GOP money fuckery, Trump lights a tree, and Walmart apologizes for trying to kill journalists. Your morning news brief.
Any fucking idiot can tell Trump is compromised by Putin, FOR SOME REASON.
There seem to be decomposing squirrel carcasses inside the president's brain, and they are mating.
Trump must immediately appoint a special counsel to see if Hitler helped Hillary do uraniums to Russia.
Trump insults Gold Star families (again), Republicans are shoving the Trump Taxes down our throats, and John McCain insults rich draft dodgers with foot problems. Your morning news brief.
Why the hell are we in Niger, the Senate tries to sneak in the Trump Taxes, and OBAMA'S BACK! Your morning news brief.
He just KNOWS the Deep State is going to force him to commit perjury before the Senate Intel Committee!
FEMA loses the plot. How's about Congressman Blackwater, Wyoming? And Mike Pence fakes it. Your morning news brief.
Christopher Steele is a very popular boy!
Is Rex Tillerson about to get YOU'RE FIRED? John Kelly? SOMEBODY ELSE? Who can even fucking say.
Your morning news brief will talk about everything, and is not changing the subject.
A terror attack in London, racial tensions boiling in St. Louis, and Facebook sells ads for Nazis. Your morning news brief.
BREAKING NEWS: Mike Pompeo is REALLY FUCKING BAD at his job.
Ryan Zinke wants to open up national monuments, Trump wants to shut down the government, and MORE Texas gerrymandering. Your morning news brief!
Everything about this story makes our head hurt.