Tag Archives: cigarettes

  Dun fell off the wagon

Nine Things President Obama Might Be Holding Besides This Dirty Pack Of Cigarettes

Bad president bad!
OH NO, President Obama is back behind the high school gym again, smoking all the cigarettes and rolling his eyes, maybe and allegedly! Cigarettes are a well-known slippery slope to getting potted up on weed and socializing America. Obama was caught on camera chattin’ up Italian Prime Minister Matteo Renzi at the G7 Summit in Germany, and he certainly appears to be holding a pack of cigarettes, doing that gesture where he’s flipping open a pack to pull one out and light up. But is he really doing that? Hard to tell! Because yr Wonkette likes to think the best of people and doesn’t like to jump to conclusions, what else might he be holding in his nicotine-stained hands? Read more on Nine Things President Obama Might Be Holding Besides This Dirty Pack Of Cigarettes…
  When I Dip You Dip We Dip

Massachusetts Patriots To Local Health Board: Smoke Free Or Die

Have you guys heard of New Hampshire?
Central Massachusetts is Charlie Pierce‘s beat — he grew up there, whereas Yr Wonket lived in the Commonwealth for a mere decade — so if Pierce picks this story up, be sure to read him. With that said, we have spent more than our fair share of time among the small towns north of Worcester, so when the Boston Globe reported on a contentious public meeting in the town of Westminster, the chaaaming, non-rhotic speech of New England rang in our mind’s ear. Read more on Massachusetts Patriots To Local Health Board: Smoke Free Or Die…
  Can Willie Be Our Weed Sensei Too?

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Maureen Dowd Gets Pot Lessons From Willie Nelson Edition

This child can't stand Maureen Dowd either
With no single national calamity to focus on this week, the Sunday New York Times brings us mélange of Big Journalism on Important Topics, the general drift of which leads us to wish we’d stayed in bed. For starters, there’s another must-read piece by Elizabeth Rosenthal, whose specialty is digging into just why the American medical system manages to be the world’s most expensive even though it doesn’t actually cover everyone. No, not even under Obamacare, imagine that. This time out, Rosenthal looks at the phenomenon of surprise extra fees in hospital bills, which can come from seemingly anywhere. As reimbursement rates from both Medicare and private insurance have been cut, hospitals have been bringing in high-priced, out-of-network specialists to help with tasks that often used to be done by residents or other hospital employees. Take, for instance, Rosenthal’s lead example of Peter Drier, a guy who had back surgery that he thought he’d planned for financially, but which resulted in bills from both the surgeon he knew would do the operation (and who readily accepted Drier’s insurance reimbursement, about $6,200), and an “assistant surgeon” who charged just under $117,000 and would not negotiate on the cost: Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Maureen Dowd Gets Pot Lessons From Willie Nelson Edition…
  what is 'legal'?

Barack Obama Said A Mean Thing About Tobacco, So Now Fox News Wants Everyone To Smoke

The giant drugstore chain CVS announced it will no longer be selling cigarettes, and Barack Obama said a thing, like, “that’s nice. Health,” or something, we don’t know, it was pretty anodyne. Did Fox News run every picture of Barack Obama smoking it could find and then bleat and guffaw about haw haw hypocrite? It did not, because that would have been an attack that made sense. First up was Gretchen Carlson — you know, the smart one. She put on her confused squirrel face to ask the question, is it even legal for CVS to stop selling cigarettes? Like, is it? (Hint, Gretchen: In Obama’s Amerikkka, they can force you to abort your gay marriage butt babby, but they still can’t force you to not stop selling cigarettes.) Read more on Barack Obama Said A Mean Thing About Tobacco, So Now Fox News Wants Everyone To Smoke…
  they're called cowboy killers because they're healthy

Daily Caller Comes Roaring Into 1950s, Starts Reviewing Cigarettes

The Daily Caller’s editorial ethos is growing clearer by the day. They are distrustful of black teenagers and loose women, for starters, and this weekend they also covered how hot it is when women ski in bikinis and which whiskies to buy that will “impress the hell out of the boozehound in your life.” Basically, The Daily Caller is Red Forman from That ’70s Show. And, if you had any doubts about that particular corner of the conservative nonsensphere, they’ve made it even easier to see that they are a group longing for a time gone by three times over: They are now offering reviews of cigarettes. Read more on Daily Caller Comes Roaring Into 1950s, Starts Reviewing Cigarettes…
  still morally weak

Top Ten New Obama Habits Since He ‘Quit Smoking Last Year’

It’s a pretty slow news year so far, so it’s time to check in with First Lady Michelle Obama to find out if her husband is still sneaking cigarettes in that closet where Bill Clinton used to bang interns and Cheney planned 9/11. (The White House is gross!) Reporters gathered at the White House for a fancy lunch with Michelle, because why not, it’s a fancy time! And they asked her, obviously, if Barry managed to actually quit smoking for reals, and she said, “Yes, he has. It’s been almost a year.” And then she said, “I’m very proud of him,” like he’s eleven or something. But what other bad habits has the president picked up since putting down the cigarettes? 10. Feeds this rat (“Ratty”) he sometimes sees in the White House kitchen, even though the chef is all, “Do not feed the rats are you crazy, we are trying to kill the rats, what is wrong with you?” 9. Leaves socks on floor. 8. Eats so much peanuts. Read more on Top Ten New Obama Habits Since He ‘Quit Smoking Last Year’…
  smoke smoke smoke that cigarette

Obama’s Inability To Quit Smoking Proves He’s Morally Weak

Ronald Reagan could do it. Even George W. Bush could do it. But Barack Obama — a 49-year-old multi-millionaire adult with two impressionable children and a somewhat high-profile public life — cannot stop smoking cigarettes. If Obama’s inability to stand up for anything he apparently (?) ever believed is still a mystery to the Americans who enthusiastically supported him a couple of years ago, the answer might be found in whatever broom closet or spot behind the hedges where the American President crouches over his not-very-secret cigarette. Read more on Obama’s Inability To Quit Smoking Proves He’s Morally Weak…
  looks like america

FDA’s Cigarette Package Plan To Feature Cool Death Images

Cigarettes are going to cease to exist forever because the FDA has unveiled new, scarier anti-smoking warnings that will cover 50% of the front of cigarette packaging. But because these warning pictures were made by bureaucrats, they’re not actually that scary. Where’s the photo of a cigarette chopping a guy’s dick in half? C’mon, government. Anyway, as Wonkette operative “G B” notes, they did see fit to include a heart-attack Dick Cheney in this series, seen at left. So the message they’re trying to promote is you can have all the heart attacks you want and still live forever if you make a Faustian bargain to kill lots of Iraqi children for no reason at all? Read more on FDA’s Cigarette Package Plan To Feature Cool Death Images…
  rumors on the internets

Science: ‘Massaging Your Scalp With Cigarette Ash’ Might Be Ill-Advised

Aww, Jim Inhofe’s grandchildren built Al Gore a spacious snow cavern to live in! How did they know Al’s fursona was a “homeless but sensitive polar bear?” [Think Progress] Looks like it’s going to be another lonely, miserable Valentine’s Day, huh? Hey, why not fingerbang a heavily-discounted Newt Gingrich paperback from the NRO bookstore instead? Ships with a bottle of Newt’s famous pheromone cologne so you can set the mood! [The Corner] Read more on Science: ‘Massaging Your Scalp With Cigarette Ash’ Might Be Ill-Advised…
  eat my shorts

Oh And Did We Mention How Hilarious John McCain’s ‘Wisecrack’ Was?

Ha ha ha, John McCain made an ungodly horrific “joke” yesterday that you’ve probably already noticed. When a reporter asked him about an increase in American cigarette exports to Iran, phunny humorist McCain responded, “Maybe that’s a way of killing them.” It’s amazing because this Very Dark Humor implies that killing innocent civilians is the specific strategy of the United States government re: Iran. Well duh! But still, check out how John McCain’s friends in the Associated Press treated this astonishing gaffe in the write-up: “Cindy McCain’s jab to her husband’s back came a second too late Tuesday to keep him from making a wisecrack about the health impact of Iran’s main import from the United States: cigarettes.” Ooooh golly, that pair, always with the loving give-and-take. He makes his silly wisecracks, she tells him to sit on it! We’re glad that the playful dynamics of their marriage is what we took away from this story. [AP, TPM] Read more on Oh And Did We Mention How Hilarious John McCain’s ‘Wisecrack’ Was?…
 

Barack Obama Back To Smoking His Face Off

There is a terrible “wagon” in politics that people ride when they don’t want to have fun anymore. When you are on this wagon, you do not smoke or drink or do amphetamines or masturbate. It appears that Barack Obama, having ridden in the non-smoking section of this wagon, has fallen off it, and now he is a secret Cigarette Goblin again. Except because he is famous, and running for president, this is not a secret to anyone. Read more on Barack Obama Back To Smoking His Face Off…
 

Doctor’s Report: Obama ‘Lean And Muscular’ With ‘Minor Skin Rashes’

Last week, John McCain released a medical dossier longer than Moby Dick that lingered in gruesome detail over his many benign polyps and lesions. This week, Barack Obama’s doctor revealed that in spite of a youth spent snorting powdery mounds of blow, the candidate is hale, hearty, and possessed of an enviably low triglyceride count. Find out more about Your Barry’s hot bod after the jump. Read more on Doctor’s Report: Obama ‘Lean And Muscular’ With ‘Minor Skin Rashes’…
 

Obama To Die Of Stroke If President

No one likes a good nic-fix as much as Barack Obama, who quit smoking in order to run for president but “fell off the wagon” a few times every day since. Now since everyone’s talking about how John McCain, 71, is likely to die of Old Cancer when he becomes president, why aren’t they mentioning that Obama will die of Smoke when he is president? Read more on Obama To Die Of Stroke If President…
 

Obama’s Smoking Ruins Special Bond With Jake Tapper

ABC News Senior National Correspondent Jake Tapper was on to Barack Obama’s resurgent smoking habit months ago, but the Obama campaign covered for the ever-more-desperate candidate as he wove a web of deception that eventually ensnared the nation in cancer and betrayal. Way back in August Obama was wandering around the Capitol reeking of smoke, and what did Obama’s people say when Concerned Jake asked about it? Read more on Obama’s Smoking Ruins Special Bond With Jake Tapper…
 

Barack Obama Has Smoked Some More Cigarettes!

Tonight we’ve got BREAKING news that St. Barack of Obama “fell off the wagon a few times” since he quit the cigarettes a year ago. This means he still has some “regular human” genes and that Hillary is sure to announce that she has started smoking weed again, at 3 a.m. Read more on Barack Obama Has Smoked Some More Cigarettes!…