Tag: chuck norris

Creationist & Serial Plagiarist Chuck Norris Shares Insights On ‘A Proper Education’

Remember how last week we all got a little teary-eyed at the courage of Malala Yousafzai, who survived being shot in the head last fall by extremists who don't want Pakistani girls to go to school, and who addressed...

Spring Break With Chuck Norris Sounds About As Lame As You Would Expect

Ever wonder what former action star and depressing self-parody Chuck Norris does on his time off (besides facelifts and hormone injections to keep the dreaded steroid induced "bitch tits" away)? Well as it turns out the meme-tastic actor is...

Your Monday Wisconsin Recall Round-Up: Bambi’s Mom Wants You To Vote Scott Walker

Oh, whoops, did Your Wonkette just get itself "targeted" by DHS? Well, IT IS WORTH IT, to bring you these important stories from the nation's cheese factory, the late great state of Wisconsin. First up! Chuck Norris sees your...

Chuck Norris Has Had It Up to Here With Wastrel Layabout Obama Voters on Teevee Program ‘Judge Judy’

Do you know who is to blame for the lazy shiftless blah man being sued by his ex-girlfriend for being a wastrel and a layabout? We will give you one hint: It is President Foodstamps, Barack Obama. This man...

Noted Economist Chuck Norris Explains Obama’s ‘Schemes’ To Double Gas Prices

LISTEN UP PANSIES! WingNutDaily star columnist and ultimate macho Chuck Norris would like you to know a few things! President Barack Obama’s energy plan involves radically increasing gas prices to the European rate of $9-10 a gallon. And...

Chuck Norris Discovers UN Plot to Steal His Pistols Inside Gun Statue

Crusty paranoid sad sack Chuck Norris has uncovered evidence that the United Nations is actively plotting to break into his anger cave and boost his vast library of murder weapons (haha, get it?) in the form of Swedish artist...

Chuck Norris Puts Out New Column; It Plagiarizes His Old Column

Chuck Norris has apparently weathered the revelation that his lazy conservative column is strung together by his "pastor" from a series of plagiarized passages of other people's writing. That's not surprising; it's not like the kind of places his...

Chuck Norris’ ‘Pastor’ Writes All of His Plagiarized Columns

Since your Wonkette cracked the case on Chuck Norris' hilariously poorly veiled plagiarism in his columns, the professional kicker's people have refused to talk to us, and his syndicate, which still feautures Norris on its website, has refused multiple...

Chuck Norris Commits Plagiarism In His Column All the Time

Yesterday, we were writing a joke about Chuck Norris copy-and-pasting other people's "information" into his column when we realized, yes, this is probably exactly what he did. We checked, and, what do you know, he did plagiarize parts of...

Chuck Norris Plagiarizes Hatred of Muslims

Like the time he single-handedly saved the Boy Scouts from Barack Obama's indifference, Chuck Norris only latches onto a conservative cause when they're facing dire straits and need somebody who can kick his way out of them. And now,...

Chuck Norris: Liberal Propaganda In Schools Causing Kids To Not Hate Gays

Why should liberals want to change the public educational system when it is turning out the product they have been striving for years to produce? Check out these real news headlines from the past several weeks and months about the...

Chuck Norris: Atheist National Park Service Sullying Founding Fathers

Chuck Norris has a personal pastor for all of his various organization, because, well, karate needs pastors, of course. But when that pastor visited Independence Hall in Philadelphia to learn about the religion of our nation's founding fathers, he...

Chuck Norris’ Money Priest Restores Christianity to Liberty Bell

As you know, Chuck Norris is so holy he needs a personal chaplain to keep himself bathed in the divine light of Jesus Christ/Charlton Heston at all times. But this pastor, Todd DuBord, also has another hobby: crusading...

CHOOSE YOUR OWN ADVENTURE: Chuck Norris Says Jan Brewer Is ‘Tougher’ Than Him

"Meanwhile back at the farm, or on the border, lone ranger Gov. Brewer commendably and courageously continues to lead a battalion of border-protection officials, on the one hand fighting the feds with state politicians and attorneys, and on the...

Obama Going On ‘The View’ Instead of Going To Boy Scout Thing

President Barack Obama will do just about anything to avoid his most important duties in office, which involve, as Chuck Norris pointed out, doing Boy Scout stuff. The latest chapter in Obama's conspiracy against America's boy industry is that...

Chuck Norris Is Hot On the Trail of Obama’s Boy Scout Conspiracy

Martial artist and famed Mike Huckabee supporter Chuck Norris has some sort of column on WorldNetDaily, and in the past few weeks he has exposed Barack Obama's secret hatred of the Boy Scouts. Obama, you see, refuses to acknowledge...