WASHINGTON, DC, 03:27 PM, MON NOVEMBER 23 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS

Posts Tagged ‘CIA’

NANCY PELOSI'S HENCHMAN WILL KILL YOU WITH HIS HAT

Check Out Sexy New James Bond RNC Ad!

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009

Hey look they finally hired somebody who has some sort of vestigial sense of humor, and who has seen a movie in the last 40 years! Extra points for the closing shot, which cleverly suggests that Democrats = Pussy. Chew on this while your editor finds some coffee. [YouTube]


IDIOTS

Mike Huckabee Writes Poem About How He Wants Nancy Pelosi To Resign

Monday, May 18th, 2009

Last great American whale.Hmm, what are the Republicans acting outraged about today? The usual — Obama offended the Hunchback of Notre Dame, Biden said something about his basement, Nancy Pelosi is a California lady who has an important job, etc. There are probably Twitters on all these important subjects! But, as the Twitter fad seems to be fading faster than the new Tom Hanks movie about terrible airport paperbacks, the GOP’s hundred warring factions need a new way to scare off the rest of America. Hmm, what’s something that’s destined for failure even when the pros do it? Poetry! MORE »


FOR MORE ANALYSIS READ TWITTER

Friday, May 15th, 2009

CIA DIRECTOR TELLS PELOSI, C’MON, STFU: Nancy Pelosi accused the CIA yesterday of lying over what it claims to have told Senate leaders in a 2002 briefing on “enhanced interrogation techniques,” and today the CIA Director, arbitrary Bill Clinton political operative Leon Panetta, responded that no, the CIA did not lie. There is a MAJOR SCANDAL here: various high-profile political figures are making efforts to defend either themselves or their institutions! [NYT]


RESPECTFUL DISAGREEMENTS

Newt Gingrich Declares War On Nancy Pelosi

Friday, May 15th, 2009

WAR FOREVERAs this whole, “Who loved torture the most, the liberal leather queen Nancy Pelosi or the sadistic dungeon-masters at the CIA?” debate rages, we know we’re getting closer to the truth because both sides say the other is lying. And now this fellow “Newt,” who will not sue Twitter, will instead pick a fight with Nancy Pelosi because that is a fine way of keeping this very sensitive issue nonpartisan. MORE »


FIRE THEM ALL

Pelosi, CIA Should Have One Of Those Twitter Fights, Loser Goes To Jail

Thursday, May 14th, 2009

Nancy Pelosi reiterated during a press conference this morning that when she received a CIA briefing on “enhanced interrogations techniques” in the fall of 2002, she was not told about waterboarding, but she was told that everything else they were doing was LEGAL, backed by LEGAL OPINIONS. This contradicts a CIA memo released last week showing that Pelosi knew about waterboarding and loved it so much. Pelosi and the CIA are each calling each other terrible liars. They’re both right! MORE »


DON'T YOU GET IT?

Brilliant WaPo Column: CIA Tortured Terrorists To *Help* Them, With Their Religion

Tuesday, April 21st, 2009

Thank you for helping me!Former “Bushie” chief speechwriter Marc Thiessen has written another opinion piece in this morning’s Washington Post and, like most WP columns, it is terrible. But lopsidedly so! It starts on the standard torture defense notes — if torture was effective sometimes then how do you deal with THAT, libtards? Would you rather be dead? — but then just has to go a bit further: apparently the CIA knows very much about the Muslim religion, and it turns out that they, the Muslims, want to be tortured, and the interrogators are just trying to help them on their spiritual quest. MORE »


WHO WILL WATCH THE WATCHERS?

CIA Crawling With Sex Creeps

Friday, March 20th, 2009

Officer trainingWell, who knew. We thought that spies spent all their time smuggling secret messages in their butts and wearing goofy disguises, but it appears they also devote many hours of their workday to supporting their mistresses and date-raping Algerians. MORE »


PARTY CRASHES

Libtards Host Fancy Obama Art Party With NO FOOD WHATSOEVER

Tuesday, January 20th, 2009

So the absolute most worthless people on this rotten planet are liberals, filthy rat-sucking liberals, particularly limousine liberals from liberal Hollywood and their east coast enablers, the Non-Profit Outreach Directors. They get together for these Red Bull-fueled art parties on either coast a couple of times a year to literally masturbate to themselves. They have NO FOOD at their parties because they are all gay, and anorexic. We went to one of these parties last night, and just you wait for this blush of libtardation: “The MoveOn.org, SEIU, Obey Giant Manifest Hope DC Party.” It was actually pretty cool and we don’t mean any of the nasty things we just wrote. (But seriously, no food.) Sexy picture time! MORE »


RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

Exciting New Obama Hires In The Fields Of Torture And Photography

Monday, January 5th, 2009
  • No Clinton Staffer Left Behind: Obama has named Leon Panetta as the new director of the CIA. [The Caucus]
  • Yesterday Bush’s cat, India, died. It was savagely murdered by Warren Hastings. [CNN Political Ticker]
  • Obama has hired Pete Souza as Official White House Photographer. “You Guys Can Tag Yourselves Later” will be Souza’s first collection of photos from the Obama White House. [Ben Smith]
  • China is blaming its half-Internet full of weird Chinese porn on Google. [HuffPost]
  • Today Obamas Malia and Sasha start their first day of Harvard Law. [Politico]

PISSING OFF THE LIBERALS

Obama Picks Navy Admiral As Spy Chief, Considers ‘Domestic Intelligence Agency’

Friday, December 19th, 2008

Blacks spying on Whites!Let’s see, Robert Gates stays at the Pentagon, dope stays illegal, Rick Warren gives a national lecture against gays … what else does your Liberal Unicorn have in store for you dupes? Ah, a new spy chief, retired Adm. Dennis C. Blair. The career spies are furious, because Blair’s a military guy, and liberal spies like to keep those things separate. Oh and guess what Obama is “considering” for your domestic country, America? MORE »


WAR FOREVER

Monday, October 27th, 2008
  • WE ARE STILL BOMBING PAKISTAN ALL THE TIME: Sure Syria was big news this weekend, but did you know that US-led forces or CIA drones have been involved in 12 air strikes in Pakistan in the last 10 weeks? The Pakistani president does not care for this one bit. [ABC News (the Australian one)]