Tag: christians

Jason Chaffetz’s Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Town Hall!

Couldn't have happened to a slimier bastard.

Donald Trump Grabs National Prayer Breakfast By The Pussy

Trump spent his time at the breakfast telling everybody how much Arnold Schwarzenegger sucks. Totally normal.
Thou hast in thy skull no more brain than I have in mine elbows.

Deleted Comments: You Secular Porn Addicts Are Destroying America And Have Never Read Shakespeare!

We thought we were smart, but it turns out we're porn-addicted dummies who've never read Shakespeare. Ay, me!

Muslim Restaurant Declares War On Christmas By Offering Free Meals To Homeless, Elderly. What Are They Up To????

A Muslim-owned restaurant in London is doing something nice for its neighbors on Christmas. Unfortunately, the story is on the internet.
That might explain a lot, actually

Trump’s Top Christian Dude Stopped A Tsunami By Yelling At It One Time, No Lie

Donald Trump's "liaison on Christian policy," Frank Amedia, is a powerful man of God who does faith healings on TV (offscreen, at least), and kept the 2011 jJapanese tsunami from hurting anyone. In Hawaii.

Crazy Christian Lady Sick And Tired Of Satan Raping Her Babies At Target

Y'all, this transgender bathroom business MIGHT be starting to get a little bit ridiculous.

Crazy Monster Drink Lady Hopes You Appreciate How Much Your Mom Loves Dick

Did you hug your mom on Mother's Day and thank her for loving penis so much? WHY NOT, YOU UNGRATEFUL BASTARD?

Ted Cruz Narrowly Escapes Jaws Of Muslim Brotherhood

It's a day, so Ted Cruz is being a dick. Monday morning, he told a gay man at a town hall in New York how much he loves religious liberty, and how it applies to EVERYBODY, including Christians, Jews, atheists, and...

Hey, Maybe Don’t Tell Gay Servers You Hope They Get Stoned (At Least Not With Rocks)

Haven't gotten enough Worst Customer stories in Off The Menu lately? We've got another one for you today. A server at Zada Jane's in Charlotte, North Carolina says an extremely standoffish table not only didn't leave her a tip, they...

Mickey Mouse Murders Jesus Christ, Wingnuts Outraged

Well, folks, it's hunting season. In fact, the Christians seem to have overbred this year, and so "They" (AKA big corporations like Disney AKA Mickey Mouse and all his pals) have declared "open season" on Christians. Wait what? That's unpossible! But...

Pat Robertson Doesn’t Understand Why NFL Loves Georgia Buttsex So Much

America's senile grandpa Pat Robertson is having a confuseness in his brain. You see, Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal (The Republican) announced that he would veto HB 757, a bill to protect the "religious freedom" of dongweasel lunatic fundamentalist Christians...

Texas Muslin Ain’t Want None A-Them Fake Hindu Gods Muckin’ Up His Dairy Queen

A Dairy Queen owner in Texas has come under public fire for posting really bigoted signs about someone else's religion. OH BOY, it's Texas, must mean another Christian shitting on Muslims, we're so tired of -- wait, the asshat...
Soon, she will be feeding the tree of liberty.

Idaho Defends Crucial Parental Right To Let Own Kids Die For Funsies

Oh, Idaho. Poor, sad, desperately WTF Idaho, the Florida of the part of the country you always forget exists. What the H-E-double hockey sticks are you up to now? Oh, just protecting the right of parents to let their children die,...

Missouri Democrats Literally Could Not Shut Up About Gay People This Week

If you happen to be passing through the Missouri state house today, there are some Democratic state senators who deserve a pat on the back and whatever free Frosty coupons you might have lying around, because they tried VERY...