Tag Archives: chuck grassley

  the preteen senator

Chuck Grassley Tells Us All To ‘Quit Complaining’ About His Twitter

Oh no. This is like an effeminite kid telling YouTube not to call him gay. Look what everybody did on Twitter! We upset Chuck Grassley. No, the Twitter character limit is not 120, it’s 140. And no, it’s not explained why Grassley needs to shorten the word “about” here when his message is less than 100 characters, or why he feels the need to capitalize “but,” or why he doesn’t use any punctuation. Old man Grassley was using proper English when your parents hadn’t even been born yet, so LAY OFF. Read more on Chuck Grassley Tells Us All To ‘Quit Complaining’ About His Twitter…
  socse socse socse city!

Chuck Grassley Has ‘Peeps'; Chuck Grassley Has ‘Personal Problems’

Chuck Grassley comes home. Chuck Grassley sees his peeps, but his peeps don’t see him. They only see his power and his money. He’s got problems too, you know. Life’s not all hos and blow. Life’s not his videos. SocSecity seldom does, and farm bill came. Chuck Grassley can never come home. [Twitter] Read more on Chuck Grassley Has ‘Peeps'; Chuck Grassley Has ‘Personal Problems’…
  jumpin' fried pork tenderloin sandwich!

Chuck Grassley Startled By Big ‘Nrg’

Did everyone hear that ITC of CedrRapids had their employes? They did. Chuck Grassley was there. What else did he see? Why, a giant Nrg! You don’t come across a lot of those in Cedar Rapids, let your editor tell you. Not exactly the most diverse place. Read more on Chuck Grassley Startled By Big ‘Nrg’…
  but can he feeeeeel?

Twitter Has Officially Turned Chuck Grassley Into a Robot

All joking aside, we used to be able to understand at least one of the things Chuck Grassley was trying to say in his tweets. Now, we are pretty sure he is just some kind of robot. Is this some kind of incomprehensible spam? Is it instructions to animals or fellow machines that humans simply can’t understand? More importantly, how does this man manage to speak full sentences, in English, on the Senate floor when this is how his brain organizes information? Even the pre-est of the pre-teens do not understand what this crap is. Read more on Twitter Has Officially Turned Chuck Grassley Into a Robot…
  iron curtain covers the glory hole

Chuck Grassley Celebrates Steel By Showing Off His Erection Grime

Wow, there is a lot here. So it is “Steel Day” today in Iowa, according to Chuck Grassley, though there are no results for such an “event” on Google. If we are to believe Grassley, all Iowans know the best way to celebrate your pride in this important hard metal is to whip out your boner in public. But Chuck Grassley’s annual steel boner is particularly special, because it has over 77 years’ worth of grime built up on it. Yes, you are permitted to vomit about this, but only in a steel bucket. A receptacle of any other alloy is disrespectful to Steel Day. Read more on Chuck Grassley Celebrates Steel By Showing Off His Erection Grime…
  so now don't be surprised when he texts pixx of his dick iowa

Chuck Grassley Reassures Iowa Olds About His Twitter Habits

What is this ad even about? Is he viciously making fun of old people for not understanding technology, and thus showing the youngs how hip he is? Is he sincerely trying to make the olds not be so scared of his Twitter account and its violent “urban” slang? Who is that man wearing black at the 0:17 mark? It looks like either Tony Blair or Ned Lamont, but since when do they live in gay Iowa? This is all so confusing, and we end up feeling exactly like the olds at the beginning. [YouTube] Read more on Chuck Grassley Reassures Iowa Olds About His Twitter Habits…
  drugs and twitter will ruin your life

Chuck Grassley’s Manic Twitter Behavior Is Ruining His Marriage

We all know what happens when Chuck Grassley isn’t sleeping or unconscious: He uploads, uh, “bytes” to his Twitter Page. Mrs. Barbara Grassley has had enough. But every time she asks her husband politely, “Don’t you think you’ve done enough of that Twitter stuff for one day? Also, what does ‘doRITE’ even mean?” he just freaks out and screams “I’m no NAIL!” which is true but hardly the point. This went on for years, until Barbara caught Chuck “tweeting” like a dumbass during church, and that’s when she realized it was time to tell an Iowa newspaper that Chuck Grassley is a weirdo and has issues. Read more on Chuck Grassley’s Manic Twitter Behavior Is Ruining His Marriage…
  the science of smut

Chuck Grassley Verrrry Interested In This Whole ‘Pornography’ Business

You know what keeps Chuck Grassley up at night? Pornography! Specifically, the thought that someone, somewhere, within the vast National Science Foundation bureaucracy, is using a computer and Internet connection purchased with tax, dollars paid by hard-working Americans, to find and view pictures of comely young men or women — perhaps not wearing clothes, perhaps even engaging in erotic congress with one another. Worse, these nefarious scientists might engage in the sin of Onan, while peering intently at the perverse images. Can you imagine what this would mean for the Republic? Bad things, that’s what! Grassley’s made progress in his efforts to defeat this scourge; after the jump, find out what desperate lengths the few remaining NSF perverts have gone to. Read more on Chuck Grassley Verrrry Interested In This Whole ‘Pornography’ Business…
  that'll show 'em

SOMEONE’S GOT SENIORITIS REAL BAD: Oh, hey, check out who was one of the two Senate Democrats who didn’t bother showing up for last night’s financial reform vote! HA HA VOTING ON THINGS IS FOR PEOPLE WHO GIVE A SHIT (and haven’t had their hearts broken by a fickle electorate, boo hoo). The other Dem absentee was Robert Byrd, who may well have died weeks ago for all we know. Specter’s surly, petulant absence required who knows what last-minute desperate promises to Chuck Grassley, the only non-New England Republican to vote for the bill. (A ban on criticism of Twitter misspellings? Sure, let’s say that.) UPDATE: Smarty-pants commentor “rafflesinc” points out that Specter and Byrd were there for the cloture vote, which Grassley voted against. Christ, the Senate is confusing. I suppose the two of them just decided that since passage was assured they’d just go out behind the Capitol and do lines of Dutch Cleanser off the sidewalk. [NYT] Read more on …
  porn derivatives

Financial Collapse Transvestite-Porn Scandal Finally the Biggest Story In America

The funniest scandal of the Great Depression 2008-201? was this SEC guy fapping furiously to a transvestite porn site at work while the Wall Street/America/Earth money scam was collapsing, in August 2008. In one three-week stretch, this unnamed Securities and Exchange Commission guy employed to police the nation’s financial system went to porno sites 1,880 times. Too much? Don’t judge! And now another 30 SEC employees — including senior officials earning up to $222,000 a year — have been investigated in this federal tranny-porn inquiry. How is this Chuck Grassley’s fault? Read more on Financial Collapse Transvestite-Porn Scandal Finally the Biggest Story In America…
  grampa cornpants

HAHAHAHA WELL LOOK AT THAT: The Republicans’ “chief health care negotiator,” Sen. Chuck Grassley of Twitter fame, is already taking credit for things in the evil health care bill: “Sen. Chuck Grassley, ranking member of the Committee on Finance, with jurisdiction over taxes, has worked to hold tax-exempt hospitals accountable for the federal tax benefits they receive. The health care legislation signed into law yesterday includes provisions Grassley co-authored to impose standards for the tax exemption of charitable hospitals for the first time.” But but but aren’t Republicans going to repeal this bill like they promised?? [TPM] Read more on …
  grampa cornpants

Chuck Grassley Says ‘Tit’ And Here’s A Post About It

Oh god, we’re dangerously close to reaching Peak Grassley here. This man was born to use the expression “living off the public tit” on television at least once in his desperate, confusing life. Now he should rest in his corn fields for a bit, while we wait for the day. [Think Progress] Read more on Chuck Grassley Says ‘Tit’ And Here’s A Post About It…
  grampa cornpants

Better Yet, Chuck Grassley, Why Isn’t O.J. Simpson In Guantanamo Right Now?

We haven’t been hearing much from everyone’s favorite wacky Iowan coot, Senator Chuck Grassley, ever since the Senate Finance Committee passed its health care bill without any help or input whatsoever from the “chief Republican negotiator,” who was busy bottoming out. So today your sentimental editor went to the YouTube and searched “grassley” in the off-chance he’d been up to anything recently. First result, boom. [YouTube] Read more on Better Yet, Chuck Grassley, Why Isn’t O.J. Simpson In Guantanamo Right Now?…
  wagg the bog

Barack Obama Tolerates Too Much, And What Mortal Could Match The Splendor That Is Ronald Reagan?

Gee whiz, not even plague-ridden rodents phase BARACK OBAMA! It’s true: Once upon a time young Barry Obama was talking on the telephone — as Chicago lawyers often do — when quite out of nowhere a grimy rat scurried across the floor and climbed up his leg. TONY REZKO had threatened to unleash the rats if the rent was ever late, but Barry thought he was just joshing and so did Barry’s law partner BILL AYERS, who feared all species of vermin and instinctively jumped out the window. But Obama? Obama was cool as a cucumber, and offered the rat a smoke … Read more on Barack Obama Tolerates Too Much, And What Mortal Could Match The Splendor That Is Ronald Reagan?…
  the world's greatest deliberative body

Our Long National Nightmare… Will Now Be Merged With Another Senate Bill, Debated On The Senate Floor, Voted On, Merged With An Also-Debated/Merged House Bill In Conference, Voted On In Both Houses…

AHHHH. 14-9. So long, terrible Senate Finance Committee! Back to your cornfields, Grassley! Back to your barbwired condo in Hell, Baucus! Back to whatever there is in Wyoming, Enzi! HAHAHAHH– oh god, they have to draft and pass a climate change bill too, don’t they? RATS. As far as health care goes, though: congratulations! Now, after eight months, our beloved bicameral legislature can move on to Step 2. “Step 2,” hopefully, is where they make it a not-shitty bill. This task belongs to… Harry Reid! NEAT. [YouTube, Washington Post] Read more on Our Long National Nightmare… Will Now Be Merged With Another Senate Bill, Debated On The Senate Floor, Voted On, Merged With An Also-Debated/Merged House Bill In Conference, Voted On In Both Houses……
  wagg the bog

Chuck Grassley Lost A Limb At Antietam, And Sanjay Insists Anderson Cooper Has The Seven Signs Of The Aporkalypse

In the name of Her Majesty and the Continental Congress! According to some sort of ‘Save Glenn Beck’ online petition, Americans overwhelmingly chose WALMART as the symbol of our great Union! Other popular symbols that didn’t make the cut: a bald eagle clenching a Kenyan birth certificate with its razor-sharp talons, LYNNDIE ENGLAND pointing at at pyramid of naked LOLCATS, and the piano box casket … Read more on Chuck Grassley Lost A Limb At Antietam, And Sanjay Insists Anderson Cooper Has The Seven Signs Of The Aporkalypse…
  grampa cornpants

Best Chuck Grassley Twitter Ever

Oh ho ho, a little feedback! Eh, we’ll just make fun of you, instead of complaining to the corporation Twitter. Smooth move with the “bytes” though… Hey wait a minute! Aren’t you supposed to be voting on any number of public options right now, for your JOB? [Chuck Grassley’s Twitter] Read more on Best Chuck Grassley Twitter Ever…
  grampa cornpants

Chuck Grassley, Children Are Reading This Nonsense!

Uh oh, our beloved friend Chuck Grassley snuck into the Twitter machine again, and would you look at this! And don’t give us that “Oh you can only use 140 characters on dumb fucking Twitter” rigmarole. The man simply does not know how to spell “school” and simply does not care for the learning of said spelling. [Chuck Grassley’s Twitter via operative “Tim H.”] Read more on Chuck Grassley, Children Are Reading This Nonsense!…
  children's guessing games

Let’s All Guess Who Will Get Ted Kennedy’s Ballin’ Office

Ted Kennedy’s been dead for what, a decade or so, in Kennedy-zeitgeist years? It is high time America’s other Senators begin tactlessly speculating about who will get his ritzy deluxe Capitol Building office! Here are the specs: third floor, the Capitol Building, Mall views, “a rustic coffee table that appeared to be hewn out of the old deck of a sailboat,” etc. etc. “It sounds pretty,” said Alabama Senator Richard Selby. First, that coffee table thing actually sounds a bit kitschy. And second, hey, fuck you Richard Selby, show some RESPECT. That office belongs to Ted Kennedy’s ghost until Senate Rules Committee chairman Chuck Schumer gives it to someone else… But WHOM? Read more on Let’s All Guess Who Will Get Ted Kennedy’s Ballin’ Office…