Ric “The Nature Boy” Flair — an eight-time National Wrestling Alliance (NWA) Champion, six-time WCW Champion, two-time WWE Champion and winner of the 1992 “Royal Rumble” — has endorsed Mike Huckabee. Suddenly Chuck Norris’ endorsement looks like Abraham fucking Lincoln’s.

After the jump: A video of Ric Flair vs. Hulk Hogan vs. The Undertaker. MORE »

First his wife goes rambling on about grenade launchers over tea (hot girl pic!), now Huck himself has found a sense of humor. Starting today, Iowans will start getting bombarded with a 60-second TV ad featuring the actor’s endorsement of Huckabee as a “principled, authentic conservative.” Besides Huck’s supporting of second amendment rights and abolishing taxes, the ad wants you to know that Chuck Norris personally secure the border, he has fist hiding beneath his beard, and he can move the earth. After the jump, Huck and Chuck’s Excellent Adventure continues! MORE »

Last week, we reported on Chuck Norris’ manly and not-at-all-gay love for Presidential candidate Mike Huckabee. This week, having lost out on all the evangelical endorsements — despite being an evangelical — to the divorced, fruit fly pagan candidate Rudy “The Weasel” Giuliani, Huckabee published Chuck Norris’ open letter to America. Chuck likes the Huck (and not just for the rhyming possibilities) because he didn’t grow up rich, likes people and shoots and animals for fun! But could he really just be angling for a VP slot? Please? Because that would totally make the election for me! [Mike Huckabee Is Chuck Norris Approved]

In a power play that dramatically alters the Republican presidential playing field, actor/ninja Chuck Norris, most famous for his role as a karate mentor in the delightful Sidekicks, has endorsed Mike Huckabee for president. (*Much fanfare!*) The seismic announcement came in a WorldNetDaily exclusive commentary in which he lowers the boom early on: “I won’t leave you in suspense…. I believe the only one who has all of the characteristics to lead America forward into the future is ex-Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee.” After the jump: How Chuck Norris determined that Mike Huckabee isn’t a tutu-wearing Mexican pussy. MORE »

Chuck Norris recently and forcefully reminded us in a masculine manner that he would single-handedly turn Iraq into a manly democracy ruled by the iron fists of Chuck Norris. Now Bloomberg markets columnist Mark Gilbert has learned that Chuck Norris is also the brute-force answer to America’s collapsing economy, and here are a few examples: MORE »

Uhh, Chuck Norris is in Iraq this week, writing columns for World Net Daily about how great everything’s going over there. [New York]

This week, Chuck Norris, Jim Webb, Karl Rove, David Gregory, and Helen Thomas were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump.

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* Mexican drug lords say a little prayer every night for Barack Obama, without whom none of their meth profits would be possible. [Hit & Run]
* Walnuts kept from going nuts in Vietnamese prisons by rubbing one out to Nancy Ronald Reagan every night. [YouTube]
* Giuliani’s running not because of maniacal power lust, but because he thinks people want him to. [Freakonomics]
* Guy who calls Dick Cheney “Dad” also makes the call on what “sex for visa” and “air marshal drug smuggling” gets swept under the rug at DHS. [Think Progress]
* “Anytime someone is elected president in the United States, they must ask permission from Chuck Norris to live in the White House. The reason for this is because Chuck Norris has won every Federal, State, and Local election since 1777. He just allows others to run the country in his place.” [World Net Daily]
* Mike Huckabee already plans to give up campaign, book sales doing fine. [Political Wire]
* Wanted: one military operation name thinker-upper, knowledge of history or familiarity with comic books a plus. [Rising Hegemon]
* Red, white and blue “Stephen Colberry” ice cream coming soon to better supermarkets everywhere. [Salon]

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• Bob Corker’s new radio ad avoids confusion by playing an angelic chorus behind a reading of his bio and “jungle theme” tom tom drums during all mentions of Harold Ford. [Talk Left]

• Ohio gubernatorial race gets Kity Harris CrazyTM as Republican candidate accuses Democrat of covering up a NAMBLA conspiracy among his staff. [Political Wire]
• Harry Reid plans to spend election night in DC, already scouting backdrops for his “that’s right bitches, we won” speechifying. [Hotline on Call]
• Cardinals’ pitcher Jeff Suppan to spin curveballs and anti-stem cell propaganda during tonight’s World Series game. [Martini Republic]
• Gay guidos rejoice as New Jersey upholds civil-unions. [Above the Law]
• New blogger Chuck Norris wants everyone to know that he really loves Jesus, and shows that love the best way he knows how — by kicking fucking ass. [World Net Daily]

This week DC was packed with has-beens and also-rans, still probably looking better than everyone else. Chuck Norris enjoyed a steak, but wasn’t on a stake-out. Bo Derek has traded in the couture for the sale down the street. Madeleine Albright has a book to hawk (but she’s a dove), Ari Fleischer thinks his Blackberry has too many buttons, and Grover Norquist wants everyone to know how his name is spelled. Plus your latest installment of “Where is George Stephanopoulos This Week?,” and a raft of reality TV stars must have washed up on the banks of the Potomac. Test your memory after the jump!

The month of May has come, when every lusty heart beginneth to blossom, and to bring forth fruit! Readers, bring forth fruit in the form of sightings, then send the juicy tidbits to us via email, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line (along with the name of your heart’s desire!). Flourish in tipstery deeds! Gracious thanks!

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