Tag Archives: chuck grassley

  our nation's greatest legislators

Spelling on Chuck Grassley’s Twitter Finally Improves After Being Hacked

WOAH HEY, how did an intelligible phrase sneak into the stream of notoriously incomprehensible re-imaginings of the English language that we are usually treated to on Senator Chuck Grassley’s Twitter feed? Did science up and find a cure for “teabagger?” Kind of! It’s known in this case as “hacking.” Read more on Spelling on Chuck Grassley’s Twitter Finally Improves After Being Hacked…
  talk about heavy farm equipment!

Chuck Grassley To End Child Obesity By Ending Labor Laws For Fat Kids

Oh, goody! Senator Chuck Grassley has become the latest Republican non-healing ulcer to air his word salad “ideas” on child labor. With the help of palletfuls of billion dollar bills from unwitting taxpayers, Grassley’s state of Iowa and its high-fructose corn syrup fields have been enfluffening America’s children for the past thirty years. But times have changed (recession, increasingly senile lawmakers, the end of decency, et cetera), and now Grassley wants these morbidly obese youths to shed weight by allowing them to work our nation’s farms without the feds whining and bitching about deadly pesticides and crippling machinery! CHILDHOOD OBESITY EPIDEMIC SOLVED!!! Read more on Chuck Grassley To End Child Obesity By Ending Labor Laws For Fat Kids… Read more on Chuck Grassley To End Child Obesity By Ending Labor Laws For Fat Kids…
  great legislative debates

GOP Says Real Issue With Gay Marriage Is It Costs Too Much

The Senate Judiciary Committee voted 10-8 today to advance a bill to repeal DOMA over Republican objections. Not just the usual “becuz Jesus no likey teh gheyz” objections, but for a novel new terrible reason: gay marriage will ruin Social Security! “No one has paid into the Social Security system expecting benefits to be paid to same sex partners,” argued crabass old John Cornyn. Logic whiz Patrick Leahy was then forced to step in and remind the Republicans that, uh, gay people are actually still human? And have always been paying into Social Security like everyone else. Read more on GOP Says Real Issue With Gay Marriage Is It Costs Too Much…
  your new presidential twatter

New Twitter User Barack Obama Not A Huge Fan Of His Job

Barry Obama from the Block finally got around to installing the Twitter application on his Blackberry this weekend, probably after John Boehner mocked him at their Golf Summit for running around without it. The president’s account to date has been filled with dry robot White House staffer tweets that made Chuck Grassley’s Twitter feed look like a Saturday night swinger marathon. Can you spice it up, hip Obamar? No, is the answer. “Being President is not as hard as being a father” was his first tweet. Nice one, most boring person on Twitter ever. We’re glad “body odor” can let everyone out there who is a parent know that it is harder than running the world. Could we have that job leading Earth, then? Obama also apparently likes that job better than being President, which, now our feelings are sort of hurt?  Read more on New Twitter User Barack Obama Not A Huge Fan Of His Job…
  dollar dollar signs y'all

Chuck Grassley Invents New Way To Cut Grass

What sort of important legislator stuff has your senior senator been up to lately, Iowa? He’s been mowing his lawn. That’s almost as cool as killing Osama bin Laden! Grassley would like you to know he’s come up with an incredible innovation: He’s stuck two push mowers he had lying around to the back of his riding lawnmower so he can cover slightly more ground in each pass. We’ve looked up this ad he’s talking about, and this lawnmower contraption may be the stupidest thing we’ve ever seen. Read more on Chuck Grassley Invents New Way To Cut Grass…
  profiles in twitter courage

Chuck Grassley Doesn’t Mince Words: Blames NATO In Libya For ‘Legles Kiod’

Is this the tweet that turns the tide of American public opinion on the war on Libya? Chuck Grassley has some tough talk for NATO. It has blood on it hand, he says. For every legles kiod. Because that’s what clusters do folks: legles kiod. And he’s not afraid to say it. If he has to stand alone against’stiminidity, so be it. Read more on Chuck Grassley Doesn’t Mince Words: Blames NATO In Libya For ‘Legles Kiod’…
  the preteen senator

Chuck Grassley Tells Us All To ‘Quit Complaining’ About His Twitter

Oh no. This is like an effeminite kid telling YouTube not to call him gay. Look what everybody did on Twitter! We upset Chuck Grassley. No, the Twitter character limit is not 120, it’s 140. And no, it’s not explained why Grassley needs to shorten the word “about” here when his message is less than 100 characters, or why he feels the need to capitalize “but,” or why he doesn’t use any punctuation. Old man Grassley was using proper English when your parents hadn’t even been born yet, so LAY OFF. Read more on Chuck Grassley Tells Us All To ‘Quit Complaining’ About His Twitter…
  socse socse socse city!

Chuck Grassley Has ‘Peeps'; Chuck Grassley Has ‘Personal Problems’

Chuck Grassley comes home. Chuck Grassley sees his peeps, but his peeps don’t see him. They only see his power and his money. He’s got problems too, you know. Life’s not all hos and blow. Life’s not his videos. SocSecity seldom does, and farm bill came. Chuck Grassley can never come home. [Twitter] Read more on Chuck Grassley Has ‘Peeps'; Chuck Grassley Has ‘Personal Problems’…
  jumpin' fried pork tenderloin sandwich!

Chuck Grassley Startled By Big ‘Nrg’

Did everyone hear that ITC of CedrRapids had their employes? They did. Chuck Grassley was there. What else did he see? Why, a giant Nrg! You don’t come across a lot of those in Cedar Rapids, let your editor tell you. Not exactly the most diverse place. Read more on Chuck Grassley Startled By Big ‘Nrg’…
  but can he feeeeeel?

Twitter Has Officially Turned Chuck Grassley Into a Robot

All joking aside, we used to be able to understand at least one of the things Chuck Grassley was trying to say in his tweets. Now, we are pretty sure he is just some kind of robot. Is this some kind of incomprehensible spam? Is it instructions to animals or fellow machines that humans simply can’t understand? More importantly, how does this man manage to speak full sentences, in English, on the Senate floor when this is how his brain organizes information? Even the pre-est of the pre-teens do not understand what this crap is. Read more on Twitter Has Officially Turned Chuck Grassley Into a Robot…
  iron curtain covers the glory hole

Chuck Grassley Celebrates Steel By Showing Off His Erection Grime

Wow, there is a lot here. So it is “Steel Day” today in Iowa, according to Chuck Grassley, though there are no results for such an “event” on Google. If we are to believe Grassley, all Iowans know the best way to celebrate your pride in this important hard metal is to whip out your boner in public. But Chuck Grassley’s annual steel boner is particularly special, because it has over 77 years’ worth of grime built up on it. Yes, you are permitted to vomit about this, but only in a steel bucket. A receptacle of any other alloy is disrespectful to Steel Day. Read more on Chuck Grassley Celebrates Steel By Showing Off His Erection Grime…
  so now don't be surprised when he texts pixx of his dick iowa

Chuck Grassley Reassures Iowa Olds About His Twitter Habits

What is this ad even about? Is he viciously making fun of old people for not understanding technology, and thus showing the youngs how hip he is? Is he sincerely trying to make the olds not be so scared of his Twitter account and its violent “urban” slang? Who is that man wearing black at the 0:17 mark? It looks like either Tony Blair or Ned Lamont, but since when do they live in gay Iowa? This is all so confusing, and we end up feeling exactly like the olds at the beginning. [YouTube] Read more on Chuck Grassley Reassures Iowa Olds About His Twitter Habits…