civil war
Tennessee Denies ‘Voting ID’ To 96-Year-Old Black Lady
Racist Republicans in Tennessee have their first success with the new “Voter ID” requirement: A 96-year-old black lady who has voted in all but one election (in 1960) that she was legally eligible to vote in has been denied the right to take part in democracy. Why? Oh, just some piece of missing paperwork. That’s [...]
Ann Coulter: Police Should Fire On Liberal Protesters More Often
Golden turd soundbite machine Ann Coulter has squeezed out another Important Opinion about history: The police were doing a great job when they were firing on those annoying Kent State protesters. Why is state power even there if not to kill protesters? Packs of “unruly” protesters are free target practice. In fact, while we’re at [...]
Shutdown To Preclude Civil War Nerds From Re-Taking Fort Sumter
Won’t somebody think of the real victims? Hundreds of Union and Confederate re-enactors plan to stay in Forts Sumter and Moultrie, another Park Service site across the harbor, during a week of events. If there is a shutdown, plans will move forward to re-enact the bombardment Tuesday with about 30 cannons ringing the harbor from [...]
Jefferson Davis To Be Re-Inaugurated As President of Confederacy Tomorrow
It’s been over 146 years since the Confederacy ceased to exist. But it’s been exactly 150 years since Jefferson Davis was inaugurated president of the thing in Alabama, and, boy, doesn’t it seem like that latter one was just yesterday? Tomorrow, the Sons of Confederate Veterans (Sons? How old are they? 135?) are descending on [...]
South Carolina Honors Treasonous Slaveholders At Debutante Ball
Dust off your fiddle and play a nice slave owner hymn: It’s Secession Remembrance Week in South Carolina! And what better way to honor your treasonous, slave-owning heritage than to attend the magnificent Charleston Secession Ball this evening? (Lindsey Graham will wear his favorite gown, the one made out of ham biscuits. Good luck, eligible [...]
South Carolina Republicans Have Fun Slavery Dress-Up Party
The National Federation of Republican Women had a board-of-directors meeting in South Carolina over the weekend. Which means that it was the perfect opportunity to have a cocktail party called “A Southern Experience” at the Charleston Country Club, complete with two black people hired to play slaves or something and pose with guests. As you [...]
Southern Racists Will Declare Themselves As Such, On Their Census Forms
Good news, oppressed white slobs of the South! This year, you can finally escape the cruel fate of being a worthless minority by declaring your Racist Heritage on the U.S. Socialist Census. Awesome? In response to the race question on Line Nine of the form, something called the “Southern Legal Resource Center” — in no [...]
GOP Congressmen Start Throwing Civil War References Around
The best part about passing this health care bill, AND THERE ARE SO MANY GOOD PARTS, is all the assassinations and torrential violence we’ll have across the country, from confused people! FOR IT HAS HAPPENED HERE BEFORE: you know of what we speak. The “War of Yankee Aggression,” as Georgia Rep. Paul Broun calls it [...]
Opposing Health Care Reform Is No Different, Philosophically, Than Approving Of Slavery
If given the choice between saying something productive and something completely ineffectual, Harry Reid will always choose the latter. It is his signature Quirk! It is no surprise then that last night on the Senate floor Harry Reid did this rather silly thing by comparing Republicans who oppose the health care bill to people who [...]
Our Greatest President Had a Summer Home in Crawford DC
Fearing the tourist mobs on the Mall but needing a national monument fix? Head to the mysterious land of Petworth, home to Abraham Lincoln’s famous Washington cottage!
The Idiot Is McCain, For Picking Idiot Sarah Palin
Has there ever been a more wonderful pre-election story than the McCain-Palin war? It’s like Christmas, Halloween and 9/11 combined, times a trillion, and sometimes it seems too fantastic to be real. Is the GOP ticket truly having a public war over which candidate doomed the Republicans? And do we really get daily updates from [...]
Gap Grows Between U.S. Richie Riches and Wretched American Poor
Of America’s many great achievements in this young century, nothing can really top the savage rape and murder of the American Dream. Nobody really mentions it anymore, but ancient texts refer to this notion that everyone, through hard work, could become free and happy through the earning of riches, and then their kids would do [...]
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