christians
Kentucky Governor Race Now Suddenly About Secret Hindu Rituals
Kentucky GOP candidate for governor David Williams is behind Democratic incumbent Steve Beshear by several million points in the polls, which means the only thing sad dingus David Williams can do all day long at this point is stare glumly at his Steve Beshear Google Alert list trying to find banal news items he can [...]
Alabama Christian Doesn’t Care To Read The Word ‘Mexican’ In Her Paper
Given the medieval new anti-furriner laws in Alabama criminalizing even the air that circulates complacently through an illegal immigrant’s lungs, it is maybe not surprising that some of Alabama’s more boneheaded fearful legal citizens are afraid the Thought Police (Jesus?) will come after them for so much as thinking that some of its brown people [...]
Wingnut Broken Record: God Letting Tornadoes Happen Because He Hates Abortion, Gays, What Have You
Faith 2 Action was last seen attempting to get a fetus to testify before the Ohio legislature, but it refused to cooperate. It was an aborted attempt, you could say, har har har. They still haven’t had any creative ideas since then: Is God trying to get our attention? The worst tornado outbreak in American [...]
One of Michele Bachmann’s 10,000 Children Refuses To Pose For Playgirl
Playgirl is still alive somehow. And we guess it’s because it does stuff like this: finding Michele Bachmann’s 28-year-old son and asking him to pose nude in their publication, for publicity. He said no, of course. But considering Bachmann has five children and has foster-parented 23 others, something she brags about on the campaign trail, [...]
Fundamentalist Christians Are All Obese, According To Science
Well, here’s a shocker: America’s most deluded religious group, the fundamentalist Christians, “are 50 percent more likely to turn into obese middle-agers as those with no religious involvement.” Being dumb and poor and racist and homophobic apparently wasn’t enough for Jeebus’ true children here in America — now they’re doomed to fatness, too. Again, this [...]
Chick-Fil-A Hates Gays
Have you wondered what in hell a “Chick-Fil-A” might be? It’s a company that sells a form of chicken anus on a stick, we think, and this same company helps the anti-homosexual fanatics by feeding them these McNuggetz, so they will die soon and no longer harass people. Something like that, we don’t care: Lambert [...]
Gabrielle Giffords Has Won God’s Prayer Sweepstakes, According To Fox
“Nearly 8 in 10 American voters say they believe prayers helped Arizona Rep. Gabrielle Giffords survive the Tucson shooting, according to a Fox News poll released Thursday.” Well, there you have it. We now know why Giffords has made such an amazing recovery: She was a popular subject of prayers, and if there’s one thing [...]
Delaware Witch O’Donnell Casts Masturbation Spell On Values Voters
Vengeful mobs of Real Americans converged on DC this past weekend to enjoy the all-you-can-eat Freedom & Diabetes buffet at the Values Voter Summit. Even Christine O’Donnell stopped by to pout for money and talk about how her “love affair with liberty isn’t tame, but boy is it good” — cruel verbal foreplay that made [...]
A Children’s Treasury Of Christine O’Donnell’s Website Content
The pocket pinball-playin’ elitists from the Soros blogosphere claim that Christine O’Donnell’s fancy website has no content, just a little button for donating your life savings to her brave campaign. Wrong! There’s plenty of content, you just need to “screen capture” it before it is deleted.
AFA: Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter Need To Hurry Up and Hate Gays Again
Glenn Beck and Ann Coulter have surprised people lately, by seeming to be pretty tolerant of the gays. But don’t expect that tolerance to get past the Jesus fishes at the American Family Association! These teevee pundits have gone “AWOL in the culture war,” going from “sexually normal” soldiers for Christendom to veritable illegally gay [...]
Why Does Europe Hate American Freedom Christ?
Most Americans correctly believe that the Christ-child was born 400 years ago in a shitty barn behind Jethro’s Dogfight Shack in Arkansatucky, Missibama. Lo, betwixt her mighty labor pains, his unwed 14-year-old mother (who was just a little bit older than the average first-time mama in today’s South) said to her 20-year-old pervert fiance, “Um, [...]
Giant Statue of Jesus Bombed From Space By Real Jesus (Thor)
A six-story-tall statue of Jesus’ torso known as “Big Butter Jesus” and/or “Touchdown Jesus” — because what is wrong with people? — was struck by lightning and burned to the ground last night. The vulgar landmark was built in 2004 outside some mall church in the outskirts of Cincinnati. “It was made of plastic foam [...]
America’s Churches Will Shut Down Because ‘Young Adults’ Don’t Ever Go To Church
A fun new study by that Pew Research group finds that only 65% of “millennials” (young adults) consider themselves to be Christian, and only half of the alleged Christians even understand the central tenet of the religion: That the Jesus character is the only way to be “saved” by God, the purported “second daddy” of [...]
‘They Started It:’ The Best Justification For Holy War In Ten Years
Yes! This should be our only offered reason for any of the nine or ten million profound foundational fuckups currently blowtorching the country into a real-life cartoon of death: “They started it!” As in, we’ll put whatever Jeebus codes we wants on our Muslin-Exterminating Freedom Guns, because “they started it,” the Holy War formerly known [...]
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