Wonkette

OK Sarah LOOK: no one has any fun mocking you anymore. Just please go back to Alaska and continue firing your ex-brother’s sister’s aunt’s abusive husband’s police dog’s baby’s commissioner again, as you were until this dumb butt, McCain, put you on his ticket. Go back to being a GILF. You were so lovely, then. [Gawker]

We have seen some “chatter” about the second-straight brilliant episode of Hardball today, and hot damn, this is some seven-diamond comedy here. Matthews is interviewing Republican radio host “Kevin James,” who screams in some white-trash voice about Obama being an appeaser for a couple minutes, before — around 4:00 into the clip — Matthews annihilates him, calls him “pathetic,” says “you don’t know anything,” and does this for several minutes. Nice work. Do it again tomorrow! [MSNBC]

In what pundits have described as “the most contentious” nomination battle in the Constitution Party’s 16-year history, famous nut Alan Keyes has lost the bid to radio host Chuck Baldwin in a blatant act of white racism. The party held its national convention in Kansas City over the weekend and selected Baldwin over the towering figure of Keyes by a vote of 384-126. Thus ends Alan Keyes’ winding path towards the White House in 2008, the highlight of which was this hilarious performance at a Republican debate in December, which we honor in the above clip. [Kansas City Star]

Here is some video from last night’s Hillary Clinton rally at the University of Pennsylvania, including Stephanie Tubbs Jones getting fired up and having a verbal hernia. There’s a cappella and some cameraman giving Liz the middle finger. Then the Mayor of Philadelphia, Michael Nutter, says “MUST BE SOME VOTIN GETTIN READY TO HAPPEN UP IN HERE.” Then Chelsea comes on and says “my mom and my dad blah blah blah, I am the human in this family.” Then Bill Clinton lies, he lies a lot. You’ve never heard someone lie more in your life than you have Bill Clinton at a rally for his wife. But he sounds so nice, still. Then they play a song from the Ford commercials, the end.

Chris Matthews’ beloved Hardball show had been visiting yet another demographic that has no interest in political shows on cable television: College kids! But it was a lot of fun for everyone, especially when Matthews’ wacky light-hearted question ended up being a total setup for Obama to call him a jackass. [Campaign Circus]

Barack Obama was on teevee’s female program The View this morning. These ladies are all really terrible and how any of them got famous, historians will never quite understand. So here they are shouting “YOU’RE VERY SEXY” in Obama’s face, the end.

This Jeremiah Wright/Racist Grandma scandal has gotten so out-of-hand that it’s developed some strange new scandal aesthetic — Post-out-of-hand. This stage in scandal evolution can only happen when perennial twit Chris Wallace, of Fox News, criticizes his own network for smearing Obama unfairly. And that is exactly what happened on this morning’s Fox & Friends. So let’s try this out: Th-th-thank you, Chris… Chris Wallace? [Shudder]. And this wasn’t even the best part from this morning’s Fox & Friends! After the jump, watch the least-of-three-evils host, Brian Kilmeade, get so upset about the Obama bashing that he storms off the set, like a hobo! [UPDATE: The RedLasso player was crashing many browsers, so we have combined the two clips into one tour de force of hilarious Fox infighting! Brian Kilmeade walking off the set is first; Chris Wallace's heroic stand begins with two (2) minutes left in the video].

The people on the teevee are saying this speech will define Barack Obama’s candidacy, because it is about race. Yes, his entire campaign is 100% about race. Or something? We’ll leave that to the Professional Experts like Joe Scarborough. Still, good job once again, Barry — this little number had some bite. And since he’ll lose Pennsylvania anyway, not a bad time to get this off his chest.

Over the years, Saturday Night Live has witnessed a dramatic evolution in its black acting talent: from a hilarious actor who happens to be a crack addict (Garrett Morris) to a hilarious actor who imitates crack addicts (Eddie Murphy) to an unfunny actor who happens to be drunk most of the time (Tracy Morgan). Here’s former SNL cast member Tracy Morgan endorsing Barack Obama and mumbling something about government cheese. We are looking forward to Inauguration Day 2009, when President John McCain personally bombs Saturday Night Live from his Space Rascal.

Here’s our friendly New York Governor Eliot Spitzer resigning, with his wife, who still really doesn’t want to be there. Uh, did she read Dina McGreevey’s NYT column this morning? She gave all victimized political wives the right to not stand next to their husbands. Maybe Silda just wanted to make him look like more of a wretch, and she did a good job of that.

But he just wanted to get laid! By a hooker! For $4,300 billion! And now he’s resigning, effective next Monday for some strange reason. What is this, Gay France? [NYP]

Hey look, it’s a study of why everyone is fainting so damn much at Barack and Hillary’s speeches. Why doesn’t the Main Stream Media show the numerous fainting wicket goblins at Ron Paul’s rallies though? America is not ready to elect a wicket goblin as president, Dr. Sanjay Gupta advises.

Tom Brokaw said “ass” tonight, and he should be fired from whatever job he has.

Here’s MSNBC’s panel debating the merits of Hillary’s ad — political effectiveness vs. truth vs. fearmongering. What this tense debate reveals: Rachel Maddow is a libtard; Eugene Robinson is a moderate liberal; Pat Buchanan is an old white Republican; Joe Scarborough is a younger douchebag Republican. Who knew?