the disgraced financier received a message from one of Congress’ most powerful members, Pete Sessions. ‘I love you and believe in you,’ said the e-mail sent on Feb. 17. ‘If you want my ear/voice — e-mail,’ it said, signed ‘Pete.'” So… they’re fucking. [Miami Herald] Read more on …
  predictions

Wonkette Correctly Exactly Predicts Which Congressman Would Fight DC Gay Marriage

Yesterday, your Jim Newell announced DC’s gay-marriage-is-okay news with this caveat: “HOWEVER, while Father Congress is not expected to go all ‘Home Rule’ and block this sucker, we’re about 99.9% sure that one congressman or another representing some salty swamp in the middle of nowhere will make a half-assed attempt to ruin this, score a few points with the folks back home, etc.” Hmm, “salty swamp in the middle of nowhere,” where could that be? Read more on Wonkette Correctly Exactly Predicts Which Congressman Would Fight DC Gay Marriage…
  republicans in the news

Gay Larry Craig Gives Up Fighting Gay Cruising Conviction

Idaho bathroom goblin Larry Craig is out of the Senate and (sort of) out of the closet. The notorious homosexual Republican will no longer fight his conviction for “disorderly conduct” in a Minneapolis airport men’s room, where he was cruising a notorious “cruisy toilet” for gay bathroom sex with a man, who turned out to be an on-duty cop conducting a “sting operation against men cruising for gay sex.” Read more on Gay Larry Craig Gives Up Fighting Gay Cruising Conviction…