BLAST YOU JIM McGREEVEY. Once upon a time the former governor of New Jersey was so funny, with his exotic “gay American” ethnicity and his alleged sexyhot TGI Friday’s Three-for-Alls with his wife and another dude. But now he is just some nice seminary student trying to help ex-cons re-enter the workforce, and you can’t really wring a lot of comedy out of that. Read the interview anyway! He seems like a nice man! Nicer than shitty old Jon Corzine. [Inside Jersey Magazine]

If we are to believe recent news reports, the C Street clubhouse hosts many dudes — okay, two or three dudes — who at one time or another found comfort in the arms of ladies who were not their wives. But wait! Wasn’t this a Bible study group or something, in addition to being a Capitol Hill boarding house for adulterers? Yes — which might explain the wildly hedonist shenanigans that took place in that den of foulness, according to Rep. Pete Hoekstra. MORE »

Some self-hating-queer wingnut who runs some bullshit thing called “Morality In Media” released this clarifying statement today, after blaming the current American murder-suicide spree on the gay rights movement: “It most certainly is not my intention to blame the epidemic of mass murders on the gay rights movement!” Certainly! [Christian News Wire]

These supposed Christians made a mockery of their faith in October, when they cavorted about this golden idol of mammon, the Molten Calf of Wall Street, because obviously the best way to head off a global recession is to sing God Bless America to a statue of an animal. What has happened since these idolaters demanded that Jesus fix the stock markets? MORE »

Good news, atheists: The mythological “Rapture” appears to be happening, in America! But it’s happening very, very slowly: While the United States was 86% Christian less than two decades ago, in 1990, last year that percentage fell to 76%. And a full 15% of Americans now say they are not religious at all — nearly double the percentage of godless heathens since 1990. Socialist pagan Barack Obama plans to accelerate this trend by putting Rick Warren on national teevee at least once a year, so that people having second thoughts about this whole religion thing will look at this fat turd and then quickly dump their bibles in the incinerator. [FoxNews]

Barack Obama is now officially bigger than Jesus, according to a new Harris poll — that’s right, a new study proves it! The survey, conducted last month in the United States, asked Americans to name their heroes. President Obama was the clear leader, easily beating the long-dead “Jesus” of christian mythology. Yes we can! MORE »

Did you know that some Christian dingbat has dubbed today the “Day of Prayer for the World’s Economies?” Well here they are, at the Wall Street bull statue thing, praying to Jesus for money. The dingbat has explained, “We are going to intercede at the site of the statue of the bull on Wall Street to ask God to begin a shift from the bull and bear markets to what we feel will be the ‘Lion’s Market,’ or God’s control over the economic systems.” Don’t they know that God taking over the economic systems would be SOCIALISM from SPACE? Also: God will be very mad that they are worshiping a bronze idol here, since his second commandment PROHIBITS THAT, duh? Thank you Wonkette operative “Dan the Man” for the sexy photo. [CBN]
UPDATE: We have more terrifying photos of this idolatry, plus frightening video!

The proudly ignorant baby farmer and bold anti-flourescent light crusader Michele Bachmann, Congresswoman from Minnesota, has been horribly victimized by the liberal left-wing anti-American attack machine. All these crazy leftists have been watching this Hardball interview she gave last week and reading the transcript of the interview, and, based on this publicly accessible and quickly verifiable information, reaching easily supportable conclusions! Well she’s had about enough of this nonsense. MORE »

Mike Huckabee was one of the best failed presidential candidates in the world: from his kinky public sex hijinks with his frightening wife, to his comical insistence on staying in the primary race because he went to the College of God instead of the College of Maths, and also that time he fucked a squirrel on Arkansas public television. What wonderful things will he say tonight, at the Republican National Convention, in order to make John McCain regret not picking the other pleasant wingnut Christian governor from a state of tattooed alcoholic rednecks? MORE »

Tree-destroying imperial corporation Hallmark recently decided to start selling same-sex wedding cards, because that’s something you can do in all of two (2) states now. In other words, the Hallmark company has just literally taken a piss on Jesus Christ’s tomb thingy. And guess who’s upset, yes, that’s correct, the mouth-breathing Fundies at the American Family Association, whose recent “Boycott McDonald’s” initiative produced some of the finest comedy in the history of the Internet. They have a petition site up now directed at Hallmark. “BoycottHallmark.com” doesn’t currently exist, but the AFA has bought the domain name and when it launches, PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GOD let there be a comments section. [AFA, Examiner, Think Progress]

Oh good gravy there is a special election event at the world-famous giant suburban church somewhere. Let us pray about our purpose-driven liveblogging, which could happen, IF THE LORD WILZ IT. Oh it’s starting maybe, let’s find out if it’s on teevee, and who will be president of 22,000 bored people in “Lake Forest, California,” where there’s no lake and no forest. MORE »