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Tag: chuck grassley

Good thing they all get to have health insurance

Ted Cruz To Cover His Family With Obamacare, THEN Kill It With Fire, Because He’s A Dick

It must be nice to be Ted Cruz. Sure, you have to actually be Ted Cruz, which sounds awful, but on the other hand, you get to be Ted Cruz. You can devote your entire life -- or, OK, the...
Still claims not to be Eric Holder, reportedly has not yet died of old age

Loretta Lynch Won’t Impeach Obama, Obviously Not Suitable Attorney General

Wednesday was the first day of Loretta Lynch's confirmation hearings before the Senate Judiciary Committee, and so far, it looks like Republicans may consider her too "nominated by Barack Obama" to be confirmed as attorney general. In a fairly basic...
Is he even Catholic?

New Pope On Boobs: Suck Em If You Got Em

How is un-American Marxist commie is-he-even-a-real-Catholic? New Pope destroying Western civilization today? Glad you asked. He's turning the Sistine Chapel into a hotbed of boobs, which definitely violates the laws of man, nature, common decency, and some other stuff,...
Hey, Mr. Governor, can you do me a solid? And can I call you Dad?

If Only Every Convicted Felon Had A Governor For A Dad, Huh?

Imagine you're in your early 20s, you live in Arkansas, and you get busted for possession of marijuana, with "intent to deliver." Maybe that means you're a dealer, or maybe it's just your turn to pick up a sack...

Louie Gohmert Has Million-Dollar Idea

Texas trailer hitch replica Louis Gohmert wants to get to the bottom of this IRS scandal so badly he’s willing to put the taxpayers’ money where his mouth is with a bill he introduced last week, the “Identify and Return...

Weird Tuesday Nice Time: Rand Paul, Ted Cruz Take Break From Being Dicks

We live in weird times, and we are not talking about just gay marijuana orgies in Colorado, because Sens. Rand Paul (R-KY) and Ted Cruz (R-TX) are joining Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) on her military sexual assault bill. According...

The Lonely Passion Of Chuck Grassley, Counting The Moments Until Obama Calls Again

Remember how when you were 14 years old and you were "dating" someone, which maybe meant that you sat next to each other at lunch because it was like 1982 and there was no such thing as obsessively texting...

GOP: Obama Court-Packing Or Fudge-Packing Or Something, Who Even Knows

Ugh, we can’t even. Fucking… OK, here we go. The new thing Republicans are saying: Nominating judges to fill vacancies on the DC Circuit Court is “court packing,” despite the fact that it is fucking not court packing, because...

Chuck Grassley’s Weary Cell Phone Turns Against Him (VIDEO)

Famous Senate coot Chuck Grassley has now forgotten how to operate his beleaguered cell phone beyond any function other than to beam nonsense to the Twitters. HOW DOES THE SILENCE BUTTON WORK, CONSARNIT? Let this be a warning to...

Chuck Grassley’s Got This Whole Secret Service Problem Covered, You Guys

Oh dear, Sen. Chuck Grassley snuck out the window again after lights-out, and now he's leading inquiries into the Secret Service sex scandal. Whatcha got so far, inspector? "Sen. Charles Grassley (R-Iowa) said the Colombia prostitutes at the center...

Noted Scholar ‘Chuck Grassley’s Twitter’ Calls Obama ‘Stupid’

Constituents askd why i am not outraged at PresO attack on supreme court independence. Bcause Am ppl r not stupid as this x prof of con law— ChuckGrassley (@ChuckGrassley) April 7, 2012 And so it was that Iowa senior Senator...

Senate Celebrates Spring Break With Free Love Festival of Bipartisan Votes

Check out the Senate, guys, they passed two whole major bills on Thursday! Don't look now, but the JOBS Act to reduce regulations on small businesses and the STOCK Act to prevent insider trading in Congress -- both already...

Chuck Grassley Learns Devastating Truth About The History Channel

Oh, dear. Grampa Cornpants is experiencing the senior's equivalent of discovering there's no Santa Claus: Learning that the History Channel is just a bunch of alien Nazi sweepstakes porn that instantly lobotomizes the viewer. Oh god, now Grassley's communications...

Hot Breaking Chuck Grassley Twitter Telephone Action

Sen. Chuck Grassley h s an iphone, you guys.

Spelling on Chuck Grassley’s Twitter Finally Improves After Being Hacked

WOAH HEY, how did an intelligible phrase sneak into the stream of notoriously incomprehensible re-imaginings of the English language that we are usually treated to on Senator Chuck Grassley's Twitter feed? Did science up and find a cure for...

Chuck Grassley To End Child Obesity By Ending Labor Laws For Fat Kids

Oh, goody! Senator Chuck Grassley has become the latest Republican non-healing ulcer to air his word salad "ideas" on child labor. With the help of palletfuls of billion dollar bills from unwitting taxpayers, Grassley's state of Iowa and its...