Still haven’t bought your special someone a Christmas gift? Well let salesman Dennis Kucinich make you v. v. special offer: For only $219.95, Dennis Kucinich sell you “a Palm Beach County voting machine from the 2000 election ‘containing actual chads,’ with a ‘replica butterfly ballot’ and a letter signed by Kucinich proclaiming ‘the stolen presidential election of 2000,’” to quote Gannett News. Very good price, my friend. MORE »

There is pretty much nothing sacred to a lobbyist, except his or her own paycheck, Christmas included. And so it is that lobbyists are using Christmas (and its trees) to try to force through long-coveted legislation in the final days of December/the 2007 legislative session.

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The National Republican Senatorial Committee (NRSC) is trying to get more support for next year’s elections with this play on that famous song, “Twelve Days of Christmas,” or whatever it’s called. Go ahead and watch. We’ll wait. [Pause]. OK SORRY! We knew it was bad and we made you watch anyway. Again, sorry. But yeah, still, basic point: The Republicans are going to lose everything next year by like 20 million points. [YouTube]

God, I miss fat Huckabee so much. I want Huckabee to get fat again for Christmas. And for the first time in my life, I regret not living in Arkansas. You’d see shit like this all the time! At least like eight years ago. [via National Journal]

Today, Congress is earning its keep exactly as the Founding Fathers intended: by saying Christmas is kinduva big deal. Iowa congressman Steve King — famous for hating poor, sick children — is introducing House Resolution 847, which officially will recognize “the importance of Christmas and the Christian faith.” Take that, teh Iraqz and health care crises of the world! Full text of the resolution, after the jump. MORE »

OK everyone, Wonkette is taking the rest of the afternoon off, so you’re free to stop reloading our homepage and go shopping for Christmas or the Jewish thing. (Unless, of course, you went to J.C. Penney at 4 a.m. and are already done.) Just remember: You can buy that Nintendo Wii for your child, or you can buy 20 phones for John McCain. WWJD?

Hey, parents! Christmas, Hanukkah and the African thing are all rapidly approaching, and you probably missed out on the Chinese roofies that retail experts had been calling the “Power Ranger dolls of 2007.” But don’t worry, because like most Chinese-made destructobots, you can now find all of our overlords’ toys (and maybe FINALLY that Tickle Me Elmo shit after years of searching) on these very Interwebs. MORE »

Conservative thingy WorldNetDaily.com is launching the anti-War on Christmas extra early this year, lest “the American Civil Liberties Union grinches” kidnap and neuter Santa Claus while his minions aren’t watching. Its website hosts an exclusive store for atheist-repelling paraphernalia. Among the items are a magnetic bumper sticker, a magnetic bumper sticker, an “auto magnet,” a magnetic bumper sticker, a Jesus bracelet and a magnetic bumper sticker. Those are all of the items, in fact, but inflatable green-and-red Bill O’Reilly fuckdolls should be available November 1. Because if they aren’t, Jesus will be retroactively unborn.

Christmas-defense kit [WorldNetDaily]

Godless liberals have declared war on Boxing Day, the beloved post-Christmas hangover celebrated in the UK and all the colonies that were too lazy to take up arms against them. In Canada, Boxing Day is a day of charity… and great savings! Stores across the frozen north open their doors and slash their prices, and everyone in Canada briefly forgets the unceasing misery of their gray, bland lives.

But some guys don’t like to help Canadians shop the pain away. Some guys forget that Canada is a Christian Nation, and Christian Nations know a deal when they see one.

Learn about these Boxing Day Warriors, after the jump.

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Totally reasonable and well-respected “Christian Libertarian” philosopher Vox Day lays out the case for the existence of an “unholy alliance of Jews, atheists and African-American Marxists waging war on the Christmas holiday.” MORE »