Peggington Noonington, chief female word-writer for the aristocracy’s private royal banking pamphlet, the Wall Street Journal, careth not for the Africkan dauphin appearething on so many of her Image Machine’s programmes, on Sunday. It is “boorish.” Zero of them, the Americans, wish to see this Human. [Huffington Post]

Madame regina St. Peggintonia Noonanshire of the Wall Street Journal banking pamphlet guest-hosted a special version of Mornington Joeington today, and one of the topics was the Death of Newspapers and Journalism. In this snippetington, she interrupts a polite conversation between Mika and Arianna to declare an Official Sadness over how, in the future times, our greatest newspapers will not be able to afford sending a single reporter “undercover” to Newark, New Jersey for five months. “Oh well.” Then she calls everyone who does anything on the Internet an idiot, especially in San Diego. Just a very rude woman sometimes, Peggington is. [MSNBC]

Here’s Sarah Palin being interviewed for some guy’s upcoming documentary about how the media stole her presidential victory and gave it to Barack Obama — TOO TRUE — by showing wholesale clips of her babbling embarrassing nonsense for minutes at a time, without interruption. This clip is over nine minutes long but we recommend watching it all, for hilarity. The best parts are when she’s watching old clips of herself being mocked on the interviewer’s portable teevee. She gets angry! [Big Hollywood]

Here is one of the only non-Palin SNL skits we’ve enjoyed in recent decades: Ben Affleck mocks the crap (however inaccurately) out of that self-righteous silvery fraud, Keith Olbermann, who some of you people inexplicably enjoy. Whatever. But we can all agree that he opens himself to some friendly mockery, right, and that he could be a team player about it when and if it does happen? Well, Olbermann is of course a parody of himself in real life and has responded angrily about the evil conservatives that are bribing NBC to BRING HIM DOWN. MORE »

Here’s old Walnuts on SNL last night with Tiny Fey, as Sarah Palin. They mock their entire campaign, ha ha ha. It’s pretty funny! Especially near the end when McCain takes the floor out from under Palin’s 2012 chances. Awkward! And after the jump, another clip from Weekend Update with John McCain, because he was just bumming around that studio all night long. They probably offered him a hot meal. MORE »

OK Sarah LOOK: no one has any fun mocking you anymore. Just please go back to Alaska and continue firing your ex-brother’s sister’s aunt’s abusive husband’s police dog’s baby’s commissioner again, as you were until this dumb butt, McCain, put you on his ticket. Go back to being a GILF. You were so lovely, then. [Gawker]

We have seen some “chatter” about the second-straight brilliant episode of Hardball today, and hot damn, this is some seven-diamond comedy here. Matthews is interviewing Republican radio host “Kevin James,” who screams in some white-trash voice about Obama being an appeaser for a couple minutes, before — around 4:00 into the clip — Matthews annihilates him, calls him “pathetic,” says “you don’t know anything,” and does this for several minutes. Nice work. Do it again tomorrow! [MSNBC]

In what pundits have described as “the most contentious” nomination battle in the Constitution Party’s 16-year history, famous nut Alan Keyes has lost the bid to radio host Chuck Baldwin in a blatant act of white racism. The party held its national convention in Kansas City over the weekend and selected Baldwin over the towering figure of Keyes by a vote of 384-126. Thus ends Alan Keyes’ winding path towards the White House in 2008, the highlight of which was this hilarious performance at a Republican debate in December, which we honor in the above clip. [Kansas City Star]

Here is some video from last night’s Hillary Clinton rally at the University of Pennsylvania, including Stephanie Tubbs Jones getting fired up and having a verbal hernia. There’s a cappella and some cameraman giving Liz the middle finger. Then the Mayor of Philadelphia, Michael Nutter, says “MUST BE SOME VOTIN GETTIN READY TO HAPPEN UP IN HERE.” Then Chelsea comes on and says “my mom and my dad blah blah blah, I am the human in this family.” Then Bill Clinton lies, he lies a lot. You’ve never heard someone lie more in your life than you have Bill Clinton at a rally for his wife. But he sounds so nice, still. Then they play a song from the Ford commercials, the end.

Chris Matthews’ beloved Hardball show had been visiting yet another demographic that has no interest in political shows on cable television: College kids! But it was a lot of fun for everyone, especially when Matthews’ wacky light-hearted question ended up being a total setup for Obama to call him a jackass. [Campaign Circus]

Barack Obama was on teevee’s female program The View this morning. These ladies are all really terrible and how any of them got famous, historians will never quite understand. So here they are shouting “YOU’RE VERY SEXY” in Obama’s face, the end.