What the headline said, duh! Uhh… hmm. It’s becoming impossible to follow the rapidly developing Balkanization within the Teabagger Movement. Let’s try to figure it all out in one post! Here’s the general storyline: Paultards and other “radical libertarians” are claiming that the Tea Party concept has always been their protest idea, for like infinity years, and that it was a damn good one too (got Dr. Cong. Paul elected president no?) until these fucking corporate-backed fucks, the mainstream Republican electoral apparatus, started laundering money into some “AstroTurf” (fake grassroots HA HA!) fat cat Establishment entities and hijacked the brilliant tea bag concept, (somehow) turned it into a joke, blasted it on Fox News, and fucking ruined fucking everything AGAIN WILL THESE PEOPLE EVER LEARN? MORE »

Fearing the tourist mobs on the Mall but needing a national monument fix? Head to the mysterious land of Petworth, home to Abraham Lincoln’s famous Washington cottage! MORE »

• IT HAS BEGUN: Wonkette Operative “Danielle R.” says there’s a riot going on, outside the Homeland Security Reichstag: “Few hundred people are outside the DHS/ICE building on 12th and D SW with a huge American flag, protesting immigration policy … ‘Reform Not Raids’ is their mantra, I think. The guy on the bullhorn sounds like Jimmy Smits, but maybe that’s just because i watched too much West Wing yesterday. Cops are starting to swarm, traffic is backing up a bit. Ooh sirens, yay.”

There were always two of them, at America’s favorite comedy blog, National Review Online. It was the Rule of the Two, as written by Dark Lord Reagan, on Dagoba. “Kathleen” would be a clever writer and kind of funny and attractive, although still a terrible Fascist, and “Kathryn” would be, well, “K-Lo.” Obviously, the smarter of the two would eventually be forced to admit that Sarah Palin is a dumb cretin. And now this one, Kathleen Parker, is touching herself in a tub of Holy Water, while smoking her last cigarette and laughing at the idiot bible-thumpers who ruined the Republican Party, forever. This is all in the Washington Post! MORE »

Whoa, it’s the electoral map with… with freakin’ dots all over the damn place, just cold clusterin’ and aggregatin’ over the blue areas. It is this: “Strange Maps overlays cotton production in 1860 with the 2008 presidential results.” Awkward! And as you can see, we’ve “overlaid” — with a retarded X — the approximate location of John McCain’s Mississippi plantation, which he refuses to visit for sexy parties every single year. [Strange Maps via Andrew Sullivan]

Has there ever been a more wonderful pre-election story than the McCain-Palin war? It’s like Christmas, Halloween and 9/11 combined, times a trillion, and sometimes it seems too fantastic to be real. Is the GOP ticket truly having a public war over which candidate doomed the Republicans? And do we really get daily updates from the Mainstream Media and Conservative Columnists? Yes, to everything! Today, Roger Simon of the Politico and George Will of the Washington Post hit McCain-Palin when they’re down. MORE »

Stocks may be up or down another 900 points right now, who knows — but they are very much down in general, like 35% down. And houses, they are worth nine dollars each, in KFC coupons, yet there are no takers. All the car manufacturers are shutting down, forever, and soon gasoline will be 45 cents a gallon again, and nobody will want some. Are Americans buying anything these days? Yes, they are buying millions of guns, for the coming race war. MORE »

YOU MIGHT BE A REDNECK IF … “Get enough meth or oxycontin in your system, load up the soon-to-be repossessed Ford Expedition with your buddies, and show these commies and blacks and elites and terrorist community gang organizers and Mexicans and gays and Muslims and Wall Streeters and harlots and Hollywood scum and Georgetown cocktail-sipping filth what you really think.” [AOL Political Machine]

Of America’s many great achievements in this young century, nothing can really top the savage rape and murder of the American Dream. Nobody really mentions it anymore, but ancient texts refer to this notion that everyone, through hard work, could become free and happy through the earning of riches, and then their kids would do even better, etc. Well, it is no longer true. Since the year 2000, only the wealthy have made more money. Everybody else is fucked, and the divide is rapidly getting wider. This is the conclusion of a three-year study by the Organization for Economic Co-operation and Development, a communist-terrorist group consisting of the United States and other rich nations. MORE »

So a couple days ago on Fox and Friends they were talking about Hillary Clinton challenging Barack Obama to a “Lincoln-Douglas debate.” They referred, of course, to the grueling series of seven three-hour debates held in 1858 between Illinois senatorial candidates Abraham Lincoln and Stephen Douglas, who was a shrimpy pro-slavery jackass. But those silly graphical artists at Fox thought the Douglas in question was Frederick Douglass, the former slave and abolitionist who basically agreed with Lincoln even if Lincoln had to hedge a bit to get elected! The point is, Hillary Clinton wants 21 more hours of debates which is why she must be stopped. MORE »

It has nothing to do with slavery. Obviously if slavery were the issue, both Georgia and Tennessee would want many slaves, forever. Instead, the Georgia legislature is considering a resolution to annex an extra mile on its border with Tennessee. The proposal has elicited “tongue-in-cheek saber rattling from Tennessee lawmakers,” who enjoy war. But leave fun to the liberals; this thing has some serious consequences: “If the border is redrawn, the new state line would fall across Nickajack Reservoir. That would allow parched Georgians to tap into the waters of the dammed Tennessee River.” If Georgia can’t annex part of Tennessee, everyone in Georgia will die. MORE »