Wonkette

Ha ha ha, John McCain made an ungodly horrific “joke” yesterday that you’ve probably already noticed. When a reporter asked him about an increase in American cigarette exports to Iran, phunny humorist McCain responded, “Maybe that’s a way of killing them.” It’s amazing because this Very Dark Humor implies that killing innocent civilians is the specific strategy of the United States government re: Iran. Well duh! But still, check out how John McCain’s friends in the Associated Press treated this astonishing gaffe in the write-up: “Cindy McCain’s jab to her husband’s back came a second too late Tuesday to keep him from making a wisecrack about the health impact of Iran’s main import from the United States: cigarettes.” Ooooh golly, that pair, always with the loving give-and-take. He makes his silly wisecracks, she tells him to sit on it! We’re glad that the playful dynamics of their marriage is what we took away from this story. [AP, TPM]

There is a terrible “wagon” in politics that people ride when they don’t want to have fun anymore. When you are on this wagon, you do not smoke or drink or do amphetamines or masturbate. It appears that Barack Obama, having ridden in the non-smoking section of this wagon, has fallen off it, and now he is a secret Cigarette Goblin again. Except because he is famous, and running for president, this is not a secret to anyone. MORE »

Last week, John McCain released a medical dossier longer than Moby Dick that lingered in gruesome detail over his many benign polyps and lesions. This week, Barack Obama’s doctor revealed that in spite of a youth spent snorting powdery mounds of blow, the candidate is hale, hearty, and possessed of an enviably low triglyceride count. Find out more about Your Barry’s hot bod after the jump. MORE »

No one likes a good nic-fix as much as Barack Obama, who quit smoking in order to run for president but “fell off the wagon” a few times every day since. Now since everyone’s talking about how John McCain, 71, is likely to die of Old Cancer when he becomes president, why aren’t they mentioning that Obama will die of Smoke when he is president? MORE »

ABC News Senior National Correspondent Jake Tapper was on to Barack Obama’s resurgent smoking habit months ago, but the Obama campaign covered for the ever-more-desperate candidate as he wove a web of deception that eventually ensnared the nation in cancer and betrayal. Way back in August Obama was wandering around the Capitol reeking of smoke, and what did Obama’s people say when Concerned Jake asked about it? MORE »

Tonight we’ve got BREAKING news that St. Barack of Obama “fell off the wagon a few times” since he quit the cigarettes a year ago. This means he still has some “regular human” genes and that Hillary is sure to announce that she has started smoking weed again, at 3 a.m. MORE »

This is the worst PSA ever — now we really want to light up and invade Iraq again. [Copyranter]

Doesn’t this seem a little insensitive for ABC? MORE »

• Iraq war to be central issue in November, “it’s the other guy’s fault” speeches to intensify over next two months. [WP, NYT]

• Ohio preserving paper ballots from 2004 presidential election to “study irregularities.” [NYT]
• California to have strongest limits on greenhouse gasses in nation, and initiate “a 25 percent reduction in carbon dioxide emissions by 2020.” [NYT, LAT, W$J]
• New Pentagon report reveals soldiers’ financial problems, use of predatory loan services. [USAT]
• Iran set to ignore today’s nuclear fuel production deadline, US set to push sanctions through UN. [NYT]
• Amount of nicotine in cigarettes up as much as 36% between 1998 and 2004, no word from cigarette companies on how that happened. [WP]
• Egyptian novelist and Nobel prize winner Naguib Mahfouz died yesterday at the age of 94. [WP]

Our call for pictures of John Boehner smoking has garnered exactly one response, seen directly to the left. MORE »

We know, we know. New Republican Majority Leader John Boehner is “perpetually tan.” A Hill staffer told us a story about the Boehn on one of those (perfectly ethical!) paid junkets to some far-off socialist European land, in which the charming natives repeatedly asked him if he’d been spending time on the beach. The Boehn explained that Ohio isn’t really known for its lovely shoreline, and explained no more. But enough with his leathery exterior and piercing blue eyes — we’re most intrigued by his less photogenic proclivities. Specifically, his oft-referenced but seldom-seen smoking habit. Said staffer said (there’s a fun phrase) Boehner can scarcely wait to leave House chambers before he sucks down a pack — so why aren’t there any damn pictures? We may just be longing for the days of ashtrays on the Tonight Show, but it seems a bit odd that journos describe the man’s “ever-present” cig and don’t provide the visual evidence. MORE »