Tag Archives: citizens united

  But in a good way!

Christian Church Will Take Convention To Better State Than Anti-Gay Indiana, For Religious Freedom

The Disciples of Christ denomination's cup runneth over, even for gays!
Yesterday we learned that the organizers of Gen Con, a huge gamer convention that brings about $50 million a year in tourism moneys to Indianapolis, are threatening to pick up and leave Indiana once their contract with the state expires, because Gov. Mike Pence promised to sign a backward bill that says it will guarantee “religious freedom,” but is in a reality a license for the most horrible residents of Indiana to discriminate against LGBT people by denying service, accommodations and whatnot. Gov. Pence has now made good on that promise, signing the bill Thursday morning in a “private ceremony.” Good for the Gen Con folks, because an Indiana with a “Fuck You Gays” bill doesn’t deserve tourism money. But now a true House Of The Lord is ALSO threatening to take their convention to a better state. Yes, you read that right. A Christian denomination, the Disciples Of Christ to be exact, wrote a letter to the governor saying, “Sorry, we follow Jesus,” because apparently a law designed to discriminate against a minority goes against their Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs: Read more on Christian Church Will Take Convention To Better State Than Anti-Gay Indiana, For Religious Freedom…
  This Is The Worst Cruz I've Ever Been On

All Your Excited Reactions To Ted Cruz’s Big Presidential Jesus Announcement

These Rand Paul supporters were excited to be in the front row
Ted Cruz is ready to take America down the Jesus Road to national salvation, and some people are more excited about that than others. On the one hand, you have your Tea Party Nation, which declares Cruz “the only electable Republican” because he’s very smart and is “not handcuffed with the consultant class” that has kept Real Conservatives from winning the GOP nomination, and hence the presidency. And then there are fans of other candidates, like the Liberty University students in the photo above, who wore their “Stand With Rand” t-shirts for Rand Paul and made a point of sitting in the front row. Read more on All Your Excited Reactions To Ted Cruz’s Big Presidential Jesus Announcement…
  and how'd you become king then?

King Obama To Give Citizens Choice Between Voting Or FEMA Camps, Thanks Obama!

It's good to be the king
From the wintry environs of Northeast Ohio on Wednesday, an Arctic wind did blast out across the land, chilling the hearts of freedom-loving patriots everywhere. For lo, the Dread Tyrant Obama did proclaim that all the citizenry be compelled under penalty of death to travel to the voting-booth and place the appropriate number of chicken heads in the ballot-basket in order to designate their chosen representative in the Parliaments of the States and the Nation (the Tyrant Obama will, of course, remain King for life). Read more on King Obama To Give Citizens Choice Between Voting Or FEMA Camps, Thanks Obama!…
  It'll be just like Robocop or Escape From New York.

Koch Brothers Pledge $889 Million To Least Losery 2016 Candidate, If Any

They just want to buy the White House is all
If President Obama’s lame-duck “don’t give a fuck” attitude has been improving your outlook on life lately, then fresh from Freedom Partners’ annual winter summit comes some news that will send you crashing right back down to Frown Town. An anonymous source who attended the summit told the Washington Post that Big Energy kingpins Charles and David Koch, the richest elder vampires of the richest family of bloodsuckers in the world, have apparently committed to spending a staggering $889 million during the 2016 general election. In other words, an unparalleled stream of cash that would make Donald Trump blush. Read more on Koch Brothers Pledge $889 Million To Least Losery 2016 Candidate, If Any…
  Trump/Thing On Trump's Head 2016!

President Trump Recalls How Easy Beating Obama Was In 2012

The yoogest, classiest President
Donald Trump was in Iowa this weekend making noises from his mouth hole about the possibility that he will keep talking forever about running for president, and people at Steve King’s CrazyRama actually applauded him. We can understand that, because as we believe we have pointed out, they are crazy. Less explicable is the fact that the Des Moines Register, an actual journalistic newspaper enterprise, asked Trump to sit down for an interview just like he was a real political candidate or something! Read more on President Trump Recalls How Easy Beating Obama Was In 2012…
  meth is a helluva drug

Sarah Palin Yo, She Is Classy As Fuc

No, she is never ever ever leaving. Who would pay for her wigs? Sarah Palin had a busy weekend, going to Las Vegas to eye-fuc this dude, Congressional Medal of Honor winner Dakota Meyers, while holding a sign telling lefty troll Michael Moore to fuc himself right in the surveyor’s marks. (His anus.) Read more on Sarah Palin Yo, She Is Classy As Fuc…
  It's the Derp-Derpiest Time Of The Year

Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place

Bachmann kept trying to get the Riddler into Conversion Therapy
Oh, dear lord, Iowa is going to be like a superdense mass of Dumb this weekend, as Rep. Steve King and Citizens United host the “Iowa Freedom Summit” — kind of a Moronic Convergence of rightwing political hacks all coming together to hang out with the man who proclaimed that DREAM Act kids were mostly “drug mules with thighs calves the size of cantaloupes” [how quickly we forget!] and who fretted about the president hosting a “deportable” at the State of the Union. Read more on Iowa Freedom Summit To Gather Most Of America’s Rightwing Idiots In One Place…
  the empire strikes back

GOP Uses ‘Cromnibus’ To Let Rich People Give Tons More Money To GOP

These yokels are pure Baltic Avenue.
Take note, progressive Wonkette scum — the GOP establishment is putting on a masterclass in how to consolidate a political victory. The 2014 midterms saw the party’s elders systematically strangle Tea Party challengers in their cribs and ride a wave of outside money to victory. You might think that an alliance between the GOP and Republican-aligned groups would be nice for the party, but that’s why you’re a namby-pamby ally-having liberal and not a victorious Republican alpha man-beast. Politico’s Ken Vogel shows us how the Republicans are using the “cromnibus” to finally yank Frankenstein’s monster back to the lab. Read more on GOP Uses ‘Cromnibus’ To Let Rich People Give Tons More Money To GOP…
  Rules Were Made To Be Broken

Oh Hey GOP, Whatcha Doin’? Breakin’ Some Laws?

No, honey, the rats are just playing a little rough.
You guys are not going to believe this, but CNN broke a story, and it’s got everything — political malfeasance, coded tweets, Karl Rove! It’s a story that once again reinforces how crappy Supreme Court Justice Anthony Kennedy’s reasoning in Citizens United was, and like most of Yr Wonket’s favorite stories, it appears to have come to light only because one group of professional ratfuckers decided to tattle to the press about another group of professional ratfuckers. First, let’s go over the facts as they’re being presented by CNN’s Chris Moody. Read more on Oh Hey GOP, Whatcha Doin’? Breakin’ Some Laws?…
 

What Are Corporations Lying About Today?

Corporations are people, my friend, as John Roberts has previously pointed out. Chief Justice Roberts thinks those corporations’ shareholders should be able to demand disclosure of corporations’ political expenditures, and he’s pretty sure that companies will abide by their shareholders’ mandates, because what are you, a communist? So we cannot count how many times John Roberts must have uttered “Oh my stars and garters” with his pretty Harvard mouth after he read this report from Citizens for Responsibility and Ethics in Washington: The report shows companies frequently are failing to disclose what they say they will. […] In addition to the discrepancies in contribution amounts, CREW found some companies’ contributions to 527 organizations appeared to contradict their stated policies about political giving, published on their websites, in their corporate reports, and in proxy statements. All of this gets very wonky very quickly, so if you don’t know the difference between a 527 and a 501(c)(4), let us Wonksplain at you: COMPANIES PROMISED TO TELL THEIR SHAREHOLDERS IF THEY GAVE ANY MONEY TO POLITICIANS, AND THEN THEY JUST LIED INSTEAD. “Big deal,” you snark, “companies lie all the time!” Ah, correct! Your jaded worldview has won the Internet today, long may you reign. But here’s why this matters. Read more on What Are Corporations Lying About Today?…
  property rights uber alles

Please Fund Our Kickstarter To Send Mike Huckabee To North Korea, Where He Can Be Free

Do you dig Mike Huckabee? Who doesn’t, really? If you do, you’ll definitely be into his speech at the Conservative Value Freedom Summit God Bless America Property Rights Jamboree thing over the weekend, sponsored, of course, by Citizens United and Americans For Prosperity. Huckabee, like every other conservative there, was stroking himself off to the thought that there might be an insurrection uprising shootout fun time over Cliven Bundy’s refusal to pay fees to graze his cattle on public land, because everyone knows that God meant for Americans to use every last bit of land for their personal gain whether they own it or not, because freedom. But Huckabee took his haranguing one step farther, and managed to do a conservative greatest hit concert and hit every imaginary grievance those people have. Oh, and he also decided he’d rather live in North Korea because of all their freedoms. Read more on Please Fund Our Kickstarter To Send Mike Huckabee To North Korea, Where He Can Be Free…
  spoiler alert: the rich win everything

Supreme Court Decides Citizens United Part Two: The Dickening

You are probably not surprised to learn that yr Wonkette’s understanding of, and interest in, campaign finance laws is limited, because we are not that kind of Wonkblog. Perhaps Nate Silver’s 538 thingee will do some charts and Ezra Klein’s Home for Wayward Contrarian Bloggers will add some context and then we will care. But even we know when to get pissed off about campaign finance stuff, and today is that day. This morning, the Supreme Court handed down a decision in McCutcheon v. Federal Election Commission. Why do you care? Because this sucker is this year’s Citizens United, and you can practically hear your right to free and fair elections tick tick ticking away, America. Where Citizens gave us those cool-ass SuperPACs so that people like Sheldon Adelson can throw $10 million at one candidate but it is totally not at one candidate because SuperPACs are magic. But wait! That didn’t really work out very well and those meddling Democrats STILL won things and we STILL haven’t broken the election system enough to completely exclude the blahs and the poors. Cue McCutcheon, which was a fight over aggregate limits. No no no no no, don’t wander off. We’ll explain! We’ll lawsplain! We’ll make it sexxxxy! Read more on Supreme Court Decides Citizens United Part Two: The Dickening…
  a purpose-driven life

Karl Rove’s Charity Has Very Charitable Purpose Of Buying Election For Mitt Romney

Hello, bleeding heart liberals, we know you are already very excited about hating SuperPACs but could you perhaps make room in your heart to hate some specific non-profits as well? Because — and we hate to be the ones to break it to you — non-profit organizations are just as capable of spending massive amounts of money on elections as are SuperPACs and Incorporated Americans, and they also can do it without disclosing donors, and without paying taxes. This, of course, begs several important questions! Such as: non-profits are tax exempt, so does this automatically mean they are the engines of economic growth and job creation, due to the fact that they pay no taxes? Also, given that these non-profits donate to (mostly conservative) political causes and (mostly Republican) candidates without reporting contributions, and are able to do so under the guise of engaging in “public welfare,” should we be concerned that Mitt Romney might accidentally become ensnared in a culture of dependency, which is what happens when you give people welfare? Read more on Karl Rove’s Charity Has Very Charitable Purpose Of Buying Election For Mitt Romney…
  this whole court is out of order!

Supreme Court Invites Our Corporate Masters To Come In And Stay A While

Good news everyone! Our benevolent corporate overlords are here to stay and it’s full steam ahead for the New American Plutocracy! USA! USA! USA! The Supreme Court on Monday turned away a plea to revisit its 2-year-old campaign finance decision in the Citizens United case and instead struck down a Montana law limiting corporate campaign spending. Rather than hearing the case to rethink Citizens United, as Justice Ginsburg had predicted, the court decided that our public discourse was enriched immeasurably from commentary from Foster Freiss and as a result, we will have to hear from people like him possibly forever. Since the court is not at all a partisan body, the decision was 5 -4: Read more on Supreme Court Invites Our Corporate Masters To Come In And Stay A While…
  wonkette law skool

Supreme Court Wusses Out On Sending Kids To Jail For Life, And More

The big decision we’ve all been waiting for is finally in: “The Supreme Court ruled Monday that it is unconstitutional for states to require juveniles convicted of murder to be sentenced to life in prison without possibility of parole.” DOWN WITH THE COURT. Then what’s the point of waking up in the morning, now? “Monday’s decision left open the possibility that judges could sentence juveniles to life without parole in individual cases of murder, but said state laws cannot automatically impose such a sentence.” So they’re saying there’s a chance. Phew. Other non-Obamacare law stuff that our nine gods wasted their time on today include (a) money and (b) Mexicans, in Arizona. Read more on Supreme Court Wusses Out On Sending Kids To Jail For Life, And More…
  people who are still alive

Mike Huckabee Declares War On Obama’s ‘Morally Repugnant Political Whores’

Each day is an adventure for Mike Huckabee. Some days he’s all happy and a-slappin’ the bass and whizzing off churchy jokes to his elderly fan base, other days he’s angry as a constipated cockatoo in search of the great release. (Other days he is a leading possibility for President of the United States of America, but hopefully those days are over.) What’s his fucking problem now? Something about “morally repugnant political whores,” one of the more redundant phrases out there. Read more on Mike Huckabee Declares War On Obama’s ‘Morally Repugnant Political Whores’…
  dirty filthy money

Wonkette Bookmaker: Will Supreme Court Overturn ‘Citizens United’ With ‘Citizens United First Blood Part 2’?

HOT NEWS, HOT NEWS! The Supreme Court is hearing a Montana case with direct bearing on its infamous decision in Citizens United, which may have done more to scar the Court’s reputation than anything besides Bush v. Play-Acting Dilettante. Their biggest detractor? “Straight-Talk” John McCain, just cold threatening the Supreme Court’s lives and such, with such terrrrrible thuggery as the following: “What the Supreme Court did is a combination of arrogance, naivete and stupidity the likes of which I have never seen,” McCain said. “I promise you, there will be huge scandals because there’s too much money washing around, too much of it we don’t know who’s behind it and too much corruption associated with that kind of money.” Will someone fetch our smelling salts? We are fairly sure that kind of potty talk is not allowed around the great and inerrant Court. Read more on Wonkette Bookmaker: Will Supreme Court Overturn ‘Citizens United’ With ‘Citizens United First Blood Part 2’?…
  the know-nothings

Herman Cain Also Horrible For Taking Tons of Illegal Campaign Cash

Sorry, friends, the Internet is cold binging on reports of Herman Cain’s rank corrupt awfulness today, including this one that probably would have been higher up the list if it weren’t for the fact that it lacks TEH SEXXX but is no less terrible: Herman Cain’s cancer shilling goon squad captain Mark Block started a short-lived shell corporation “Prosperity USA” to funnel $40,000 to Cain’s campaign early this year for fancy pants iPads and private jet trips, which the campaign then promptly “forgot” to report to the FEC, because it’s crazy illegal. Given how monumentally difficult it is to violate post-Citizens United federal election laws permitting unlimited corporate donations these days, it’s pretty top-notch stupidity! Read more on Herman Cain Also Horrible For Taking Tons of Illegal Campaign Cash…
  it's morning in america

They’re the Original Odd Couple!

Why does Barack Obama refuse to cultivate a warm, tender relationship with George W. Bush? Is it because Bush is the jackass who is largely responsible for all the problems that are making Obama’s life so miserable? Or is it because Obama is a mean old sourpuss, and racist against Texans as well? The second one, probably. Did you notice that Barack Obama didn’t even bother to thank Bush for starting the Iraq War the other day, when Obama went on TV to announce that we’d won it? That’s not gratitude. Read more on They’re the Original Odd Couple!… Read more on They’re the Original Odd Couple!…
  actual awful news

ROBERTS SUPREME COURT CONTINUES TO LOOK OUT FOR LITTLE MAN: The Supreme Court finally released its much delayed verdict in this stupid case about some Hillary Clinton documentary airing on teevee, and, as experts expected, used it as its latest front to give corporations even greater power and influence over our Failed State: “WASHINGTON — Sweeping aside a century-old understanding and overruling two important precedents, a bitterly divided Supreme Court on Thursday ruled that the government may not ban political spending by corporations in candidate elections.” Ugh. “Corporate personhood” has made a sick fucking joke out of the First Amendment. Fix this, Scott Brown! [NYT] Read more on …
 

“Hillary The Movie” Probably Not Coming to a Theatre Near You

The makers of Hillary the Movie, a conservative advocacy group called Citizens United, failed today in their efforts to convince a panel of three federal judges to allow them to advertise their hit-job movie during primary season or in the sixty days prior to the general election. According to the judges, the trailers constitute political speech that runs afoul of campaign finance laws. While the filmmakers fully admit that it’s more or less intended to tell their version of the “truth” about Hillary because they don’t want to see her elected, it’s noteworthy to point out that the Federal Election Commission would’ve pursued a similar case against Michael Moore’s Farenheit 9/11 (brought by Citizens United) if he’d intended to advertise it during election season in 2004. So, it’s sort of a good news/bad news kind of scenario: they can’t say what they want, but neither can liberals. [Yahoo News] Read more on “Hillary The Movie” Probably Not Coming to a Theatre Near You…
 

It’s Not That Kind of Political, They Swear

Citizens United, a right-wing political group dedicated to such things as the “rejection of one-world government” and enacting “key elements of President Bush’s conservative legislative and policy agenda” has a movie about Hillary. It’s totally a movie, people, not a political ad or anything. Just because it’s coming out in the midst of primary season and smears Hillary doesn’t mean it’s tantamount to political advertising, they swear! Read more on It’s Not That Kind of Political, They Swear…