Tag Archives: civil unions

  put a wingnut on it

Worst Psychiatrist Ever Keith Ablow Declares Marriage Dead, Removes Life Support, Burns Hospital To Ground

Never one to stoop to hyperbole, Fox News Psychiatric Head Doctor Keith Ablow proclaimed 2013 the year that marriage finally died, killed by the gays and the liberals and the courts and the polygamists, and also by the celebrities, too. Game over, man. GAME OVER! And just look at the evidence: More than a year ago, when states began to legalize gay marriage, I argued that polygamy would be the natural result. If love between humans of legal age is the only condition required to have the state issue a marriage license, then it is irrational to assert that two men or two women can have such feelings for one another, while three women and a man, or two men and a woman, cannot … Gay rights groups criticized me for suggesting that their bid for marriage rights would lead to polygamy being green-lighted. Well who’s laughing now, huh? Huh? Look what happened! A federal court judge overturned Utah’s polygamy law! And now the floodgates are open! Millions of polygamists are gonna start marrying each other all over the place! Never mind that what the judge really threw out was the part of the law that made cohabitation illegal — the granting of multiple marriage licenses is still very much illegal, and all the court did was to bring Utah law into line with other states’ bigamy statutes. But never mind, Ablow’s on a roll. Read more on Worst Psychiatrist Ever Keith Ablow Declares Marriage Dead, Removes Life Support, Burns Hospital To Ground…
  couple of the year

Colorado State Sen. Kent Lambert Exposes ‘Mind Control’ Technology Behind Civil Unions, Then Spontaneously Combusts

How’s this for a match made in heaven? No, not a ghey-marriage match, silly, those are lies from the pit of hell. We mean the combination of insane third-rate intertubes preacher Gordon “Chaps” Klingenschmitt, who sees demons everywhere — especially in gay animals — and his new BFF, Colorado state Sen. Kent Lambert, who went on the former Navy chaplain’s webby-teevee show to explain that civil unions are “a mind-control experiment” by Democrats to force everyone to accept gay marriage. We aren’t sure how Lambert managed to resist this witchcraft, since he does not appear to have remembered to wear his tinfoil hat. Ha-ha, we are joking of course. Lambert was able to escape the ghey mind-control rays by girding himself in the Armor of the Lord. Read more on Colorado State Sen. Kent Lambert Exposes ‘Mind Control’ Technology Behind Civil Unions, Then Spontaneously Combusts…
  let's do the time warp again

Colorado Legalizes Civil Unions, Moves To Desegregate Drinking Fountains Next

Congratulations, Colorado! It is the year of our lord 2013, and you have just now decided to let gay people formalize their relationships even though they put their mouths on men’s wangs and/or ladies’ muffins when they themselves have wangs or muffins. We would be bitchier about this, but Talking Points Memo assures us that in fact only 18 out of 51 jurisdictions (counting the District of Columbia) have seen fit to not treat homosexuals like human garbage when someone’s in the hospital or wants the “special rights” that is not getting punched in the junk when they try to open a joint checking account. Read more on Colorado Legalizes Civil Unions, Moves To Desegregate Drinking Fountains Next…
  forum shopping

Colorado House Speaker Forced To Find More Clever Ways To Murder Undead Civil Union Bill

We thought it was pretty special last week when Colorado House Speaker Frank McNulty killed a civil union bill dead by fleeing the chamber and never coming back. But the goddamn zombie civil union bill ROSE FROM THE DEAD when the stupid governor ordered the Lege into a special session to vote on it and other important things that got hung up by McNulty’s clever plan of running away so no one could vote. So what has he done to finally drive a stake through the heart of these icky legal protections for homosexual families? Well, he decreed that the session would only last three days, and that bill, which had passed through three committees already? Well, we’d best see what objections the Committee on Veterans and Military Affairs might have to people visiting their dying same-sex partners in the hospital! Read more on Colorado House Speaker Forced To Find More Clever Ways To Murder Undead Civil Union Bill…
  exit stage right even!

Colorado House Speaker Has Clever Solution To Killing Civil Unions: Make Like A Tree And Get Out Of Here

Why won’t the Colorado legislature vote on questions of significance instead of these silly old civil unions, and the DREAM Act, and medical marijuana? That is what Colorado House Speaker Frank McNulty wanted to know after some of his fellow Republicans voted to let a civil unions bill out of committee and to the floor for a vote. With just hours left in the session, McNulty thought fast and came up with a clever solution: he would go for a walk and never come back and nobody could vote on anything ever again! But how was it the Democrats’ fault? Because they did not pass civil unions three years ago, when they held both chambers and the governor’s office, and before there was such a groundswell for marriage equality, so too late, said some people! But what kind of fun parliamentary games did McNulty and his fellows play? All of them, Katie! From the Colorado Independent: “Let’s be clear, the Democrats are playing procedural games to place one bill over all the others,” [Colorado Springs’ Mark Waller] said. “Isn’t a filibuster a procedural game to kill that one bill?” asked a reporter. Waller didn’t respond. Republicans had been denying for hours that they were filibustering, even as Rep. Bob Gardner, R-Colorado Springs, read whole sections of text into the record, calling out punctuation marks, and Rep. David Balmer, R-Centennial, railed theatrically about how school lunch regulations amounted to a step on the road to Nazism. Read more on Colorado House Speaker Has Clever Solution To Killing Civil Unions: Make Like A Tree And Get Out Of Here…
  human mysteries

Anti-Gay Lady Doesn’t Know Ladies Can Have Butt Sex, Too

There are no pressing issues in Colorado, so the state Senate is hearing public testimony regarding “civil unions” (butt sex). That’s why this scary old lady from the “Eagle Forum” decided to lecture lawmakers on the proper use of the anus and the sphincter — and by “proper,” she definitely does not mean she’d like anybody sticking their whatzit in that business! This is why American Jesus-God made butts tight and, we guess, vaginas all loose and floppy? Is it possible this lady needs an emergency medical exam instead of dangerously sitting around the Colorado State Senate? The video answer may surprise you! Read more on Anti-Gay Lady Doesn’t Know Ladies Can Have Butt Sex, Too…
  funny pictures

Rahm Emanuel, Captivating Energy Orb Oversee Passage of Illinois Civil Unions

It is interesting that in a few short years, a very large state legalizing civil unions is now minor news. Anyway, here is phantom-eyed new Illinois resident Rahm Emanuel at the gay after-party, pictured with friend Unsettling Sentient Orb of Pure Energy, celebrating his new state’s basic human decency, via Wonkette operative “Gregg K.” Read more on Rahm Emanuel, Captivating Energy Orb Oversee Passage of Illinois Civil Unions…
  casimir pulaski day

Illinois Approves Civil Unions; Somebody Update Wikipedia, OK?

Illinois lawmakers on Wednesday approved legislation allowing civil unions in this state, and the governor has indicated he will sign it, making Illinois one of only a handful of states to grant to same-sex couples a broad array of legal rights and responsibilities similar to those of marriage. Read more on Illinois Approves Civil Unions; Somebody Update Wikipedia, OK?…
  intergenerational relationships

Chris Christie Endorses James ‘Rape Prank’ O’Keefe’s Latest Video

Conservative activist James O’Keefe released a video titled ‘Teachers unions gone wild’ claiming to show undercover footage from a New Jersey Education Association leadership conference bashing Gov. Chris Christie and discussing how hard it is for a teacher to get fired. At a town-hall style talk in Monmouth Junction on Tuesday Christie said that he has seen the video and finds it both ‘enlightening and enraging.’ Read more on Chris Christie Endorses James ‘Rape Prank’ O’Keefe’s Latest Video…
  it's morning in america

Border Governors Don’t Want To Party With ‘Nerd’ Jan Brewer

Traditionally, the governors of all the states on both sides of the U.S.-Mexico border (did you know that Mexico has “states,” with “governors”?) get together once a year to “celebrate border bonhomie … issue proclamations and pledges to work together, air grievances and concerns behind closed doors.” In other words, they drink unseemly amounts of tequila and go to strip clubs. But this year the host was supposed to be Jan Brewer, and all the Mexican governors (plus Bill Richardson) are afraid she will personally deport them when they show up for the shindig, so they’re thinking about doing it somewhere else, or maybe not doing it at all, and Jan will cry at home by herself and tell herself that when she goes to college, people won’t be petty like this, they’ll recognize her as an interesting and unique person and want to hang out with her. Read more on Border Governors Don’t Want To Party With ‘Nerd’ Jan Brewer… Read more on Border Governors Don’t Want To Party With ‘Nerd’ Jan Brewer…