chuck schumer
But What About Gay Messicans?
DDM back to help splain some Congressional nitty-gritty-ness. There have been lots of happy nice times about our GLBTQMORELETTERS friends lately, because people around the country are finally looking around and saying, hey, these gay folks ain’t that bad! In fact, they seem almost like actual human beings, so maybe we could, you know, give them [...]
Immigration Reform Could Have Prevented 9/11 or Something
Hello and welcome to “We must now do (name irrelevant thing) to prevent the next Boston Marathon tragedy” week here in America. Fresh from the fine American political tradition that brought you the Iraq War as a nationally-supported response to 9/11, Senators Chuck Schumer and Lindsey Graham are calling for — not war, as this [...]
Congress And Ben Bernanke On Who’s In Charge Of Economy: One Two Three Not It!
Whose PROBLEM is this, you might be wondering, as you try desperately to save for your children’s college education, pay off your own student loans, keep up with the mortgage payments on a house worth less than what you owe on it, hope that you do not get sick, and contemplate a retirement age of [...]
Grover Norquist: Why Are All These Democrat Nazis Holocausting Poor Billionaire Eduardo Saverin?
Poor Eduardo Saverin! All he wanted to do was renounce his American citizenship, coincidentally shortly before a big honkin’ tax bill came due from his Facebook public offering or something (we don’t know, it was all the news there was on Friday, which brought our cherished Internet to a dumb screeching halt). And then mean [...]
Al Franken Lures Filibuster-Proof Majority of Senators With Secret Gifts
How do you trick 61 U.S. Senators into hanging out for a few hours without an eruption of bloodshed? You promise them a mystery holiday treat! It works on children, so why not? A very mischievous Al Franken snuck in a new “Secret Santa clause” to the Senate’s bazillion page protocol in an effort to [...]
Senate Old Farts McCain And Schumer Hold Mad Comedy Duel
Uh-oh, why is John McCain insulting 9/11? Don’t tell us our favorite celebrity political couple John McCain and 9/11 have finally broken up! (Calm down, Lindsey Graham, that is not actually what happened.) No, John McCain jokingly insulted Long Island during a Senate debate by saying that it is “regrettably” part of America, and Chuck [...]
Lil’ Chucky Schumer Proposes Adorable ‘No-Ride List’ For the Choo-Choos
Sen. Charles Schumer said he would push as well for added funding for rail security and commuter and passenger train track inspections and more monitoring of stations nationwide. When most people see news about a potential terrorist attack, they get a little scared and take a bit of solace knowing their government is aware of [...]
Flighty Lindsey Graham Decides To Let Immigration Reform Happen Again
Last year, Lindsey Graham decided to use his formal Ham Biscuit Veto, the constitutional provision that allows closeted senators to block any bill that offends their dainty self-importance, to stop immigration and climate-change reforms from happening, because he was so upset about the health care. But now Lindsey Graham has decided the immigration thing is [...]
Chuck Schumer Reconfigures the Branches of Government
Yeah, that always made more sense. Recall those civics textbooks, folks. [YouTube]
America’s Hottest Stars, Chuck Schumer and Snooki, Pass Each Other At DCA
Hey look, it’s that one television character and Chuck Schumer at the airport, and the television character isn’t interested in being forced to stand for another photo, much less with a guy who wants to ban bath salts, of all things. (You can stop watching at around the 1:00 mark.) [tvia Wonkette operative "Monsieur Grumpe']
Chuck Schumer Afraid the Bath Salts Are Corrupting Our Children
U.S. Sen. Charles Schumer of New York says he wants the federal government to ban new designer drugs known as bath salts that pack as much punch as cocaine or methamphetamines. Yes, bath salts, the Christmas present your mom receives from the sister she doesn’t like, is a DESIGNER DRUG. Designed to make your mom [...]
Mo’ Federal Money For the States, Fewer Problems
Senate Democrats and Maine’s two Communist Republican ladies voted to give money to the states, hooray! This means that state governments won’t have to lay everybody off. Olympia Snowe said that “this should be sort of the final down payment,” which means that…the Federal government now owns the states, having bought them on the installment [...]
Former Nixon CREEP And Baseball-Player Buyer George Steinbrenner Dies of Dick Cheney’s Disease
New York Yankees owner Geroge Steinbrenner keeled over and died of a heart attack this morning to the amusement of baseball fans everywhere. He was 80 in terms of human-years and is best remembered for breaking the hearts of children across the country for decades by taking their favorite players and giving them ridiculous amounts [...]
NRA Just Going To Stick Gun Stuff Into Every Bill From Now On
With their best friends the Supreme Court routinely doing them solids on overturning urban gun control, the National Rifle Association has nothing better to do now than make sure every random law that gets passed has some funny gun part to it. Things like the new credit card law’s provision that you can now carry [...]
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