We’re a day late to this one and have no time for long, meandering first paragraphs about nothing. Here’s the deal: The Politico has written a pornographic feature about how it wants to fuck Peter Orszag, Grover Norquist, Christopher Hitchens, Chuck Todd, Rahm Emanuel, Eric Cantor, and Dr. Congressman Ron Paul, in that order, maybe. MORE »

Marcus “Black-Chop” Epstein (someone come up with a better nickname!), seen here with drunk popinjay Christopher Hitchens at one of Reason magazine’s monthly medieval blood orgies, will not enroll at UVA law school this fall, according to the university’s Dean of Admissions in reply to queries from TPM and, more reliably, a Wonkette commenter. And what’s this! And this! [TPM]

One is not born an enemy of Christopher Hitchens, one becomes one. Take the nascent case of a one Adrian Wooldridge, who’s parading around town with his new book, God Is Back, all about how God is back! Adrian Wooldridge has a world of Slate columns originally scribbled in pink highlighter on Andrew Sullivan’s bathroom floor tiles coming his way. Sad. MORE »

Life in DC was exciting for about two and a half seconds when Brad Pitt visited in order to make out with Nancy Pelosi in her private chambers. Oh and then Richard Gere popped by also, which nobody cared about so much. Has Richard Gere been in a movie where he shows his admirable lack of vanity by starting out all gross and warty and gradually aging into a beautiful young specimen of flesh? Nope. Anyway, in lieu of Pitt sightings we bring you word of such handsome hunks as Trent Lott, Jonathan Martin, Patrick Leahy, and Christopher Hitchens.

When you go to your local Harris Teeter do *you* see somebody who looks vaguely familiar, and there you are racking your brains wondering if you should say hello or not, and then you remember you saw them on “Hardball” talking about agricultural subsidies? Send us word of these life-changing events! Write to tips@wonkette.com with the subject line “Wonk’d.” MORE »

Let’s see what the boys at the Atlantic have cooked up for us this month, in the magazine’s March issue. There’s war, and the economy, and Christianity—timeless subjects, all! There’s also Christopher Hitchens, trying to one-up Adam Gopnik the only way he knows how: by writing disparaging remarks in Sharpie on his face. MORE »

Here’s some Hot International Gossip that’s just weird enough to be true, because it’s about Christopher Hitchens drinking while on assignment in some Foreign Land, so it’s already 100% credible: The beloved Washington journalist was supposedly out for a night of boozing in Beirut when he chanced upon a political propaganda poster from the not-so-beloved Syrian Social Nationalist Party, the right-wing turned left-wing turned pain-in-the-ass Syrians always fucking around with Lebanon. Obviously, Hitchens needed to deface this poster, while some SSNP thugs were watching from across the street. MORE »

Here it is, the ultimate Andrew Sullivan “Daily Dish,” about vomiting in Christopher Hitchens’ bathroom, which is, of course, symbolic. Thanks to Serolf Divad for sharing. [Andrew Sullivan]

You know who’s having a doggone humdinger of an Inauguration weekend is that Christopher Hitchens, the ex-Trotskyist drink-soaked popinjay war columnist for Slate, Vanity Fair… wherever else! The Internet is awash with stories of his shenanigans this weekend, including a sexy kiss with fellow British anger bear Andrew Sullivan at the Slate party and some hip-hop dancing at the party for Slate’s black people website, The Root! THE GUY’S A MANIAC. MORE »

TPM’s excited about this clip, claiming that Salon’s Joan Walsh lays a “smackdown” on Christopher Hitchens… we don’t really see that? It’s just the drunk anger troll pissing off the nice lady. Ha ha, it is amazing how much Christopher Hitchens hates the Clintons. He hates them more than Andrew Sullivan does. Here’s the full clip, in which Christopher Hitchens mentions at least 500 other foreign business ties of the Clintons, and Joan Walsh occasionally chimes in to say “Christopher how could you say that!” [TPM, MSNBC]

Necktie-free boozebag Christopher Hitchens does not like the idea of Hillary Clinton getting her grubby little paws all over America’s foreign policy. Meanwhile, Peter Beinart just shouts and shouts. Why so shouty, Peter? Be sure to watch till the end, when Hitchens’ hair wanders off his scalp and crawls away looking for a cheeseburger. [MSNBC]

You can almost hear his melodious English grumble as he fusses with his morning oatmeal and coffee, and finds the wine-stained post-it note stuck haphazardly on his laptop screen: “OBAMA ENDORSE, SLATE.” Well, then, let’s get on with it — before some clumsy mental midget like Jonah Goldberg beats you to it, old salt. Christ knows all the big names have already done so …. MORE »