Tag Archives: clips

 

Barack Rips Hillary’s Scary Ad With Silly Parody

Ha ha, what the hell is wrong with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton? Clinton released her horrifying “a terrorist calls you at 3 a.m. and threatens to kill your babies, unless Hillary Clinton is president” ad this morning, and that defensive Obama has released a direct, snippy response already! His version — after the jump — is more like “a terrorist calls you at 3 a.m. and threatens to kill your babies, and Barack Obama never supported the War in Iraq.” Read more on Barack Rips Hillary’s Scary Ad With Silly Parody…
 

Frumpy Tim Russert Examines Barack’s Various Prejudices

newVideoPlayer("obamajewish_wonkette.flv", 463, 387,"");As everyone in Chicago knows, Barack Obama’s two best black friends are Islamist leader Louis Farrakhan and Jeremiah Wright, Barack’s anti-white preacher. Why does Barack consort with them? Will he bring hope to America’s white Jews when he’s sultan? Tim Russert is determined to know. Read more on Frumpy Tim Russert Examines Barack’s Various Prejudices…
 

Conspiracists Destroy Hillary With Sexist Commercial Breaks

newVideoPlayer("hillarycommercial_wonkette.flv", 463, 387,"");MSNBC and the Main Stream Media’s latest coup against the “House of Clinton” — they are conspiring to not let her talk during the very conspicuously timed commercial breaks. This is a very old “yellow journalism” ploy, invented by David Shuster. Read more on Conspiracists Destroy Hillary With Sexist Commercial Breaks…
 

Chris Matthews Angrily Harasses Obama Supporter To Death

newVideoPlayer("matthewsobamasen_wonkette.flv", 463, 387,"");Yikes. What’s gotten into Our Chris Matthews? He’s apparently a Clinton fan now! Watch him harass this Texas state senator, an Obama supporter, for several minutes. He DEMANDS the senator name a single Barack Obama accomplishment. To quote Matthews: “Sir, you have to give me his accomplishments. You’ve supported him for president, you’re on national television, name his legislative accomplishments, Barack Obama’s, sir.” Is Tweety having his period? Read more on Chris Matthews Angrily Harasses Obama Supporter To Death…
 

Barack Goes Negative on Mexico’s John McCain

newVideoPlayer("obamacain2_wonkette.flv", 463, 387,"");Dashing Barack Hussein Obama was also daring Barack Hussein Obama tonight — he calls out John McCain by name! Usually the way it works is, “some old white grumpy senators might claim” such and such. But Barry hates Iraq and its Emperor McCain with all the Hope he can muster, and he dares speak the snake’s name. Read more on Barack Goes Negative on Mexico’s John McCain…
 

Obama, Japan Loves Its Barry For Obvious Superficial Reason

In the city of Obama, Japan, they are wildly promoting the American candidate-warrior who shares their name. His reputation is legend, like the ancient samurai Tom Cruise! After the jump, watch various small business owners in Obama, Japan declare that “every Tuesday is Super Tuesday,” and other inane crap that they don’t understand. Read more on Obama, Japan Loves Its Barry For Obvious Superficial Reason…
 

McCain Thanks Romney With Implicit Hatred

newVideoPlayer("masterdebating.flv", 463, 387,"");John McCain hates Mitt Romney with the passion of the gods. So how does he show his appreciation for Romney’s official endorsement today? By saying Mittens made him “a better candidate,” with those hilarious lies and Iraq timetables and state health care in Massachusetts. Mitt Romney being a preppy flip-flopper won McCain the nomination. Is that what you’re hearing? No one’s smiling here. Read more on McCain Thanks Romney With Implicit Hatred…
 

What Is This ‘Chinese Bus’ You Speak Of?

newVideoPlayer("matthewsbus_wonkette.flv", 463, 387,"");Chris Matthews’ son hopped on the “Chinese Bus” today from New York. Or was it from China? Or maybe he meant to say, let’s see, Chinatown bus? Only residents of a few states in the Northeast know what the Chinatown buses are, so now most of the country is wondering what Chris Matthews’ magical “Chinese Bus” is. Read more on What Is This ‘Chinese Bus’ You Speak Of?…
 

Chris Matthews Asks Tim Kaine To “Speak Southern” For Him

newVideoPlayer("matthewskaine_wonkette.flv", 463, 387,"");Oh Tweety. He gets a southern governor on his teevees, like Virginia’s Tim Kaine, and he asks him to “speak Southern.” When Tim Kaine says “I’m a Kansan by birth,” all Matthews can do is laugh. He is a monster. Read more on Chris Matthews Asks Tim Kaine To “Speak Southern” For Him…
 

Hillary Is Funny And Hip, Like America’s Children

Further proof that Hillary Clinton is the candidate for young people: she was in a Rock ‘n’ Roll Band! And as this official Hillary Clinton video notes, this means she will pay for your college education. [YouTube] Read more on Hillary Is Funny And Hip, Like America’s Children…
 

Chinese Spies Learn Every Secret About America, For Only $9.95!

newVideoPlayer("spies.flv", 463, 387,"");The Department of Justice announced today that it is charging evil Chinese spies — one of whom is American, like Jesus — with giving secrets to the evil Red China mainland. Being a Bush administration Department, however, they manage to find the silver lining in this press conference: it’s because our economy is so Free! See, the liberals would red-tape the secret-swapping market to death, and that’s why you should vote for Alan Keyes. [AP/Google] Read more on Chinese Spies Learn Every Secret About America, For Only $9.95!…
 

Here’s That David Shuster Guy Calling Chelsea a Whore

newVideoPlayer("pimped_out.flv", undefined, NaN,"");He may apologize later tonight, but MSNBC’s David Shuster totally thinks Chelsea Clinton is a prostitute. He has a point though — look at those clothes! There are breasts flying everywhere. Still, this is such a big deal that Hillary Clinton may never appear in an MSNBC debate again, ever. [MSNBC] Read more on Here’s That David Shuster Guy Calling Chelsea a Whore…
 

Paris Hilton Ends Bid For Presidency!

newVideoPlayer("richie.flv", 463, 387,"");Wonkette’s “Polaroid Liz” Glover is up at New York City’s Fashion Week, with all the famous Movie Stars and popular musicians and various other hobos! Aside from looking at all the pretty new clothes, Liz harassed these celebrities about their presidential endorsements. Nicky Hilton is oblivious to everything, Maggie Gyllenhaal is a mute, and Pharrell Williams wants to know what Liz thinks. Clearly none of them know that there’s an election this year, because celebrities aren’t very smart. Read more on Paris Hilton Ends Bid For Presidency!…
 

Conservatives Boo, Then Wildly Cheer, ‘Mexico John’ McCain

newVideoPlayer("mccain_booed.flv", 463, 387,"");Sweet Jesus, it’s a conservative explaining a non-conservative opinion to crazy conservative wildebeests at CPAC! What is happening to “our Republican Party,” where they need to explain things? This is not America. This is Mexico. This is what the Mexicans do. Read more on Conservatives Boo, Then Wildly Cheer, ‘Mexico John’ McCain…
 

Mitt Quits, A Nation Sobs

newVideoPlayer("mitt_leaves.flv", 463, 387,"");He was a Mormon. Then he fixed the Olympics and liberal Massachusetts. Then he was the Republican nominee for nothing. Always and forever, he was the biggest liar and panderer in American history, but he meant well. The point is: Ronald Reagan. Ronald Reagan, Ronald Reagan, Reagan Reagan Ronald. SIZE DOES MATTER. Read more on Mitt Quits, A Nation Sobs…
 

Why Does Chris Matthews Tell So Many Lies?

newVideoPlayer("terrychris_wonkette.flv", 463, 387,"");Chris Matthews to Clinton’s campaign manager, Terry McAuliffe: “I wish I had you on my side in life. You’re the best.” Yeah, too bad he has to keep toting that dumb broad Hillary around. Men: BOOO! Read more on Why Does Chris Matthews Tell So Many Lies?…
 

Cell Phone Strife At CBS!!

newVideoPlayer("jeffcellphone_wonkette.flv", 463, 387,"");CBS News’ delightful Jeff Greenfield — well, he’s not so delightful anymore, according to Ice Queen Katie Couric. His phone went off IN THE MIDDLE OF THE TEEVEE. Katie Couric yells at him, then realizes yelling would make her less pretty. So then she giggles. It’s America’s anchor and her nutty sidekick, on America’s most famous network! Read more on Cell Phone Strife At CBS!!…
 

‘Therapy Dogs’ To Stay in Iraq For One Hundred Years

newVideoPlayer("Dogs_Snapper.flv", 463, 387,"");The era of Donald Rumsfeld is over. American troops in Iraq have the equipment, support and troop numbers they need to make the SURGE win even more. But our correspondent in Sadr City says that it’s the pwecious wittle “therapy dogs” that are winning the public relations war. Even Iraq mayor Osama bin Laden saw Shocky the Therapy Dog recently and immediately blew himself up over his schoolboy’s glee. Read more on ‘Therapy Dogs’ To Stay in Iraq For One Hundred Years…
 

Iranians’ Bike Tour Around World To Get Them Out of Iran

newVideoPlayer("Iran_Bike_Snapper.flv", 463, 387,"");As the CNN tells us, one Iranian couple is going on a bike tour “for peace” around the world, where they plan to educate us ninnies on the glories of their very fertile country! The Iranian government had no problems, either, letting them embark on this delightful envoy mission. The bikers are in the United States now, and will stop in other wealthy countries where the government won’t kill them on the way… back. Do you see what I’m thinking? This is an ungodly brilliant couple: They simply told the Iranian government that they would go on a “bike ride for peace” around the world, and now they’re out of Iran. This is your window, disgruntled Iranians! Get some cheap bike, tell Ahmadinejad it’s for peace and what not and get your ass out of Iran. Read more on Iranians’ Bike Tour Around World To Get Them Out of Iran…
 

Kennedys Praise Barry For Being Like Their Family

The oldest and most important man — the “dean,” or “stern grampa,” might we say? — of the Democratic party, the Liberal who is somehow brothers with various political legends who died 900 years ago, TED KENNEDY, gave his big endorsement speech for Barry today at Washington’s American University. Caroline Kennedy, whose father was some sort of neat, pretty president in the 1960s — the one obsessed with putting humans on the moon by a certain time — joined Uncle Teddy to give a Hope speech as well. Congrats, Barry: you have officially become a Kennedy today. It would be wise to beef up your security. After the jump, some clips of Ted and Caroline’s speeches. If Ted keeps getting this excited whenever he says “Change,” he may very well die. But isn’t death a Change in and of itself? Read more on Kennedys Praise Barry For Being Like Their Family…
 

Rudy Somehow Touting His Complete Lack of Support

newVideoPlayer("Not_Endorsed_Snapper.flv", 463, 387,"");In last week’s Florida GOP debate, they asked Rudy about those dastardly words the New York Times offered him in their McCain endorsement. Rudy, with only one not-entirely-bullshit card to play, was proud — the New York Times, see, is for gays and Clintons and crippled hobbits. Now he’s actually running with that idea — that liberal newspapers are in gay-love with John McCain. And if a=b=c and you carry the zero and pigs fly, that means conservatives must automatically like Rudy Giuliani! There’s no 9/11 in this ad, but the new flavor of suffocating strategy — that he is the best because he has no endorsements — might… make the kids like him more? Read more on Rudy Somehow Touting His Complete Lack of Support…
 

Famous Liz Kucinich Accompanies Husband To Some Work Function

newVideoPlayer("Kucinich_Quits_Snapper.flv", 475, 376,"");Yesterday, Elizabeth Kucinich accompanied her husband, a politician of some sort, to a speech about something. Elizabeth stood in the crowd and maybe text-messaged some friends on her cell phone. It’s not any major Elizabeth Kucinich news, but we thought you should know how Elizabeth spent her day yesterday. Read more on Famous Liz Kucinich Accompanies Husband To Some Work Function…