chuck norris
Spring Break With Chuck Norris Sounds About As Lame As You Would Expect
Ever wonder what former action star and depressing self-parody Chuck Norris does on his time off (besides facelifts and hormone injections to keep the dreaded steroid induced “bitch tits” away)? Well as it turns out the meme-tastic actor is wasting time on the internet just like you! Although he is spacing out his fapping sessions [...]
Noted Economist Chuck Norris Explains Obama’s ‘Schemes’ To Double Gas Prices
LISTEN UP PANSIES! WingNutDaily star columnist and ultimate macho Chuck Norris would like you to know a few things! President Barack Obama’s energy plan involves radically increasing gas prices to the European rate of $9-10 a gallon. And he’s well on his way by more than doubling prices at the pump since entering office in [...]
Chuck Norris Discovers UN Plot to Steal His Pistols Inside Gun Statue
Crusty paranoid sad sack Chuck Norris has uncovered evidence that the United Nations is actively plotting to break into his anger cave and boost his vast library of murder weapons (haha, get it?) in the form of Swedish artist Carl Fredrick Reutersward’s anti-violence sculpture of a .38 pistol tied in a knot, which is located at [...]
Chuck Norris Puts Out New Column; It Plagiarizes His Old Column
Chuck Norris has apparently weathered the revelation that his lazy conservative column is strung together by his “pastor” from a series of plagiarized passages of other people’s writing. That’s not surprising; it’s not like the kind of places his op-eds are syndicated care about truth or intellectual honesty or anything like that. But you’d at [...]
Chuck Norris’ ‘Pastor’ Writes All of His Plagiarized Columns
Since your Wonkette cracked the case on Chuck Norris’ hilariously poorly veiled plagiarism in his columns, the professional kicker’s people have refused to talk to us, and his syndicate, which still feautures Norris on its website, has refused multiple requests for comment. Yes, the man whose entire public persona is based on kicking people’s faces [...]
Chuck Norris Commits Plagiarism In His Column All the Time
Yesterday, we were writing a joke about Chuck Norris copy-and-pasting other people’s “information” into his column when we realized, yes, this is probably exactly what he did. We checked, and, what do you know, he did plagiarize parts of that op-ed. Is it surprising the man who’s responsible for stuff like this isn’t exactly intellectually [...]
Chuck Norris Plagiarizes Hatred of Muslims
Like the time he single-handedly saved the Boy Scouts from Barack Obama’s indifference, Chuck Norris only latches onto a conservative cause when they’re facing dire straits and need somebody who can kick his way out of them. And now, nearly a decade after 9/11, the time has come for him to make one last stand [...]
Chuck Norris: Liberal Propaganda In Schools Causing Kids To Not Hate Gays
Why should liberals want to change the public educational system when it is turning out the product they have been striving for years to produce? Check out these real news headlines from the past several weeks and months about the state of U.S. public education across the country: “U.S. teachers tell U.N. sex is a [...]
Chuck Norris: Atheist National Park Service Sullying Founding Fathers
Chuck Norris has a personal pastor for all of his various organization, because, well, karate needs pastors, of course. But when that pastor visited Independence Hall in Philadelphia to learn about the religion of our nation’s founding fathers, he instead was led on a tour by a guide who, rudely, only talked about the Constitution [...]
Chuck Norris’ Money Priest Restores Christianity to Liberty Bell
As you know, Chuck Norris is so holy he needs a personal chaplain to keep himself bathed in the divine light of Jesus Christ/Charlton Heston at all times. But this pastor, Todd DuBord, also has another hobby: crusading for the rights of our nation’s Liberty Beaus to be retroactively Christianized: A Christian chaplain has written [...]
CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: Chuck Norris Says Jan Brewer Is ‘Tougher’ Than Him
“Meanwhile back at the farm, or on the border, lone ranger Gov. Brewer commendably and courageously continues to lead a battalion of border-protection officials, on the one hand fighting the feds with state politicians and attorneys, and on the other hand fighting illegals with border agents, sheriffs and other law enforcement. What a job, huh? [...]
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