chuck hagel

You know that drunk uncle who arrives at your Thanksgiving meals to complain about how the messicans and my-NOR-AH-ties and homosessuals are ruining America, which was founded by White Manly Jesus on White Christian Values? If that uncle were a state, he would be Texas, the embarrassing wrinkly scrotum-skin of America, smelling like an odd […]

Happy Gayvember, everyone! How is the Pentagon defying G_d today? Per Stars and Stripes: Defense Secretary Chuck Hagel on Thursday sharply criticized U.S. states that are defying the Pentagon by refusing to allow National Guard facilities to issue ID cards that enable same-sex spouses of military members to claim benefits. “This is wrong,” Hagel said […]

Gays have it so easy, man. They can marry in 13 states, people – THIRTEEN! That’s as many as were originally in America when Jesus walked across the Atlantic Ocean to found this nation! And they can serve openly in the military, no longer having to fear being outed as they risk their lives in […]

Andrew Breitbart would be rolling over in his grave if he had ever given a good goddamn about things like “journalism” and “not making up terrorist groups that paid off Chuck Hagel.” Fortunately, those were not at the top or anywhere else on the list of things he cared about, so his corpse remains unmolested […]

Hey Americans! Do you like governance by snit? OF COURSE YOU DO. What country wouldn’t want its fate determined by petty grievances and your leaders generally acting like whiny little bitchcakes towards one another? We sure do love it! USA! So what is the latest crucial thing that is being blocked by someone having a […]

We do not know if the wingnuts are furious about the Chuck Hagel Sadtime Clown Face Hearings Hour, and how SNL cut it before air, probably because it was not funny. (We have just watched it; it was not funny.) We do not know if the wingnuts are furious, because Doktor Zoom is the only […]

Oh, WALNUTS. You are yelling again. YES OR NO. YES OR NO. I ASKED YOU A DIRECT QUESTION. YES OR NO. You’ve got to stop it. It is not good for your chakras.

Are you sick of hearing about Chuck Hagel? We are sick of hearing about Chuck Hagel too, but there are so many pearls of wisdom and hidden insights in this New York Times article about him that we cannot resist sharing it with you. For example: did you know that being a war hero does […]

Rick Santorum has some thoughts you guys, and apparently they are so important he cannot even save them for his “exclusive” gig at WND, columnizing alongside folks who think the Supreme Court Chief Justice should be impeached for swearing in whats-his-name, the black guy. Here are Rick Santorum’s babies of his brain: Obama’s nominee for […]

Dear lord we already have Hagel fatigue. We already had to pretend that the GOP suddenly cares about gay rights and therefore Hagel = root of all evil. We have to listen to John McCain concern troll the hell out of the nomination because he will never ever not be butthurt about losing to Bamz […]

Former Republican Senator and Obama’s Defense Secretary nominee Chuck Hagel may not be cut out for all this. And really, who is? Obviously, any Democrat the president might nominate would be persona non, because Barack Nobummer is being partisan by nominating Democrats. But any Republican the Kenyan usurper might nominate is also persona non, because […]

Citizens of WonkWorld, it is time for your … quarterly? sure, let’s go with quarterly … reminder that there is such a thing as the Log Cabin Republicans. (There is also another conservogay thing known as GOProud. Believe it or not, they are even easier to make fun of than the LCR, mostly because of […]

There is absolutely nothing President Bablack H. Obamblack can do to make the GOP happy. Putting forward the Heritage Foundation’s pro-business healthcare reform? SOCIALISMS. Proposing the Republican answer to climate change (from back when Republicans believed in climate change), “cap and trade”? The greatest takeover of private enterprise by government the WORLD HAS EVER KNOWN. […]

As we wait for the wicked nasty response ad about Rezko and Ayers that the McCain team is surely splicing together right now, let’s “read” some tea leaves: “CHICAGO – Barack Obama says he’s decided on a running mate, but he won’t say who. The Democratic presidential candidate told USA Today on Thursday that he […]

Thank you to Wonkette pamphlet operative “Taylor” for sending us this fantastic brochure from the Minneapolis Saint Paul 2008 Host Committee about the exciting upcoming convention. How rad will it be? Well if this pamphlet is any indication, John McCain will enter the arena with his seven children and two wives on a War Elephant […]