climate change
Climate Change Will Kill Pretty Much Everyone, Says Report About To Be Ignored
Climate change and contributing factors from carbon-intensive societies will cause the deaths of an estimated 100 million people in the next 18 years, according to a report released today that politicians will be paid handsomely to throw away and never think about again. More than 90 percent of those deaths are expected to happen in [...]
How Many Stupid, Stupid Lawmakers Do We Have in Congress, Imperiling Very Existence of Life on Earth?
Exactly how many stupid, stupid people do we have in Congress these days, toiling away in the world’s most deliberative lawmaking body, making decisions that will probably imperil the very survival of the human race? And of these stupid, stupid people, how many are willing to talk to reporters and make good and sure that [...]
‘Weather’ On List Of Things GOP Will Not Talk About
Stupid liberals, why must you always be so stupid, introducing LOGIC into discussions that are clearly driven by IDEOLOGY and also: MONEY. See, after the Colorado wildfires burnt up a large portion of Colorado Springs, Democrats thought that it might be a good time to hold a hearing exploring the links between climate change and [...]
Fat Cat Gov’t Scientists Suggest It’s Really Hot Outside All The Time
Washington, DC is back down to 85 degrees again today — after two weeks of terrifyingly scorching volcano hell heat worse than anything that even the space between Chris Christie’s thighs have ever encountered, of course. But still: It’s 85 now. Al Gore is back to being fat and gay again, by all reasonable estimates. [...]
Drunk Text The President As The World Ends
Today, technology can make our lives better — even if our world as we know it is being destroyed! Oh, well, at least there’s a new episode of Game of — oh, crap. You can now donate to the presidential campaigns through text! No word on whether the presidential candidates would text back. How much [...]
Virginia Idiot: ‘Sea Level Rise’ Newest Left-Wing Plot
Al Gore, besides inventing the Internet and lying constantly about that thing he said that was 100 percent correct, is also responsible for other terrible crimes against humanity. Do you know what they are? They are taking facts, like that the sea levels are rising, and making them terrible words only liberals use. Yes, the [...]
Good Morning, The Future Is Here!
Welcome, Wonkette readers! Racism is in the past, the CDC is promising there are no zombies, and we’re building weapons to fight aliens! Aren’t you glad the past is over? According to Pew, difference in political opinions is what most divides Americans, rather than race or class. At first, this sounds amazing, because hello? Hooray [...]
NC Developers Working Hard To Prevent Scientists From Making Sea Level Forecasts
North Carolina science people have determined that coastal sea levels are expected to rise 1 meter by 2100 — far more than they’ve traditionally risen, due to the expected impacts of climate change. But developers in 20 coastal counties, see, have determined that such a rise would be bad for development prospects. So they’ve lobbied [...]
Check Out These Lovely New Heartland Institute Murder Billboards
Well look what the end product of tens of millions in donations from rich libertarian energy tycoons and their corporations is at the Heartland Institute: A hilarious series of billboards out on the Interstate saying “Derp derp the Unabomber believed in global warming, derp, splat, are you the Unabomber?” They come in a variety of [...]
The Wonkette Geopoliticker: Where Will Billionaires Propose To Each Other If The Maldives Are Gone?
Just as the world gets set to add a new nation, an archipelago in the Indian Ocean finds itself up next on the extinction list. The resort owners of the Maldives, alleged financiers of a coup there this February, aren’t the likeliest nexus of evil, but they might be ultimately responsible for killing everyone who [...]
Apocalyptic Weather Fools Americans Into Thinking Climate Change Is Real
Here is some exciting news we almost missed: Despite the yeoman’s service performed by Fox News in explaining to its panicky viewership how global warming was just a hoax invented by the Weather Channel in a cynical plot to gin up ratings, it seems that the never-ending string of Rick Perry’s failed rain dances, the [...]
California Innovates New Immigrant-Hating Treehugger Fusion Wingnut
Are you tired of seeing immigrants, mostly the illegal ones, rolling around in their garish earth-raping automobiles on their way to and from their garish stucco McMansions filled with, we don’t know, probably a few car elevators even? Did you mainline enough angel dust at breakfast this morning to come to the startling conclusion that [...]
Okie Sen. James Inhofe: No Climate Change Because Bible Told Him So
Best and smartest US Senator by universal acclamation James Inhofe has laideth down some Science on thee during an interview with (who else?) the Voice of Christian Youth America radio show “Crosstalk.” Spaketh Inhofe, while evangelizing his new “book,” The Greatest Hoax: How the Global Warming Conspiracy Threatens Your Future, “Well actually the Genesis 8:22 [...]
Wingnuts May Not Believe in Climate Change, But Insurance Companies Sure Do
Ugh, unwashed godless free market-hating ecoterrorist hippie cabal “the insurance industry” is whining about global warming, according to this press release just in from Bernie Sanders’ office. Oh just go make out with a bunch of dolphins, brainwashed hippies: Property and casualty insurers in the United States experienced an extraordinary estimated $44 billion in losses [...]
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