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There Will Be Blood: Oklahoma Democrats Will Fight Where They Stand

Oklahoma yellow dogs: Joe Biden, left, and Jerry Brown. Some time during the candidate talent show – an actual talent show, featuring statewide Democrats running for office in blood-red Oklahoma, with the winner chosen by applause for a prize of a $100 donation and one precious hour of old Oklahoma ladies phone banking, courtesy of the Pottawatomie County Dems — I slid from the Tecumseh City Hall auditorium to its little kitchen to get started on the dishes. There were 120 dirty plates, with cutlery and coffee cups. My mother, current chair of the Pott County Democrats, had uncharacteristically permitted plastic cups for water, soda, and sweet tea. I threw them out before she could wander in and start worrying whether we shouldn’t wash and save those too. Environmentalism has its limits. For weeks my mother was absolutely convinced no one would come to the Dems’ big fundraiser for the year, the St. Patrick’s Day commiethon (not really a commiethon). It was raining pretty hard, and the power was out in parts of Tecumseh, or maybe Shawnee. “Don’t worry mama,” I chirped at her annoyingly. “Now they’ll definitely come, because they can’t watch TV!” They had. Every seat was taken – 120 of them — and every plate crusted with the sauce from piles of delicious beef stew prepared by a local woman who raised her own cattle. The lady had donated a few ribeyes for the silent auction as well. My mother was looking at a full house, and piles of money for the Democratic Club it would take us the whole next morning to count. The Pottawatomie County Democrats’ St. Patrick’s Day fundraiser was a smashing success. I was washing all the dishes because I didn’t want my mother’s friends to think she’d raised a daughter – in California, where I doubtless live with my common-law husband, Osama Bin Laden — who saw a pile of dishes and blithely ignored them. Mostly though I’d sneaked off to wash the dishes because one of the candidates – a collection of the kind of human odds and ends who will run for office as Democrats in Oklahoma — was in the middle of a very sub-Al Yankovich spoof of “Where in the World Is Carmen Sandiego.” It lasted, literally, 25 minutes. As you can imagine, it was “not” “good.” Other than that, the talent show was pretty outstanding. A candidate for James Lankford’s 5th Congressional District seat played “Fur Elise” on someone’s Casio keyboard, after speaking haltingly of the adoptive parents who had brought him home and loved him forever after his mother abandoned him as a preteen boy. I cried. There were poems, and songs, and dramatic readings, and beef stew. For her talent, state Senator Connie Johnson, running for US Senate against James Lankford, declaimed Maya Angelou’s “Phenomenal Woman.” In the back of the auditorium, we – I and a small group of my mom’s groovy liberal hippie (but now very put-together and blonded) ‘60s friends – hooted and yelled after she’d finished talking about the stride of her step, and the curve of her lip, and something something about her breasts and her hips. From the stage, though, Senator Johnson must have seen some old faces that weren’t beaming like ours were. From the stage, some of those old people looked mad. And horrified. Disgusted, even. After all, she did say “breast.” Fucking Oklahoma. Read more on There Will Be Blood: Oklahoma Democrats Will Fight Where They Stand…
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Eric Cantor, Rest Of Cavalry, Put Hammer Down On Injuns Prosecuting White Men For Beating Their Squaws

America has called, and Eric Cantor has answered. He and his compatriots in the GOP Cavalry will block the reauthorization of the Violence Against Women Act (stilllllll) until one little bit of total nonsense, which nobody would miss, is removed. So which of the LIEBERALS’ poison pills is holding up VAWA? Is it the stuff about making it easier for immigrants to testify against abusive citizen-husbands? Is it the part where lesbians are treated as if they are human beings, in human relationships? You would think so, but it is not! Nope, it’s just a small piece of legislative terror whereby Native Americans would be able to prosecute white men (WHITE MEN!!!) for domestic abuse on tribal lands. FUCK THAT NOISE! Read more on Eric Cantor, Rest Of Cavalry, Put Hammer Down On Injuns Prosecuting White Men For Beating Their Squaws…