Tag Archives: CIA

  declar...(hic)...ations

Peggy Noonan Explains Who Is To Blame For The Torture Report: The Dastardly Japanese

The protests were over, the protestors having returned to their hovels in the far-off, darkened lands from whence they came (mostly Brooklyn, she assumed), and Sister Peggy Noonan’s beloved Manhattan had returned to its jaunty, holiday-time normal. The Santas with their bells and their Salvation Army kettles stood in front of the gaily decorated window displays of Bloomingdale’s. Children and lovers took their turns carving smiles with their skate blades on the Rockefeller Center ice skating rink. The bartenders in her favorite saloons were a little more liberal with the good stuff when mixing drinks. The only time when she favored liberalism! Read more on Peggy Noonan Explains Who Is To Blame For The Torture Report: The Dastardly Japanese…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Did The CIA Really Need To Do All That Torture To Protect America? (Video)

Might be making an excellent point about something, might be a Motown back-up singer
In his press conference on the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on torture, CIA Director John Brennan acknowledged that interrogators did some things that were “abhorrent and rightly should be repudiated by all,” but also explained that it was a crazy time and everybody was just doing the best they could to Protect America. Read more on Morning Maddow: Did The CIA Really Need To Do All That Torture To Protect America? (Video)…
  Rectally Infused Excuses

CIA Chief: Torture Is Bad, We Shouldn’t Do It, Now Please Shut Up About It

It's an art, apparently
CIA Director John Brennan held a press conference today to respond to the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on torture during the Bush administration, and he gave a very clear message: The CIA is good, torture is bad, it’s hard to say whether torture led to useful intelligence, but it definitely helped find Osama bin Ladin, and it was a long time ago so can we please just look to the future please? Read more on CIA Chief: Torture Is Bad, We Shouldn’t Do It, Now Please Shut Up About It…
  Tortured Logic 2: Electric (Shocks To The Genitals) Boogaloo

Dick Cheney Throws George W. Bush Under War Criminal Bus

Dick Cheney, the dark lord who makes Satan himself cringe, wants you to know a few things about that Senate report on torture that he has not read but knows is not only “hooey” but also “full of crap.” Read more on Dick Cheney Throws George W. Bush Under War Criminal Bus…
  Hitting the Mark

Ousted Dem Sen. Mark Udall Goes Nuts On Lying Liars At CIA

Happy trails
Sen. Mark Udall was turfed out of office this November by the good people of Colorado, so for the last few weeks, Udall’s been wandering the halls of Congress wondering what to do with his final moments on the public stage. Today, Udall delivered what will likely be his final floor speech as a senator, and it was a certified stemwinder. Read more on Ousted Dem Sen. Mark Udall Goes Nuts On Lying Liars At CIA…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Surprise, CIA Torture Program Was Run By Idiots (Video)

Poinsettias and torture reports go together so well
Rachel Maddow started off her Tuesday show with one of those Historical Context pieces she’s so fond of, and it was a doozy: the story of Yuri Nosenko, the KGB agent who defected to the USA in 1964. Despite Nosenko’s having worked as a double agent and then voluntarily giving the CIA a trove of information, the agency — hoping to get the real truth on Lee Harvey Oswald — tortured Nosenko from 1964 to 1967, eventually deciding he’d been truthful after all. Then they gave him a nice pension, a new identity, and a new life somewhere in America. He died in 2008. You’d think maybe the CIA might have learned something about the value of torture in getting useful intelligence. But no, instead we got the Bush administration’s torture program, the subject of yesterday’s Senate Intelligence Committee report. Read more on Morning Maddow: Surprise, CIA Torture Program Was Run By Idiots (Video)…
  Obviously a distraction from SomethingElseGhazi

GOP Senators Would Rather Not Talk About Torture, Thanks. Or ‘Torture.’

Still the worst
It sure would be nice if we could put aside our partisan differences for just one half of one second to agree that torturing people — by, for example, raping prisoners with food, or, for another example, killing them — is bad and wrong, and we shouldn’t do that. But yeah, sure, right, whatEVER. This is America, where the one and only time we can agree on anything at all is that Nazis suck. Read more on GOP Senators Would Rather Not Talk About Torture, Thanks. Or ‘Torture.’…
  Here have some news n stuff

You Know Who Else Worked With The Nazis? America, That’s Who.

Which one's the moderate?
Here’s a nifty little tale about that time the United States government worked with Nazis — actual Nazis, not the hyperbolic “Obama is just like Hitler” kind. In the decades after World War II, the C.I.A. and other United States agencies employed at least a thousand Nazis as Cold War spies and informants and, as recently as the 1990s, concealed the government’s ties to some still living in America, newly disclosed records and interviews show. Read more on You Know Who Else Worked With The Nazis? America, That’s Who….
  clipbait

John Oliver: America Loves Cheap And Deadly Drones Because Cheap And Deadly (Video)

Oh the hilarity!
Now that he’s done in-depth comedy reports on nuclear weapons and student debt, we’re no longer surprised when John Oliver uses deadly serious subject matter. It can only be a matter of time before he gets to Ebola at this rate. But this week, Last Week Tonight took on a different lethal pathogen: American drone strikes, such as those that were launched against targets in Pakistan and Yemen, not that many of us heard about them. Oliver notes that, with eight times as many drone strikes under Obama than under G.W. Bush, “drone strikes will be as much a characteristic of the Obama presidency as Obamacare or receiving racist email forwards from distant relatives.” And why not? Drone strikes are popular with the American public, because they’re “appealingly cheap and incredibly deadly,” which Oliver says could be drones’ official slogan, “but unfortunately, that’s already taken by Hardees.” Read more on John Oliver: America Loves Cheap And Deadly Drones Because Cheap And Deadly (Video)…
  spy kids

CIA, On Careful Reflection, Remembers It Hacked Senate Computers After All

This is my
Hey, remember back in March when Senate Intelligence Committee chair Dianne Feinstein, who is usually all “Oh, yes, I just love the spying and the security and how they keep us free, here, please have more money,” actually got pretty pissed at the CIA because it hacked into the U.S. Senate’s computers so it could find out what the Senate knew about the Bush-era torture program? And CIA director John Brennan was all like, Naah, mang, you’re just imagining it. Girls, so hysterical and imaginatey! “As far as the allegations of the CIA hacking into Senate computers, nothing could be further from the truth. … That’s beyond the scope of reason.” Hey, did you try turning it off and on? Read more on CIA, On Careful Reflection, Remembers It Hacked Senate Computers After All…
  Shut Your Eyes Marion

Melt Bin Laden’s Face Off With This Awesome Doll The CIA Didn’t Make!

When we were but a young Wonket, we loved our G.I. Joe’s. Pew, pew, pew!, we said to our Joes, along with eeeeeOOOWWW! and sch-BOOOM! when appropriate. Back then, we had to use Cobra Commander as the fill-in for all of America’s enemies, but had we been born a decade later, and had the CIA followed through on this one unbelievably stupid plan, we might have been able to inject some verisimilitude into our cookie-strewn battlescapes. Hey, WaPo! Tell us about it, stud! Beginning in about 2005, the CIA began secretly developing a custom-made Osama bin Laden action figure, according to people familiar with the project. The faces of the figures were painted with a heat-dissolving material, designed to peel off and reveal a red-faced bin Laden who looked like a demon, with piercing green eyes and black facial markings. The goal of the short-lived project was simple: spook children and their parents, causing them to turn away from the actual bin Laden. We have to say, having a doll with a face that melts like a Nazi’s in Raiders of the Lost Ark would probably make your house the envy of all the other impoverished children in your neighborhood, while also making your parents hate you for getting that melted face gunk out of whatever you dripped it on. But still, SO COOL, right impressionable South Asian children? Read more on Melt Bin Laden’s Face Off With This Awesome Doll The CIA Didn’t Make!…
  the old man loves my ass

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks Where Mistakes Were Made

This week we’ll start wrapping up the Glorious Reagan Years, in which the Gipper personally defeated Communism almost everywhere by Standing Tall and being the manliest. And for a change, on the topic of Afghanistan at least, it’s our 11/12th-grade history textbook from Bob Jones University Press, United States History for Christian Schools (2002), that manages to tell bigger lies than our text for 8th graders, America: Land I Love (A Beka, 2006). Way to go Bob Jones U! We knew you could do it! Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks Where Mistakes Were Made…
  Slow Eddie

Boy, That Edward Snowden Really Screwed Up, Says Edward Snowden

Though it’s always nice to be right, we really wish we had been wrong about Edward Snowden. We wish that he truly had been the super-genius martyr for freedom depicted by his most fervent supporters — and, if we’re being honest, by Snowden himself, with his talk of “sacrificing himself” and “risking his life” and so on. But he is not a super-genius martyr. He’s a naive idealist who’s in way over his head. And now, to his credit, it looks like he’s finally ready to acknowledge this: Two sources close to him told the Daily Beast that he “instantly regretted” his appearance on Russian state TV to ask shirtless Russian godhead Vladimir “the Botox Fox” Putin a softball question about Russia’s security apparatus, to which Putin naturally responded with transparent, regime-serving lies. “It certainly didn’t go as he would’ve hoped,” one of these sources said. “I don’t think there’s any shame in saying that he made an error in judgment.” Nope, no shame in that! But where, then, is the shame? Let’s find the shame. Read more on Boy, That Edward Snowden Really Screwed Up, Says Edward Snowden…
  Enhanced Parenting Techniques

Heartwarming Viral Video Presents Motherhood As CIA Torture. Yay Moms.

Have you seen that ADORABLE ad, about how moms are unpaid slaves and what kind of idiot would take a job as one? Here, watch all 14 hours because apparently Ghost Andy Warhol is making greeting card viral videos now. (My mom: “I watched ‘Empire’ in the theater. It was WONDERFUL.” My mom is a liar.) Read more on Heartwarming Viral Video Presents Motherhood As CIA Torture. Yay Moms….
  you know how bad girls get

Big Manly Former CIA Chief Mansplains: Sen. Dianne Feinstein Too ‘Emotional’ About Torture

Former CIA Director Michael Hayden said on Fox News Sunday, on Fox News, on Sunday, that in advocating the public release of the Senate Intelligence Committee’s report on torture, Sen. Dianne Feinstein may have been too “emotional,” and maybe even hysterical, because who knows with ladies, right? Sometimes they just fly off the handle instead of being logical and dispassionate about a topic like torturing human beings. Read more on Big Manly Former CIA Chief Mansplains: Sen. Dianne Feinstein Too ‘Emotional’ About Torture…
  girl you lookin so fein

CIA Screwed Up So Bad That Biggest Fangirl Dianne Feinstein Yelling At Them Now (VIDEO)

Yeah yeah, we know, it’s just so hypocritical of iconic Bond girl Dianne Feinstein to suddenly be acting all hotted up about domestic spying now that she’s the one getting domestic spied on. It’s very ironic and so on, but that’s not the important thing. The important thing is: If you are someone who wants a new Church Committee to ram home a deep, broad, penetrating probe of CIA, NSA, FBI, and all the rest, you should be happy. The chances of that happening just got a lot better. And boy, it’s about time. To us, the most striking thing about this whole affair has not been the accusations against the CIA, but rather just how badly they’ve handled themselves in response. It’s like when you catch a kid with his hand in the cookie jar, and his reaction is to yell “FUCK YOU! My hand was not in the cookie jar, and even if it was it’s none of your fucking business! DO YOU HEAR ME I WILL CUT YOU! I WILL SHIT IN YOUR SHOES!” In other words, the CIA is very much like Justin Bieber or a 19-year-old son. Read more on CIA Screwed Up So Bad That Biggest Fangirl Dianne Feinstein Yelling At Them Now (VIDEO)…