Clips - Wonkette

ruined

Alan Keyes Loses Constitution Party Nomination!

In what pundits have described as "the most contentious" nomination battle in the Constitution Party's 16-year history, famous nut Alan Keyes has lost the bid to radio host Chuck Baldwin in a blatant act of white racism. The party held its national convention in Kansas City over the weekend and selected Baldwin over the towering figure of Keyes by a vote of 384-126. Thus ends Alan Keyes' winding path towards the White House in 2008, the highlight of which was this hilarious performance at a Republican debate in December, which we honor in the above clip. [Kansas City Star]

12:55 PM on Mon Apr 28 2008
By Newell
1,278 views, 35 comments

Latest by dxh: NOOOOOOOOOOOO!!! I was so looking forward to the Libertarian/Green/Constitution Party C-SPAN Debate because of him! more »

must be some votin up in here

It's Hillary's Friends, And Stephanie Tubbs Jones Shouting!

Here is some video from last night's Hillary Clinton rally at the University of Pennsylvania, including Stephanie Tubbs Jones getting fired up and having a verbal hernia. There's a cappella and some cameraman giving Liz the middle finger. Then the Mayor of Philadelphia, Michael Nutter, says "MUST BE SOME VOTIN GETTIN READY TO HAPPEN UP IN HERE." Then Chelsea comes on and says "my mom and my dad blah blah blah, I am the human in this family." Then Bill Clinton lies, he lies a lot. You've never heard someone lie more in your life than you have Bill Clinton at a rally for his wife. But he sounds so nice, still. Then they play a song from the Ford commercials, the end.

12:53 PM on Tue Apr 22 2008
By Newell
1,351 views, 25 comments

Latest by john-berry: man, who's running this website. they are a bunch of dorks. more »

let's play hardball

Barack Obama Calls Chris Matthews (And Cable News) A Joke

Chris Matthews' beloved Hardball show had been visiting yet another demographic that has no interest in political shows on cable television: College kids! But it was a lot of fun for everyone, especially when Matthews' wacky light-hearted question ended up being a total setup for Obama to call him a jackass. [Campaign Circus]

1:30 AM on Sat Apr 12 2008
By Ken Layne
2,195 views, 24 comments

women

'The View' Ladies Act Like Themselves With Barack Obama

Barack Obama was on teevee's female program The View this morning. These ladies are all really terrible and how any of them got famous, historians will never quite understand. So here they are shouting "YOU'RE VERY SEXY" in Obama's face, the end.

2:24 PM on Fri Mar 28 2008
By Newell
4,165 views, 29 comments

everyone is racist

Civil War at Fox News Over Obama Bashing!

This Jeremiah Wright/Racist Grandma scandal has gotten so out-of-hand that it's developed some strange new scandal aesthetic — Post-out-of-hand. This stage in scandal evolution can only happen when perennial twit Chris Wallace, of Fox News, criticizes his own network for smearing Obama unfairly. And that is exactly what happened on this morning's Fox & Friends. So let's try this out: Th-th-thank you, Chris... Chris Wallace? [Shudder]. And this wasn't even the best part from this morning's Fox & Friends! ~~After the jump~~, watch the least-of-three-evils host, Brian Kilmeade, get so upset about the Obama bashing that he storms off the set, like a hobo! [UPDATE: The RedLasso player was crashing many browsers, so we have combined the two clips into one tour de force of hilarious Fox infighting! Brian Kilmeade walking off the set is first; Chris Wallace's heroic stand begins with two (2) minutes left in the video].

11:51 AM on Fri Mar 21 2008
By Newell
15,494 views, 53 comments

Latest by null: @mcg1075: Comment on Civil War at Fox News Over Obama Bashing! You'll having been talking about this for 2 week, what are you going to talk about this week because that is old new. more »

the race speech

Barack Obama Will Unite Everything With His Speaking

The people on the teevee are saying this speech will define Barack Obama's candidacy, because it is about race. Yes, his entire campaign is 100% about race. Or something? We'll leave that to the Professional Experts like Joe Scarborough. Still, good job once again, Barry — this little number had some bite. And since he'll lose Pennsylvania anyway, not a bad time to get this off his chest.

12:11 PM on Tue Mar 18 2008
By Newell
5,752 views, 114 comments

more things barack obama doesn't need

Tracy Morgan Endorses Obama On Saturday Night Live

Over the years, Saturday Night Live has witnessed a dramatic evolution in its black acting talent: from a hilarious actor who happens to be a crack addict (Garrett Morris) to a hilarious actor who imitates crack addicts (Eddie Murphy) to an unfunny actor who happens to be drunk most of the time (Tracy Morgan). Here's former SNL cast member Tracy Morgan endorsing Barack Obama and mumbling something about government cheese. We are looking forward to Inauguration Day 2009, when President John McCain personally bombs Saturday Night Live from his Space Rascal.

12:22 PM on Mon Mar 17 2008
By saraksmith
4,961 views, 34 comments

Latest by formerstockbroker: Factorysealed- thank you for the Biz reference. It's been too long. SNL has had its up's and downs,but Kristen Wiig in last week's "Suze Orman Show" redeemed its self from any lingering wispers of the Hortio Sanz years. As for more »

quitters

Eliot Spitzer Resigns, Silda Wall Offers Icy Death Glare

Here's our friendly New York Governor Eliot Spitzer resigning, with his wife, who still really doesn't want to be there. Uh, did she read Dina McGreevey's NYT column this morning? She gave all victimized political wives the right to not stand next to their husbands. Maybe Silda just wanted to make him look like more of a wretch, and she did a good job of that.

12:16 PM on Wed Mar 12 2008
By Newell
6,519 views, 60 comments

eliot spitzer's whores

Eliot Spitzer Actually Resigning This Time

But he just wanted to get laid! By a hooker! For $4,300 billion! And now he's resigning, effective next Monday for some strange reason. What is this, Gay France? [NYP]

10:37 AM on Wed Mar 12 2008
By Newell
2,063 views, 54 comments

sissies

Magical Politicians Make Children Swoon

Hey look, it's a study of why everyone is fainting so damn much at Barack and Hillary's speeches. Why doesn't the Main Stream Media show the numerous fainting wicket goblins at Ron Paul's rallies though? America is not ready to elect a wicket goblin as president, Dr. Sanjay Gupta advises.

10:55 AM on Mon Mar 10 2008
By Newell
836 views, 16 comments

denounce him

No, YOU Cursed, Brokaw

Tom Brokaw said "ass" tonight, and he should be fired from whatever job he has.

12:56 AM on Wed Mar 5 2008
By Newell
2,890 views, 19 comments

msnbc will solve the election

It's Almost Three A.M., And MSNBC Is Killing Your Babies

Here's MSNBC's panel debating the merits of Hillary's ad — political effectiveness vs. truth vs. fearmongering. What this tense debate reveals: Rachel Maddow is a libtard; Eugene Robinson is a moderate liberal; Pat Buchanan is an old white Republican; Joe Scarborough is a younger douchebag Republican. Who knew?

10:12 PM on Tue Mar 4 2008
By Newell
1,127 views, 27 comments

the race card

Joe Scarborough Pulls Out Old 'Tom Brokaw' Insult

Hey Eugene Robinson, Joe Scarborough says, why don't you go "Tom Brokaw" yourself, you gay little wicket goblin. Zing! Talk about getting DEFENESTRATED BY PROFESSIONALS.

8:42 PM on Tue Mar 4 2008
By Newell
804 views, 8 comments

the terrorists killing babies debate

Barack Rips Hillary's Scary Ad With Silly Parody

Ha ha, what the hell is wrong with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton? Clinton released her horrifying "a terrorist calls you at 3 a.m. and threatens to kill your babies, unless Hillary Clinton is president" ad this morning, and that defensive Obama has released a direct, snippy response already! His version — after the jump — is more like "a terrorist calls you at 3 a.m. and threatens to kill your babies, and Barack Obama never supported the War in Iraq." More »

6:22 PM on Fri Feb 29 2008
By Newell
9,971 views, 66 comments

Latest by regisgoat: @Ptarmigan High-5. more »

vetting obama

Frumpy Tim Russert Examines Barack's Various Prejudices

As everyone in Chicago knows, Barack Obama’s two best black friends are Islamist leader Louis Farrakhan and Jeremiah Wright, Barack’s anti-white preacher. Why does Barack consort with them? Will he bring hope to America’s white Jews when he’s sultan? Tim Russert is determined to know.

11:25 PM on Tue Feb 26 2008
By Newell
2,699 views, 30 comments

ohio debate clips

Conspiracists Destroy Hillary With Sexist Commercial Breaks

MSNBC and the Main Stream Media’s latest coup against the “House of Clinton” — they are conspiring to not let her talk during the very conspicuously timed commercial breaks. This is a very old “yellow journalism” ploy, invented by David Shuster.

10:20 PM on Tue Feb 26 2008
By Newell
1,429 views, 9 comments

angry tweety

Chris Matthews Angrily Harasses Obama Supporter To Death

Yikes. What’s gotten into Our Chris Matthews? He’s apparently a Clinton fan now! Watch him harass this Texas state senator, an Obama supporter, for several minutes. He DEMANDS the senator name a single Barack Obama accomplishment. To quote Matthews: “Sir, you have to give me his accomplishments. You’ve supported him for president, you’re on national television, name his legislative accomplishments, Barack Obama’s, sir.” Is Tweety having his period?

11:21 PM on Tue Feb 19 2008
By Newell
10,729 views, 62 comments

Latest by plain: @ProblemWithCaring: Well you do have a point. Neither Hillary nor Obama have ever accomplished anything. And they're running for President. Incredible. more »

i'm young i'm fly

Barack Goes Negative on Mexico's John McCain

Dashing Barack Hussein Obama was also daring Barack Hussein Obama tonight — he calls out John McCain by name! Usually the way it works is, “some old white grumpy senators might claim” such and such. But Barry hates Iraq and its Emperor McCain with all the Hope he can muster, and he dares speak the snake’s name.

11:03 PM on Tue Feb 19 2008
By Newell
1,962 views, 18 comments

Wonkette

Ron Paul Retracts Endorsement Of Racist Nut

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