Ever wondered what would happen if two attractive feminists and one corpulent Hollywood director went to a Texas gay bar to round up votes for Hillary Clinton? One brave Dallas reader went deep under cover to bring you this exclusive investigative report. All the sordid details, after the jump! MORE »

Exhausted by the Hillary-Obama race? Kind of looking forward to John McCain getting 32% of the vote in November or maybe even dropping out in summertime, giving America a welcome respite from Election 2008? Well, too bad. The Main Stream Media wants you to know that beloved Polar Bear King Albert “Al” Gore may just end up as the Democratic nominee after all, thanks to a “second ballot” at the DNC convention that could give delegates, super delegates and super villain delegates the chance to put those women and minorities back in their rightful place. [Newsweek]

Wonkette tipster Matt Spiegler spotted this at a polling station in Carroll Gardens, Brooklyn, where a bake sale was also being held. Never before has a bake sale sign so trenchantly captured the struggle at the core of our “national conversation.” MORE »

According to John Zogby’s latest poll, Republican Senator John “Walnuts!” McCain is leading pretty much everywhere except in the great state of California, where conservatives want a leader with executive experience and magic underoos. MORE »

• To defend her war vote, Hillary Clinton is making shit up. [New York Times]
• Romney embraces his Michigan roots because that’s pretty much his only option. [New York Times]
• McCain has alienated some of the best members of the Republican Party. [Washington Post]
• Vegas politics are as weird as the rest of it. [Washington Post]
• The people who give Fred Thompson his money kind of think he should “do something.”[Washington Times]
• Members of Congress really like their Geocities websites. [The Hill]
• The Decider decided not to talk about democracy all that much on his trip to Israel. Go figure. [Wall Street Journal]

Ignore the rain and wind. Can’t you feel the excitement in the air? Yeah? It’s positively electric! Oh, it’s a scene, man. And this morning we are really wishing we were in Las Vegas taking informal polls at the craps table, having the sex with our favorite blonde photographer, calling our Dr. Feelgood for laser juice, and watching Hillary draw blood. All at the same time. Why not? We’ll celebrate, because tonight Hillary Clinton’s wrath promises to be a better bloodletting than the Hatton-Mayweather fight. Oh yes, it will be a massacre. Many will fall. Kicking off the day’s pre-debate coverage, The Caucus blog at The New York Times rounds up various news chatter about the race reaching “new levels,” campaign “fluidity,” and the relevance of Sun Belt voters. I think I just peed a little.

The Early Word: Democrats in Vegas [NYT]

Thanks to a kind tipster, we spent part of yesterday perusing the anagrams of our presidential candiates, which included Hillary Rodham Clinton (Damn Chilly Iron Harlot), Rudy Giuliani (I Rig Dolphin Luau), John Edwards (D’oh! Jaws Nerd) and Joe Biden (I Need Job). Strange, right? After the jump, The Dimmer Switch sheds some light. MORE »

Most of our presidential candidates have law degrees. All of them, except Mitt Romney, have practiced law. The New York Times recently examined the young legal careers of our presidential candidates. In Sen. Hillary Clinton’s early days, she represented a cannery that produced pork and beans, and in one case, a can which contained the ass of a rat. She argued that there was no real harm, and besides “the rodent parts which had been sterilized were considered edible in parts of the world.” MORE »

Hillary Clinton is not only kicking Barack Obama’s ass in the polls, she’s giving him a sound trouncing when it comes to staff numbers. AND she’s doing it with less money. According to reports, Clinton has around 700 on the payroll, while Obama has 631. In the last quarter, Clinton coughed up a mere $3.8 million to Obama’s $12.6 million. Meanwhile, Republican frontrunner Rudy Giuliani is far behind in staff numbers, weighing in at 189. [New York Post]

* Heard on the Hill: Airline travel brings out the worst in all of us…”The Devil Wears Prada” comes to Washington by way of Jeri Thompson’s antics…Stephen Colbert WILL get to know your district, unless its one of the 80 he forgot…What would a tour of Minneapolis be without a trip to the now infamous airport bathroom? [Roll Call]
* Yeas and Nays: Connie Lawn wants you to say hello to friendly, gentler motorcades…Supreme Court Justice David Souter never recovered from the recount ruling…Museum takes in former Rep. Earl Hutto lime-green 1979 Oldsmobile…New Zagat guide is out…Ann Coulter is asking for it–a fatwa, that is…Presidential hopefuls find their books going for pennies on Amazon…No widowed Wiccans allowed…Distillers try their hand at George Washington’s whiskey recipe…The U.S. Embassy in Baghdad a fortress of solitude, shopping and cinema. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Hurricane or not, Mitch McConnell enjoyed his time off…Sen Tom Harkin serves it up for ‘08 candidates…A call for resignation has less to do with the severity of the sin and more to do with the party persuasion of the governor. [The Hill]
* Shenanigans: Bush leaves through the side door…We’re the reason Larry Craig had to resort to an airport bathroom…The Oprah-Obama bash is only days away!…Gossip is a lifelong addiction…Larry Craig: a self-proclaimed romantic. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: Idaho men are tough and rugged with their tight jeans and tighter faces. [WP]
* Page Six: omeone’s getting fired at CNN after losing the only copy of Anderson Cooper’s Hurricane Katrina special. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: John Edwards does the down-faced dog for Russell Simmons. [NYDN]
* Washington Whispers: “Anything Goes” on the college version of 60 Minutes…Karl Rove finds a new job for the same boss…John Kerry helps out his old friend Leonardo DiCaprio…Bill Richardson won’t give up his SUV, despite his own pleas…Bill Clinton still hiding tapes in his sock drawer…Bush’s cabinet finally gets some pull…House Majority Leader Steny Hoyer goes to the Holy Land, finds the Golden Arches. [USN&WR]

So ABC’s got this two-part “docudrama” to cash in on the deaths of 3,000 innocents somberly remember the somber tragedy of 9/11, and it turns out a very angry right-winger wrote the script. But that’s not news — after all, angry right-wingers wrote the script for the real-life version, too! MORE »