Tag: clarence thomas

BREAKING! Clarence Thomas Is Gross Sex Perv Again, Allegedly

What a shocking story nobody was expecting.
Offer void where brown

North Carolina So Sad Supreme Court Won’t Let It Reinstate Racist Voting Policies Just A Little

The boring old Supreme Court says North Carolina has to let everybody vote. How is that even fair to Republicans who passed the state's voter suppression law?

Supreme Court Saves America From Transgender Teens Making Bathroom Everywhere

This kid really needs to pee, and SCOTUS won't let him.
Looks like he has some experience denying relationships

Ben Carson’s Best Buddy Armstrong Williams Is A Big Ol’ Manrasser! (Allegedly!)

Armstrong Williams, Ben Carson's business manager and longtime advisor, has been accused of sexual harassment by a former employee. Of course we have the icky alleged details!

YAY ABORTION! Best SCOTUS Decision Ever Strikes Down Texas’s Garbage TRAP Laws

Antonin Scalia did not get to write a dissent, because the devil won't let you do that in hell.

Supreme Court Rules Prosecutors Must Hide Racism More Effectively In Death Penalty Cases

The U.S. Supreme Court decided Monday that the Constitution only allows racial bias in jury selection when it's a lot more subtle than that practiced by a Georgia prosecutor's office 29 years ago. The court overturned the conviction and...
Now they've even destroyed the sanctity of divorce

Supreme Court Lets Lesbians Be Mommies, Civilization To End By Dinnertime

In a stunning defeat for the backwater cousin-humpers of Alabama, the United States Supreme Court unanimously ruled Monday that the state's Supreme Court sure is dumb at reading the Constitution. The case stems from a nice lesbian couple in Georgia...
He may or may not get to have a word with the Framers about original intent.

Dead Scalia Already Making America Great Again

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia's corpse has not been rotting long enough for us to miss him yet because that's never going to happen, even if we live for a thousand years. But his death is already having some wondrous consequences...
Oh, so THAT'S what that gesture means!

Deleted Comments: Obama Murdered Scalia, Just Like He Killed Joan Rivers!

Hey Kids, welcome to a special Saturday edition of your weekly Deleted Comments, seeing as our how Sunday morning is going to be consumed with giving you good people all the straight dope on the Nevada caucuses and the...

Wingnuts Agree: Obama Murdered Scalia Just Like He Murdered Breitbart And America

Well, that didn't take long. Within hours of Saturday's death of Antonin Scalia, the Wingnuttosphere was having a fine old time explaining it's UNPOSSIBLE for a 79-year-old Supreme Court justice to die of natural causes, because Reasons. There has...

Who Will Save The Babies Now That Antonin Scalia Is Roasting In Hell?

Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia (or "Anthony" Scalia if you are a moron, like Michele Bachmann) died Saturday night, when his heart quite suspiciously up and quit, as if a 79-year-old with health problems suddenly dying out of the blue is even...

SCOTUS Is Your Unlikely Gun Control Hero Of The Week

Guns and Muslims. Muslims and guns. Pretty much all we get to write about these days, thanks to a near-inexhaustible supply of racist pants-crapping rhetoric from this year's dismal crop of GOP candidates. And let's face it: literally all...
Now they've even destroyed the sanctity of divorce

Supreme Court Losers Lose Their Sh*t Over Gay Marriage, And It’s Delightful

It turns out that not every single U.S. American is sexcitedly happy dancing because the Supreme Court confirmed that, per the Constitution, the Constitution is for everybody. Like, some of the justices on the Supreme Court (but not enough of...
Obviously the wrong image for A&F

Supreme Court Spreads Sharia Law All Over Abercrombie & Fitch’s Popped Collar

The Supreme Court has ruled in favor of a Muslim woman who sued douchey prepster image factory Abercrombie & Fitch for refusing to hire her because she wore a headscarf to her job interview. Would you believe this is...
Be quiet so the judge can say sex words to you!

Alaska Judge In Big Trouble, Just For Saying Rapey Words To Everybody

Meet your new favorite judge in America, Wonkers! He is Nome Superior Court Judge Timothy Dooley, and he is being officially reprimanded by the Alaska Commission On Judicial Conduct, just because he has a habit of saying some very...
This is actually a thing that is happening right now, in Birmingham.

Supreme Court Forces Alabama’s Top Wingnut Judge To Swallow Gay Marriage

That friendly man pictured above is doing the hard work of exorcising the homosexual demons out of Alabama because YOU GUYS, the state officially has marriage equality! REPENT! Sunday night, Alabama Supreme Court Chief Justice Roy Moore -- America's greatest Ten...