Tag: chuck grassley

Good job, asshole

Americans Want GOP To Do Its Damn Job, So That’ll Never Happen

Today, in No Frickin' Duh News, we bring you this exciting revelation. A totally not shocking in any way new poll shows the majority of Americans think the Senate's shit-sniffing Republicans should try earning their six-figure salaries for once, and...

Remember To Vote This November To Re-Elect Justice Scalia For President Of The Supreme Court

Check out the Republican Party, spreading a stinking pile of plucked-directly-from-their-buttcracks lies again. As per usual. This week's elephant dung is the myth that that The American People, not The American President Elected By The American People (TWICE!), have the God-given right to select justices...

Senate Republicans Quite Conflicted About Whether To Do Their Job

Oh, what an awkward spot of bother the Grand Old Party has found itself in. Again. Approximately one half second after the world learned of the sudden vacancy on the Supreme Court (and oh yeah, P.S., thoughts and prayers to Antonin...

RINO Chuck Grassley Picks SCOTUS Fight With Rightwing Chuck Grassley, Both Lose

Iowa Sen. Chuck Grassley has some very stern words for himself. Once upon a time, on Saturday, Grassley agreed with his fellow Republicans that the best way to honor fallen conservahero Antonin Scalia was to immediately tell President Obama to eff all...
But definitely not racist restrictions, racism is over.

Sen. Chuck Grassley: No Need To Fix Voting Rights Act, Blacks Already Vote Enough!

It was wonderful in 2013 when the Supreme Court finally decided that racism was over, and as a gesture of their goodwill, struck down Section 4 of the Voting Rights Act, the part that said states like Mississippi and...
Nothing is sacred anymore

NFL Hires A Girl, Ruins Football

Here's a tragedy for sportsball fans everywhere: The NFL officially hired Sarah Thomas as a line judge Wednesday, making her the league's first full-time female official. Thomas had been working as a college football referee for eight years in Conference...
Good thing they all get to have health insurance

Ted Cruz To Cover His Family With Obamacare, THEN Kill It With Fire, Because He’s A Dick

It must be nice to be Ted Cruz. Sure, you have to actually be Ted Cruz, which sounds awful, but on the other hand, you get to be Ted Cruz. You can devote your entire life -- or, OK, the...
Still claims not to be Eric Holder, reportedly has not yet died of old age

Loretta Lynch Won’t Impeach Obama, Obviously Not Suitable Attorney General

Wednesday was the first day of Loretta Lynch's confirmation hearings before the Senate Judiciary Committee, and so far, it looks like Republicans may consider her too "nominated by Barack Obama" to be confirmed as attorney general. In a fairly basic...
Is he even Catholic?

New Pope On Boobs: Suck Em If You Got Em

How is un-American Marxist commie is-he-even-a-real-Catholic? New Pope destroying Western civilization today? Glad you asked. He's turning the Sistine Chapel into a hotbed of boobs, which definitely violates the laws of man, nature, common decency, and some other stuff,...
Hey, Mr. Governor, can you do me a solid? And can I call you Dad?

If Only Every Convicted Felon Had A Governor For A Dad, Huh?

Imagine you're in your early 20s, you live in Arkansas, and you get busted for possession of marijuana, with "intent to deliver." Maybe that means you're a dealer, or maybe it's just your turn to pick up a sack...

Louie Gohmert Has Million-Dollar Idea

Texas trailer hitch replica Louis Gohmert wants to get to the bottom of this IRS scandal so badly he’s willing to put the taxpayers’ money where his mouth is with a bill he introduced last week, the “Identify and Return...

Weird Tuesday Nice Time: Rand Paul, Ted Cruz Take Break From Being Dicks

We live in weird times, and we are not talking about just gay marijuana orgies in Colorado, because Sens. Rand Paul (R-KY) and Ted Cruz (R-TX) are joining Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (D-NY) on her military sexual assault bill. According...

The Lonely Passion Of Chuck Grassley, Counting The Moments Until Obama Calls Again

Remember how when you were 14 years old and you were "dating" someone, which maybe meant that you sat next to each other at lunch because it was like 1982 and there was no such thing as obsessively texting...

GOP: Obama Court-Packing Or Fudge-Packing Or Something, Who Even Knows

Ugh, we can’t even. Fucking… OK, here we go. The new thing Republicans are saying: Nominating judges to fill vacancies on the DC Circuit Court is “court packing,” despite the fact that it is fucking not court packing, because...

Chuck Grassley’s Weary Cell Phone Turns Against Him (VIDEO)

Famous Senate coot Chuck Grassley has now forgotten how to operate his beleaguered cell phone beyond any function other than to beam nonsense to the Twitters. HOW DOES THE SILENCE BUTTON WORK, CONSARNIT? Let this be a warning to...

Chuck Grassley’s Got This Whole Secret Service Problem Covered, You Guys

Oh dear, Sen. Chuck Grassley snuck out the window again after lights-out, and now he's leading inquiries into the Secret Service sex scandal. Whatcha got so far, inspector? "Sen. Charles Grassley (R-Iowa) said the Colombia prostitutes at the center...