WASHINGTON, DC, 06:00 PM, SUN NOVEMBER 8 | Advertise on Wonkette | tips@wonkette.com | SUBMIT A TIP | RSS

Posts Tagged ‘CIA’

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

New Jersey Molested By Terrible Mobs Of Political Flyers

Tuesday, November 3rd, 2009
  • Oh no. Oh no no no. What is this? What … how? Democratic “gangbangers,” gangbanging doors, with flyers? And a video — a terrifying video! — of an anonymous woman, who fears for her dear sweet life … HELP! NEW JERSEY DEMOCRATIC FLYER-GANGBANGERS! [Hot Air]
  • Michelle Malkin double-doggy dares you to defend muslins and their so-called sharia law. [Michelle Malkin]

  • Vote Jonah Goldberg’s brother for NYC City Council! And then read about Jonah Goldberg’s kitten lightsaber fettish — but only if you vote for his brother! [The Corner]
  • We now know for sure that waterboarding saved America from shoe bombers and global warming. Q. E. muther-fuckin’ D. [Weekly Standard]
  • A very important Arizona Republican correctly points out that Democrats are entirely unfamiliar with the daily suffering of “those brown people.” [Think Progress]

RUMORS ON THE INTERNETS

RedState Will Never Ever Ever Forgive Michael Steele, Ever

Monday, November 2nd, 2009
  • Erick Erickson insists upon a Great Purge to keep the GOP pure. Erick, you sick sick Stalinist bastard! [RedState]
  • Sarah Palin is “ready” to be “president,” according to “Rush” “Limbaugh.” [Gateway Pundit]
  • Who else is on the CIA payroll, besides Ahmed Wali Karzai and Luis Posada Carriles? The answer will not surprise you in the least. [The Plank]
  • Oh, GREAT: The terrorists get free swine flu vaccines while pregnant women and stray children are encouraged to stock up on Emergen-C and hope for the best. This is health care reform? We want America back! [Ace of Spades]
  • Remember when Bill Clinton parachuted into North Korea and whispered delicious lies into Kim Jong-il’s tender ear and then saved two lady-journalists from a decade of slave labor? Yeah well, that part about Kim Jong-il never actually happened — hot damn, it was Photoshopped! [Daily Intel]

OSCURE APPLICATIONS OF COMMON ADJECTIVES

CIA Report Literally Describes Waterboarding As ‘Poignant’

Monday, August 24th, 2009

How creepy is the 2004 CIA torture report released today? Who knows! Ask someone with an attention span or read it yourself, you fancypants high school diplomas. For the rest of us, there are brief blockquotes on liberal blogs to read, so click the clicky, “for real.” MORE »


EARLY EXITS

This Whole ‘Leon Panetta’ Thing May Not Have Worked Out

Monday, August 24th, 2009

Today is “Liberal Day” in the executive branch — it comes but once a year! — what with the release of the 2004 CIA inspector general report on all of the death it caused, as well as Eric Holder’s decision to appoint a prosecutor to investigate, uh, something, to some extent, with regards to the CIA. You know where they’re upset about these two things? At the CIA! Specifically, longtime Washington operative Leon Panetta — he is upset. He has been cursing at Obama and whining about stuff for months, and will probably quit soon. MORE »


BRING BACK FITZGERALD PLZ

Monday, August 24th, 2009
  • VERY LIBERAL ERIC HOLDER TO APPOINT INVESTIGATOR TO INVESTIGATE WHETHER THERE IS ENOUGH EVIDENCE TO TO HAVE AN INVESTIGATION FOR CRIMES, SUCH AS TORTURE, BUT ONLY THE STUFF THAT GEORGE W. BUSH DIDN’T SAY WAS A-OKAY: Let’s meet the pre-pre-investigation’s purported new sexy independent prosecutor: John Durham from Connecticut! “Durham’s mandate, the sources added, will be relatively narrow: to look at whether there is enough evidence to launch a full-scale criminal investigation of current and former CIA personnel who may have broken the law in their dealings with detainees.” PSST: NEW MANDATE IDEA: Send Cheney to Bagram?? [WP]

BECAUSE IT IS CRUEL

Paranoid Obama Nut Has Special Request Regarding Routine Poisonings

Friday, August 21st, 2009

The request is to knock it off.In lieu of your usual daily White House Flickr foto, here’s some leftist (?) propaganda straight from a DC cabbie. Poisoning food and drinks again, eh, CIA? You couldn’t outsource that to Blackwater? (Thanks to “Matt” and his iPhone for sending this along.)


METRO SECTION

Fishbowl DC To Go ‘Online Only’ Within Next Three Weeks

Friday, August 7th, 2009

The life of a CIA intern: picking Leon Panetta’s nose, and spying on North Korea (using Google Earth Street View). [Spotted: DC Interns] MORE »


INSECTS SHOULD BE USED FOR GOOD NOT EVIL

Was CIA Fire-Ant Torture Nut Just Telling Lies?

Thursday, July 16th, 2009

The supect *was* interrogated in a mile-deep catacomb...Hmm, here is a possible scoop from your Department of Rumor, Speculation, and Innuendo: a CIA supervisor just back from Baghdad was reportedly hanging out at a bar in Camp Peary, Virginia, where he got super loaded and started talking crazy talk about putting fire ants on some Al Qaeda guy’s head to “break him.” MORE »


SECRET FOOTAGE

Why Didn’t Eric Bana And Steven Spielberg Tell Congress About Their Secret Assassination Plan?

Monday, July 13th, 2009

Here is a clip of Dick Cheney discussing the secret-but-becoming-unsecret Other Plan To Kill Muslins (OPTKM) with CIA Field Ops head Eric “The Hulk” Bana, who simply must not tell Congressional leaders about these things. Now the Guardian has new information about OPTKM, and by golly something just seems to be missing. MORE »


$5 SAYS IT'S 'CONTRACTING OUT TO ALIEN HITMEN'

Saturday, July 11th, 2009
  • CLONE ARMY? THE HOLOCAUST BUT WITH MUSLIMS? If you haven’t already, read this whole terrifying story about the NEWLY DISCOVERED CHENEY/CIA-ONLY SECRET PROGRAM, and enjoy reading Official Sources tease like mad jackals, along the lines of, “Can’t tell you what the program was, but man… that was… whew… holy fucking shit… just damn.” Leon Clinton Panetta only found out about this Other Program’s existence on June 23, and cancelled the dickens out of it one hour later! Oy. Just scan through the Seymour Hersh tag; it sounds like the Secret Band of Assassins thing. [NYT]

IMPORTANT POLICY PROPOSALS

GOOD QUESTION, CQ SPY BLOGGER

Tuesday, June 16th, 2009

No. No. No. Stop it. No. None of that. Stop. The CIA should not use the occasion of a “Twitter Revolution” to secretly attempt regime change in Iran. That’s just nuts. No. Please just stop this. C’mon. The rest of the article explains how this would be an idiotic and terrible idea, so why even? Stop. No CIA. No CIA meddling. No. Stop. Stop it. [CQ/Spy Talk]