Tag Archives: Cindy Jacobs

  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Meet The Prophet Lady From Bobby Jindal’s Prayer-A-Palooza

Can you say for sure that Don't Ask Don't Tell *didn't* cause freak bird deaths in Arkansas?
Rachel Maddow Show led off Friday’s show with an unforgettable look at Cindy Jacobs, the self-proclaimed Texas prophet who God regularly warns about any number of tragedies — mass shootings, political coups, and so on — which she then prevents or at least reduces the severity of through the power of prayer. Wonkette readers may recall that Ms. Jacobs successfully headed off an assassination attempt against Ronald Reagan (it was just a different one from Hinkley’s), because her son had a tummyache. She was only the most flamboyant of several wingnutty faith healers and snake handlers (OK, not literally) headlining Bobby Jindal’s Great Big Prayer rally in Louisiana this weekend; the event was a pretty direct retread of a similar rally held by Rick Perry four years ago, and the early versions of its publicity materials even referred to “recent” events like Hurricane Katrina. Read more on Morning Maddow: Meet The Prophet Lady From Bobby Jindal’s Prayer-A-Palooza…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Thanks For Keeping America Free, Ted Nugent!

It’s a special 5th of July Derp Roundup, bringing you all the Red White and Blue idiocy we could scrape off our browser tabs. Please consume responsibly, and we hope that your pets are finally recovering from the barrage. Read more on Derp Roundup: Thanks For Keeping America Free, Ted Nugent!…
  why is the world in love again? why are we marching hand in hand?

Oklahoma Preacher Accidentally Flooded Four States When He Cast Out All Those Demons

Pastor John Benefiel of Oklahoma City’s “Church on the Rock” revealed, in a webcast with Mike and Cindy Jacobs, that he and another pastor, Chuck Pierce, prayed so hard and cast out so many demons in 2007 that they completely broke the demon Baal’s hold over Oklahoma, Texas, Kansas, and Missouri, and as a sign of their success, the four states experienced record flooding. See, in 2006, Pierce had prophesized that the Holy Spirit would make the rivers rise, even though the region was in the midst of a drought. And then in 2007, Benefiel declared a “Baal divorce decree” that freed the area from the demon’s control! “There was no rain in sight, no rain forecast at all,” he said. “But literally the day after we first used this Baal divorce decree in 2007 — we declared it in a meeting together — the rains came. And we ended up having more rain between February and June of 2007 than any other 12 month period in history.” By golly, if that isn’t proof of a miracle, then Yr Doktor Zoom will eat this here turkey sandwich he just made, and will wash it down with a Coke Zero, tell you what. Read more on Oklahoma Preacher Accidentally Flooded Four States When He Cast Out All Those Demons…
  now it can be told

Nice Lady Prophet Explains How Her 6-Year-Old’s Tummy Ache Stopped God From Assassinating Ronald Reagan

Right here is some actual evidence of the power of prayer, so all you atheists just shut up. Cindy Jacobs, a self-proclaimed “respected prophet” who a few years ago repented for all the lesbians and their “girl-on-girl kissing,” told a true tale of the time that her very own son, 6 at the time, saved a president’s life by praying for him! (Not the current president. There are other prayers for him.) Read more on Nice Lady Prophet Explains How Her 6-Year-Old’s Tummy Ache Stopped God From Assassinating Ronald Reagan…
  the homosexuals!

Jeebus Lady Cindy Jacobs Repents For All Lesbians, Cleanses Craigslist

Your Wonkette reporter of The Homosexuals is back bearing good news, or as they like to call it in church, “a new gospel”: All of the world’s lesbians have been fully repented for! This happened last week, in Sacramento, at a big Jesus party thrown by My Boyfriend Lou Engle. Though he has failed utterly in his mission from God to save San Francisco from Chadd, the three-story-tall homosexual Jesus giant, Lou called in a crazy Jeebus lady named Cindy Jacobs to take care of all the lesbians, and oh boy, did she ever! Read more on Jeebus Lady Cindy Jacobs Repents For All Lesbians, Cleanses Craigslist…