Tag Archives: class warfare

  If Only Obama Would Lead Part LXVIII

Serious Pundit Ron Fournier Blesses Us With A State Of The Union Viewing Guide, Oh Joy

Our eyes will be on Old Handsome Joe. We hear Obama's going to talk, too.
Bland centrist Ron Fournier, who seems to aspire to be David Broder without all the edginess, has graced us with some standards for judging Barack Obama’s State of the Union address tonight. Needless to say, he thinks the Republican takeover of the Senate presents America with a beautiful opportunity for Democrats and Republicans to “begin governing together” like good boys and girls — if only Obama doesn’t poison everything by trying to enact his agenda. Fournier tut-tuts: Read more on Serious Pundit Ron Fournier Blesses Us With A State Of The Union Viewing Guide, Oh Joy…
  can't feel the love tonight

Sarah Palin Literally Scourges And Crucifies Paul Ryan For Not Hating Poors Hard Enough

Professional Eddie Munster imitator Wisconsin Republican Rep. Paul Ryan had to be feeling pretty pleased with himself yesterday, raining all over B. Barry Bamz’s football-spikin’ party with a new 10-year budget proposal. Ryan’s lil’ April Fool’s Day prank would slash domestic spending by nearly 30 percent by 2024 (BIFF!), bump up Pentagon spending WAY over current budgets (POW!) and … wait for it … repeal Obamacare and make Medicare a voucher program for private health insurance (FLAWLESS VICTORY!). So, the screeching monkey wing of the Republican party had to be pretty chuffed about Ryan’s swan song budget, as he prepares to step up from the Budget Committee to obstruct run the Ways and Means Committee as chairman, right? WRONG, you are WRONG, libtard Wonket reader person, they are the opposite of chuffed!* You see, unless you grab aholt of the wheel and steer the budget Titanic directly INTO the iceberg, you are a RINO and just Part Of The Problem. Ask Sarah Palin, who took to the Tea Party version of the Wall Street Journal editorial page (Facebook) to blast Ryan with words, that she undoubtedly wrote herself because just read them. Read more on Sarah Palin Literally Scourges And Crucifies Paul Ryan For Not Hating Poors Hard Enough…
  won't anybody think of the rich and powerful?

Poor Persecuted Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Proves Critics Wrong: He *Can* Be A Bigger Dick

So you all remember Tom Perkins, right? He is the bazillionaire who is afraid that all the little people will go full-Nazi and holocaust all the rich people, because it was his turn to make the “just like Hitler” reference of the day. While he has since said that maybe, perhaps, the holocaust analogy went just a smidge over the line, he still feels that the rich are constantly getting dicked over by all the little people. In order to hammer home the point, he decided to go full-47%, a la Mitt Romney, and take aim at the takers: Tom Perkins suggested Thursday that only taxpayers should have the right to vote — and that wealthy Americans who pay more in taxes should get more votes. Clearly, Perkins is unimpressed with the current GOP efforts to block poor people from voting. Let’s explore the merits of One Dollar, One Vote, shall we?  Read more on Poor Persecuted Bazillionaire Tom Perkins Proves Critics Wrong: He *Can* Be A Bigger Dick…
  jane stop this crazy thing

U.S. Chamber Of Commerce Suddenly Very Worried The Tea Party Lunacy They Fostered Might Shut Down Government

It looks like the U.S. Chamber of Commerce did not get Ted Cruz’s memo that “President” Obama is actually the one shutting down the government, because POLITICO is reporting that the Chamber has “rallied nearly 240 groups to sign a letter Friday afternoon pushing Congress to avoid a government shutdown and to move fast to raise the debt ceiling.” Now wait just a minute, we thought it was a known known that when the government spends money, that money is poison and if a Job Creator touches it, America dies, and literally the only way that the government can help the economy is to melt, thaw and resolve itself into a dew. And we thought the Chamber hated Obamacare! Politics, what is up, why are you so confusing? Could it really be true that lurching from one manufactured crisis to another while randomly (and not-so-randomly) threatening to cause another recession unless the President agrees to cut off his own dick is actually worse for businesses than a plan to provide affordable insurance for people? Read more on U.S. Chamber Of Commerce Suddenly Very Worried The Tea Party Lunacy They Fostered Might Shut Down Government…
  Oh no. Not again

GQ’s Michael Wolff Will Never Get A Table At The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe (Updated!)

Updated! TWICE!! Let us now consider the case of Michael Wolff, a mindless jerk who’ll be first up against the wall when the revolution comes. While most ape descendants on this insignificant little blue-green world struggle to keep themselves fed and sheltered, Michael Wolff has written an essay for the UK edition of GQ about the almost unbearable challenges he faces in trying to find an adequate table at a half-decent restaurant in New York (Coincidentally, “ukgq” is also the sound we made while reading the piece). The entire scene has Wolff so distressed that he may just give up on New York altogether: For an adult in the city, restaurants occupy about as much time in a day, and impose as many rules, and create a similar insecurity or nameless rage, as school in the life of a child. There are other similarities: going to the right restaurants is at least as important as going to the right schools. Wolff goes on at great length about his frustrations with dining in New York, cataloguing his frustrations and resentments and sharing them in a voice that only an afficionado of Vogon poetry could love — he sounds like a blend of Zsa Zsa Gabor and Grandpa Simpson.* Read more on GQ’s Michael Wolff Will Never Get A Table At The Restaurant At The End Of The Universe (Updated!)…
  You Can't Fap To This

Recovering Weirdo Congressbum Thaddeus McCotter Wrote A Short Story! It’s Not Very Good!

Greetings, prose-act nation, and welcome to Doktor Zoom’s Fanfic Corner. Today, we’ll be sampling some awesome fan fiction from around the web. Our first selection is from a site that doesn’t usually run fanfic, Tucker Carlson’s Internet Tendency. It’s by aspiring TV sitcom writer and Tea Party rockmeister Thad McCotter, whose author tag describes him as “a simple country lawyer from Detroit and a recovering Congressbum.” Ha-ha! Self-deprecating humor will win the reader over for sure! While McCotter hasn’t specified what fictional universe the story is set in, it wouldn’t seem out of place in the worlds of Revolution, Red Dawn, or perhaps The Turner Diaries. It’s a fairly routine post-apocalyptic political “what-if” story titled “In Aeternum,” which is of course Latin for “Forever.” When are first-time posters going to learn that tossing around Latin all willy-nilly suggests pretentiousness, not gravitas? Read more on Recovering Weirdo Congressbum Thaddeus McCotter Wrote A Short Story! It’s Not Very Good!…
  workin on a chain gang

Mitt Romney: I Am Not Unhinged

Yesterday, Joe Biden said a thing about chains that was basically Joe Biden’s way of using a common metaphor employed by Mitt Romney to attack Mitt Romney. Why is Joe Biden so racist against Romneys? Mitt remarked, sensibly mind you, that the Obama campaign is a vile cesspool of filth and “ethnic” hatred out of which the monsters of terror come to abduct our women. “This is an election in which we should be talking about the path ahead, but you don’t hear any answers coming from President Obama’s reelection campaign,” said Romney, accusing Obama of “taking things to a new low.” And also “being divisive” and “attacking Mitt Romney.” Read more on Mitt Romney: I Am Not Unhinged…
  quiet rooms

Arizona Sen. Jon Kyl: America Has No Class

Why is our socialist Kenyan Marxist Muslim president being so NEGATIVE, hmm? The richest 1% of Americans are doing great! Corporate profits are at an all time high! It should be champagne and caviar for EVERYONE but NO, Obama is insisting on talking about something called the “Middle Class.” Of course, as Senator Jon Kyl (R-Arizona) points out, the existence of such a class is a total fiction because of rising income inequality because there is no such thing as “middle class values.” Even if there were (but there aren’t!), you shouldn’t run around DISCUSSING them, in PUBLIC, when you are the President, because it is un-American! And when you do it, you pit the middle class against people like Michael Jordan, which is bad for everyone. Jon Kyl kindly explained this to his colleagues and to the American people during a speech he made Monday on the Senate floor. Read more on Arizona Sen. Jon Kyl: America Has No Class…
  $100 million isn't cool

What’s In Your IRA? Don’t Worry, Mitt Romney Doesn’t Know Either

Oh HI, rapidly aging baby boomers! How is that retirement planning coming? From what we hear, not so hot! Perhaps if America’s baby boomers had been as smart as Mitt Romney and found a way to siphon $100,000,000 (ONE HUNDRED MILLION) into an IRA (individual retirement account to you young ones) in spite of strict caps on contributions, and found tax loopholes to exploit and sent their moneys on exotic vacations to places like Bermuda, they would not have to suckle so hard from the government’s teat and would be able to exercise Personal Responsibility of the kind that Saint Reagan preached. Read more on What’s In Your IRA? Don’t Worry, Mitt Romney Doesn’t Know Either…
  the horror

Master Of Terror Stephen King Rains Buckets Of Blood On Poor Rich Folks

Stephen King (“Carrie,” “Cujo” “The Michele Bachmann Story”) is a pretty rich dude, and he has some thoughts on other rich dudes and taxes. He makes a gentle argument, comparing hardly anyone to “old, dead dogshit,” so he cannot be a regular correspondent for Your Wonkette (also, he only quotes the motto of the Church of the Subgenius once). But he can still get an excerpt! Read more on Master Of Terror Stephen King Rains Buckets Of Blood On Poor Rich Folks…
  on broadwayyyyy

Old Lesbian Billionaire Warren Buffett Now Constantly Singing At People

It is official. Warren Buffett, the Sage of Omaha, class warrior, and by all appearances victim of Stage Four of Lesbian Bed Death, will now use his “fuck-you” money to buy a slot and make you listen to him singing whenever and wherever he wants. He has appeared with a ukelele for the Chinese New Year, and in his latest bid for the lights of Broadway, in a newsboy’s cap from the 1930s, when he was 47 years old. See him crackle and warble — charmingly! unbearably! depending upon your affection or lack thereof for the crusty tycoon — a “funny” song about how he now owns a newspaper, the medium of the future (just ask Rupert Murdoch)! Read more on Old Lesbian Billionaire Warren Buffett Now Constantly Singing At People…
  posers

Gazillionaire Mitt Romney Whines Gov’t Employees Earn More Than He Does

Dear old Mitt Romney is worth over $250 million, so he can mail himself a check for thousands of dollars as a reward for picking his nose if the fancy should strike him. But here he is in his finest “real worker” costume lecturing steel workers about his glue-snorting theory that federal government employees are “making a lot more money than we are.” Whoever the fictional “we” is in that sentence, they are probably cool enough not to do up the top button on their plaid work shirts, unlike Mitt Romney. Read more on Gazillionaire Mitt Romney Whines Gov’t Employees Earn More Than He Does…
  the oppressed rich

Ungrateful NYC Panhandler Reminds Wall Street CEO of Barack Obama

What on earth is America come to these days? Wall Street CEO David Moore is just aghast — aghast! — from a thoroughly horrid recent encounter where not only did a New York City street beggar refuse a charitable one-dollar bill that Moore proffered to him, but the beggar (really, you will not believe this) even threw the dollar on the ground! The insolence! Well, this will not do. Rude manners can hurt millionaires’ feelings too, you know! Oh, and these feelings shall not go quietly into the night, no, not this time. Moore must bravely recount his story to local country club bulletin the Wall Street Journal, so that all may ponder and shake their heads. Wherefore the panhandler’s venom against the rich man? Most certainly it is an unprecedented incident in the history of New York City, just as surely as someone put the poor man up to it. The culprit? If you guessed, “Barack Obama made him do it,” keep reading! Read more on Ungrateful NYC Panhandler Reminds Wall Street CEO of Barack Obama…
  other reasons the tea party is stupid and won't vote for a debt ceiling bill

Tea Party Won’t Vote For Pell Grants For Welfare Queen College Students

Frothing gremlin mosh pit “the Tea Party Caucus” is psychologically composed of the shrill, whiny kids on the playground who were already yelling “socialism!!!!” by age four when the teacher tried to give another kid a turn on the swings at recess, so here we are today with your adult-size whiny children complaining they won’t vote for John Boehner’s debt ceiling bill because it includes $17 billion in funding for Pell grants, small federal awards which average around $3,700 per college student annually and help over a quarter of college students. This is pretty much a steal compared to the $12,613 that the government spends in Medicaid funds for an unplanned pregnancy, but there is that weird playground nightmare still playing over and over in the Tea Party collective unconscious, so money for college is just “welfare.” Read more on Tea Party Won’t Vote For Pell Grants For Welfare Queen College Students…
  rent is too damn high

Household Income Short of $68K? Welcome To the New Poverty

Have you been laboring under the delusion that you’re still part of the tiny, rapidly vanishing Middle Class? Happy April Fools Day! A new study proves that a family of four needs $67,920 a year (pre-tax) to survive in America. And that’s basic: no vacations, no fancy dinners, no wine tastings, no fun-box deliveries from Amazon or Zappos or whatever every couple of months to break up the crushing monotony of work and eventual death. You will, however, spend an average of $12,000 a year on car insurance and payments on your crappy mid-sized sedan, because we don’t have much in the way of public transportation in this country. And you’ll spend another $12,000 a year on child care, because we don’t like to provide socialism in these parts, ha ha. Freedom isn’t free, after all. Read more on Household Income Short of $68K? Welcome To the New Poverty…