Tag: CIA

Is Obama Activating Million-Beyoncé Army To Make Him Dictator For Life? PROBABLY!

It's so obvious, how did we never see this before?
Bernie, you're such a cuck now

Donald Trump To Start Getting CIA Security Briefings. That Should Be Fun!

Donald Trump would never say every idiot thing he is thinking, after all. Nothing could go wrong!
Watch where you point that thing, bub

Alex Jones Auditions To Be Trump’s White House Press Secretary With Very Sane Revolution Rant

Alex Jones is kind of a sore winner. After his boy Donald Trump won the Indiana primary Tuesday night and Ted Cruz dropped out of the campaign, Jones posted a rambling shouty video -- and we mean rambling, even...
At least he spells good

New Poll Shows Americans Are Total Idiots, Part Zillionteen

It's always fun slash super depressing to check in on what U.S. Americans "think" about "stuff." Sometimes they have good thoughts -- like that Republicans are petty petulant obstructionist swizzle dicks who should do their damned goddamned jobs. Good for...
A historical documentary with Moar Dakka!

Stupid Michael Bay Benghazi Movie ’13 Hours’ Sorely Lacking In Giant Robots

According to rightwing bloggers having jizzspasms over Michael Bay's new Benghazi movie, 13 Hours is certain to sink Hillary Clinton's hopes of ever being president. But this loud, excessively long (two-and-a-half hours, Alan!) wargasm doesn't actually mention the former...
Still the dumbest book cover in the history of U.S. America

Silly Goose Allen West Casually Death Threats President Obama For Grabbing His Guns

GRRR ARGH RAGE MAD OBAMA'S TAKIN' YR GUNS BUT NOT IF ALLEN WEST CAN STOP IT OOH AHH ANGRY WORDS GRRRR!!!!!!!ELEVENTY!!!!!! So, failed congressman, disgraced soldier, dirty whore pervert and all around human erectile dysfunction Allen West is mad about a...
It's not lying. Carly just believes we're in a post-truth era.

Carly Fiorina Admits She Was Wrong, Which Proves She Was Right, So There

This might be a first: Carly Fiorina admitted she was wrong about something! Not as wrong as she actually was, but it's a start. On Fox News Sunday, Fiorina admitted she was actually incorrect in saying General Jack Keane,...
It's the bloody tears that really make this one work

BREAKING: George Bush Kept Us Even Safer Than We Knew On 9/11!

Bad news for revisionist historians who have decided to Never Forget 9/11 by simply forgetting 9/11. Or saying Bill Clinton did it. Or insisting the first terrorist attack on a president's watch doesn't count. Or all of 'em, Katie. While George Gee Dubya was...
Elijah Cummings takes us to CHURCH!

Rep. Elijah Cummings: America Is ‘A Better Country’ Than This Benghazi Hearing BS

Remember Benghazi Day? Of course you do, it was only a day ago. A long, long, 11-hour day of Republicans making it Baccarat crystal clear that the whole point of the seventh congressional investigation into how Hillary Clinton did...
I say, I say, why'd you do Benghazi?

Hillary Can Understand Slow Georgia Hick’s Benghazi Questions Just Fine, Thanks

What's so fun about the fifty-eleventieth Benghazi!!!11! hearing is that EVERYBODY gets a turn telling Hillary Clinton how she and Sidney Blumenthal personally murdered four Americans in Benghazi, even the real slow, stupid Republicans from Georgia, like Rep. Lynn...
Still missing an H

Sad Congressjerk Tasked With Proving Hillary Did Benghazi Tells Everyone To ‘Shut Up’

Rep. Trey Gowdy (R-Benghazi) has a real hard job. As chairman of the Benghazi Committee to Benghazi Hillary Clinton's Presidential Campaign For Doing Benghazi In Benghazi, the buck to stop Hillary's inevitable presidency stops with him. And he's doing...

Duggars Edge Out Bristol Palin In ‘Biggest A Idiot’ Contest Once More. Your Weekly Top Ten

HALLOOOOO, WONKERS! It's Sunday afternoon, and that means we are very excited to write the top ten posts of the week at you. Will you be so kind as to click on every single one of them and share...

Teabagger Rep. Jason Chaffetz Says Only He Is Sexy Enough To Be Next House Speaker

Ever since House Speaker John Boehner announced his October surprise at the end of September, probably because he was too drunk to read his calendar, Republicans have been whipping out their boomsticks to see whose is big and bad...

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Oh No, The Witches Have Cursed Donald Trump!

Well be with you, readers, and welcome once again to the Snake Oil Bulletin! On today's bulletin, we take a look at the hardest working political action committee in America: The Witches! It seems election fever has gripped even our...
An elegant enhanced interrogation method from a more civilized age

Senate Votes To End Torture, Not That We Ever Did That

As we know, the United States of America does not torture people. George Bush said we didn't, and then Barack Obama officially ended it with an executive order, mostly, and then last fall the Senate released its report on...
Guys, if we can get this black igloo open we'll eat like KINGS!

CIA Drops Climate Research Program Because Polar Bears Make Lousy Spies

In what may be yet another victory for the Republican War on Science, the CIA is shutting down a climate research project that shared classified data with scientists with the goal of studying links between climate change and national...