Tag: CIA

Vermont Utility Wasn’t Hacked By Russia After All. Also, Stop Worrying About Endangered Feces.

Why is everyone so upset about the plight of Soviet jewelry?

Donald Trump To Reveal True Identity Of 400-Pound Hacker This Week

Donald Trump will soon reveal the real hacker was Professor Plum, in the library, with a MacBook.

Congratulations, Mitch McConnell, You’re Wonkette’s Legislative Sh*tmuffin For 2016!

The award nobody wants goes to a man nobody likes.

Donald Trump Very Busy Man, Does Not Have Time For Silly Press Conferences!

If you had a schedule this busy, you would cancel press conferences about your conflicts of interest too!

Kellyanne Conway Wishes CIA Would Stop Whining About Russian Hacking

STFU, Kellyanne Conway.

Electoral College Members Just Curious How Far Up Trump’s Ass Russia Really Is

Ooh, things are getting interesting!

Carly Fiorina Might Make A Great Director Of National Intelligence To Keep Us Safe From Demon Sheep

Carly Fiorina will make up the best possible intelligence America could ever want.

John Bolton’s Mustache Bristling At Barack Obama For Hacking The DNC And Blaming It On Russia

John Bolton thinks we shouldn't hastily assume the Russians hacked U.S. elections, so he hastily assumed Barack Obama is lying.
But down at the bottom we, too, should have rights

Mitch McConnell Back-Pedaling On Russia Hack, But Slowly Because Of How He Has Turtle Legs

Mitch McConnell knows who is to blame for Russia hacking the Democrats. Would you guess ... BARACK OBAMA?
Couldn't handle any more intelligence than he has now

Donald Trump’s Gigantic Brain Doesn’t Need Intelligence

Donald Trump doesn't need intelligence briefings, since it's all just the same blah blah blah all the time, and he has rallies to hold.

Donald Trump Wants To Know Why This Silly ‘Russian Hacking’ Wasn’t Brought Up Before Election

Donald Trump wants to know why nobody brought up Russian hackers before the election. Asked and answered!
Any story combining 'Trump' and 'intelligence' makes us nervous

Team Trump Conclusively Addresses Russian Hacking Shocker: We Rule, CIA Drools

Nothing to see here, move along please, Make America Great Again.

The Twitter Donald Trump Sees Is The Best Twitter, So Luxurious, Just Tremendous

What Donald Trump sees when he gets on Twitter is ... uh ... we can't even.

Donald Trump Skips Security Briefings, Gets Intel From InfoWars, Broadcasts In Teeth

Intelligence is overrated. If we wanted a smart president, more of us would have voted for Clinton.

Team Of Evils: Trump CIA Pick Mike Pompeo Also Complete Dick

BENGHAZI!!!!!!!!111!!!