Wonkette

America’s quietest Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas has boldly endured two solid years of never saying anything, ever, in oral arguments, and is now entering the third year of his quest. The last time he spoke was in a death penalty case on February 22, 2006. Since then, Cocktobers have come and gone; nations have risen and fallen. So what has this man been doing with all that time he isn’t wasting on the ol’ blah blah blah? MORE »

An ancient book of hideous human hair samples is now on display at Philadelphia’s Academy of Natural Science, and political fanatics are lining up to see the tufts yanked or clipped from the lice-ridden skulls of America’s many dead presidents. But the fetishist who collected the bizarre witch book was unable to trick a lock away from Andrew Jackson, who took drastic measures to avoid the creep’s shears. MORE »

Yesterday’s Maureen Dowd column (oh, thank heavens for the end of TimesSelect!) was a wacky inside joke in which Dowd wrote ostensibly from the perspective of Justice Clarence Thomas, railing against Al Gore and disguising it as Anita Hill. Thomas refuses to apologize for denying Gore the presidency because he is a bore. It has been a while since we actually read MoDo regularly, so maybe our grasp of her grasp of irony is a bit rusty, but the whole thing is kinda funny considering how Dowd herself is nearly as responsible for Al’s political destruction as one vilified member of the court that sold him out! MORE »

* The President’s going to cut and run before everyone else does. [NYT]
* Those reports on viable options for Iraq withdrawal just don’t write themselves you know. [WP]
* Nancy Pelosi wraps up loose ends like that final scene in “The Godfather.” [WP]
* John Edwards doesn’t need money to become president, all he needs is hair product and poor people. [BG, Politico]
* Clarence Thomas: douche bag or fucktard? The debate continues. [NYT]
* A fake showdown is coming over the Libby pardon and some other shit Congress can’t do anything about. [The Hill, Politico]
* John Dingell came back from Live Earth with all kinds of crazy ideas about making gas too expensive to buy. [The Hill]
* Mitt Romney is at his best when he’s the only one on the ballot. [Politico]
* Fewer Mexicans are arrested at the border now that we’ve started shooting them. [WT]
* The newspaper people want you to know that Hillary only stayed with Bill so that she could be president too. [LAT, LAT Blogs]
* But John Kerry was just barely relevant in 2004. [USAT]

Travesties abound this week as Helen Thomas waits in the cold while waves of taxis pass her by, Clarence Thomas struggles to afford a $15 hamburger, and people still listen to anything Dick Gephardt has to say. All this sadness plus a sighting with a really fishy smell and a touch of Alanis-style irony, after you finish your Zoloft.

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It’s all cheap asses and skinflints in today’s Wonk’d with Clarence Thomas splurging on sesame chicken for his clerks, John Ashcroft trying to get to The Front Page before the free taco happy hour ends, and David Gregory hassling the hardest working independent booksellers in America. These succulent morsels plus what Mark Warner is still running for, and a GILF you’ve forgotten was still alive.

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Just this morning, the Supreme Court struck down the Bush Administration’s plan to try Guantanamo detainees before military commissions, as violative of both U.S. law and the Geneva Conventions. The decision in Hamdan v. Rumsfeld was 5-3, with the conservatives — Justices Scalia, Thomas, and Alito — in dissent. (Chief Justice Roberts was recused, since he had ruled on the case — in favor of the government — as a lower court judge.) MORE »

Today Wonkette took a field trip to the U.S. Supreme Court. We were all excited, ’cause we — like many others — thought it might be the last day of the Term.

The Court would hand down decisions in all its big-ticket cases — like the Texas redistricting case, and the Guantanamo Bay detainee case. Maybe a justice would announce his or her retirement. We might be present for the making of history.

As it turned out, the SCOTUS faked us out. Moving into overtime, they announced that tomorrow will be the last day of the Term. Perhaps their recent night at the movies caused the justices to fall behind in their work.

Nevertheless, our visit to the Court was worthwhile. Even though the decision in Hamdan v. Rumsfeld will have to wait until tomorrow, we did get to watch Justice Kennedy try to explain the confusing raft of opinions in the Texas redistricting case. And we swooned when the hunky Chief Justice started talkin’ dirty to us, about Article 36 of the Vienna Convention on “Consular Relations”…

After the jump, part one of our two-part photo essay on our day with the Supremes.

Update: Part Two is available here.

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Supreme Court justices are people too. And like all good Americans, they love going to the movies. From today’s Reliable Source:

So what if you have 25 cases to wrap up by the end of the month? No reason the whole office can’t bail out a little early one night to catch a movie together!

For the folks on the Supreme Court, a retirement was even more cause for a midweek treat. On Wednesday afternoon, all nine justices — plus recently retired colleague Sandra Day O’Connor and a handful of spouses — sneaked over to the Library of Congress for a private screening of the John Wayne classic “Red River.”

More details and commentary, after the jump.

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• Heard on the Hill: Rep. Kartherine Harris was seen barefoot outside of her house, screaming into her mail slot, “Let me in”. . . Does Rep. Marilyn Musgrave (R-Colo.) support the KKK?. . . “Lots of would-be Cabinet and high-level White House officials in a Gore administration” attended the reception for his film. [Roll Call]
• Washington Whispers: Democrats will scare voters about Republican plans for Social Security. . . Rumsfeld found “United 93″ to be “really tough to watch”. . . Democrats are concerned about a Speaker Pelosi. . . Harry Reid loves his iPod. . . Bill Frist’s wife is releasing a book about fathers and daughters. [USN&WR]
• Inside the Beltway: Dick Cheney: “I will consider a book when that time comes.” [WT]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Clarence Thomas thinks Bush is in “real trouble.” [NYDN]
• Names & Faces: Natalie Maines of the Dixie Chicks on Bush: “I don’t feel he is owed any respect whatsoever.”. . . Arianna Huffington: “You can smell the fear in Hillary Clinton. What happened to that fearless woman? Everything she does is poll-tested.” [WP]