MSNBC and the Main Stream Media’s latest coup against the “House of Clinton” — they are conspiring to not let her talk during the very conspicuously timed commercial breaks. This is a very old “yellow journalism” ploy, invented by David Shuster.

Yikes. What’s gotten into Our Chris Matthews? He’s apparently a Clinton fan now! Watch him harass this Texas state senator, an Obama supporter, for several minutes. He DEMANDS the senator name a single Barack Obama accomplishment. To quote Matthews: “Sir, you have to give me his accomplishments. You’ve supported him for president, you’re on national television, name his legislative accomplishments, Barack Obama’s, sir.” Is Tweety having his period?

Dashing Barack Hussein Obama was also daring Barack Hussein Obama tonight — he calls out John McCain by name! Usually the way it works is, “some old white grumpy senators might claim” such and such. But Barry hates Iraq and its Emperor McCain with all the Hope he can muster, and he dares speak the snake’s name.

In the city of Obama, Japan, they are wildly promoting the American candidate-warrior who shares their name. His reputation is legend, like the ancient samurai Tom Cruise! After the jump, watch various small business owners in Obama, Japan declare that “every Tuesday is Super Tuesday,” and other inane crap that they don’t understand. MORE »

John McCain hates Mitt Romney with the passion of the gods. So how does he show his appreciation for Romney’s official endorsement today? By saying Mittens made him “a better candidate,” with those hilarious lies and Iraq timetables and state health care in Massachusetts. Mitt Romney being a preppy flip-flopper won McCain the nomination. Is that what you’re hearing? No one’s smiling here.

Chris Matthews’ son hopped on the “Chinese Bus” today from New York. Or was it from China? Or maybe he meant to say, let’s see, Chinatown bus? Only residents of a few states in the Northeast know what the Chinatown buses are, so now most of the country is wondering what Chris Matthews’ magical “Chinese Bus” is.

Oh Tweety. He gets a southern governor on his teevees, like Virginia’s Tim Kaine, and he asks him to “speak Southern.” When Tim Kaine says “I’m a Kansan by birth,” all Matthews can do is laugh. He is a monster.

Further proof that Hillary Clinton is the candidate for young people: she was in a Rock ‘n’ Roll Band! And as this official Hillary Clinton video notes, this means she will pay for your college education. [YouTube]

The Department of Justice announced today that it is charging evil Chinese spies — one of whom is American, like Jesus — with giving secrets to the evil Red China mainland. Being a Bush administration Department, however, they manage to find the silver lining in this press conference: it’s because our economy is so Free! See, the liberals would red-tape the secret-swapping market to death, and that’s why you should vote for Alan Keyes. [AP/Google]

He may apologize later tonight, but MSNBC’s David Shuster totally thinks Chelsea Clinton is a prostitute. He has a point though — look at those clothes! There are breasts flying everywhere. Still, this is such a big deal that Hillary Clinton may never appear in an MSNBC debate again, ever. [MSNBC]

Wonkette’s “Polaroid Liz” Glover is up at New York City’s Fashion Week, with all the famous Movie Stars and popular musicians and various other hobos! Aside from looking at all the pretty new clothes, Liz harassed these celebrities about their presidential endorsements. Nicky Hilton is oblivious to everything, Maggie Gyllenhaal is a mute, and Pharrell Williams wants to know what Liz thinks. Clearly none of them know that there’s an election this year, because celebrities aren’t very smart.