cigarettes

The giant drugstore chain CVS announced it will no longer be selling cigarettes, and Barack Obama said a thing, like, “that’s nice. Health,” or something, we don’t know, it was pretty anodyne. Did Fox News run every picture of Barack Obama smoking it could find and then bleat and guffaw about haw haw hypocrite? It […]

The Daily Caller’s editorial ethos is growing clearer by the day. They are distrustful of black teenagers and loose women, for starters, and this weekend they also covered how hot it is when women ski in bikinis and which whiskies to buy that will “impress the hell out of the boozehound in your life.” Basically, […]

It’s a pretty slow news year so far, so it’s time to check in with First Lady Michelle Obama to find out if her husband is still sneaking cigarettes in that closet where Bill Clinton used to bang interns and Cheney planned 9/11. (The White House is gross!) Reporters gathered at the White House for […]

Ronald Reagan could do it. Even George W. Bush could do it. But Barack Obama — a 49-year-old multi-millionaire adult with two impressionable children and a somewhat high-profile public life — cannot stop smoking cigarettes. If Obama’s inability to stand up for anything he apparently (?) ever believed is still a mystery to the Americans […]

Cigarettes are going to cease to exist forever because the FDA has unveiled new, scarier anti-smoking warnings that will cover 50% of the front of cigarette packaging. But because these warning pictures were made by bureaucrats, they’re not actually that scary. Where’s the photo of a cigarette chopping a guy’s dick in half? C’mon, government. […]

Why did David Paterson try to force Native American peoples to pay lots of extra taxes just for selling delicious cigarettes to the white man? Sounds sort of racist and illegal! federal judge temporarily blocked Governor Paterson’s plans to drum up an additional $200 million in state revenue by forcing Native American tribes to pay […]

Aww, Jim Inhofe’s grandchildren built Al Gore a spacious snow cavern to live in! How did they know Al’s fursona was a “homeless but sensitive polar bear?” [Think Progress] Looks like it’s going to be another lonely, miserable Valentine’s Day, huh? Hey, why not fingerbang a heavily-discounted Newt Gingrich paperback from the NRO bookstore instead? […]

Ha ha ha, John McCain made an ungodly horrific “joke” yesterday that you’ve probably already noticed. When a reporter asked him about an increase in American cigarette exports to Iran, phunny humorist McCain responded, “Maybe that’s a way of killing them.” It’s amazing because this Very Dark Humor implies that killing innocent civilians is the […]

There is a terrible “wagon” in politics that people ride when they don’t want to have fun anymore. When you are on this wagon, you do not smoke or drink or do amphetamines or masturbate. It appears that Barack Obama, having ridden in the non-smoking section of this wagon, has fallen off it, and now […]

Last week, John McCain released a medical dossier longer than Moby Dick that lingered in gruesome detail over his many benign polyps and lesions. This week, Barack Obama’s doctor revealed that in spite of a youth spent snorting powdery mounds of blow, the candidate is hale, hearty, and possessed of an enviably low triglyceride count. […]

9/11  4:34 pm September 17, 2007

by Alex Pareene

PETER JENNINGS  12:30 pm November 6, 2006

Also, a Little Gay

by Alex Pareene