Tag: christianity

He Declared Bankruptcy For Your Sins

Donald Trump Fires Pope For Being Bad At Jesus

Holy shots fired! Even New Pope Frank has some unchristian things to say about a certain candidate whose hat he definitely isn't wearing on his blessed head anytime soon: “A person who thinks only about building walls, wherever they may be, and not...
Thy rod and thy staff, they comfort Heidi.

Ted Cruz’s Wife Libels God, Says He Looks Like Ted Cruz

Ted Cruz has one of the creepiest faces of any human ever to anchor baby hisself into America. It's that special combination of how he doesn't know how to genuinely smile -- he constantly sports the expression of a person who KNOWS...
Probably how it happens.

South Dakota Would Like To Take A Stab At Gay-Bashing Now

In 2015, The Supreme Court forced all Americans to do gay to each other's butts within the bonds of holy homosexual matrimony, and the transgenders started invading all the Good Christian Potties and peeping on the ladies applying their...
Things that aren't in his mouth right now: Semen lattes. Allegedly.

Nice Pastor Will Sell Church To Homos In Exchange For Butt Baby Love Offerings

Have you met this nice, totally normal pastor of the Gospel of Jesus Christ, James David Manning? He is the main dude of the Atlah Worldwide Ministries in Harlem, and his church is up for auction due to how...
BYE YOU DUGGAR-LOVIN' MOTHERFUCKER

Dearest Mike Huckabee: So Long, Farewell, Aufwiedersehen, Burn In Hell

By now, you may have heard the saddest news ever to come out of the big dumbocrap whatchamahoozit known as the Iowa caucuses: Mike Huckabee will no longer be pretending to "run for president," and will instead have to...
PFFFFFT JESUS.

Sarah Palin Would Never Judge You For Not Loving Jesus, As Long As You’re Donald Trump

Oh ho ho ho ho, you want to eat a fried moose sandwich with OMG hypocrisy sauce for breakfast this morning, the day of the big Iowa caucuses? Sarah Palin, whose latest grift (except for this one) is writing...
ooh, red eyes!!

One Million Moms Furious Olive Garden BFFs With Satan Now

Oh hey, look, One Million Moms, aka Seventeen Angry Dipsticks, is back! They're still mad about Fox's TV show "Lucifer," like they were before, but now they have a new target: Olive Garden, which sponsors the show. If you're not familiar...
OK not ALL the little children, according to Republicans.

Teabagger Congressman Furious With Obama For Stealing Jesus From Teabaggers

Remember Dave Brat? He is the teabagger who decided Virginia congressman Eric Cantor was a stinkin' liberal, primaried him from the right, and beat him, thus depriving Cantor of all his future hopes and dreams, and forcing John Boehner to...
Going directly to hell for making this meme, do not pass go, BRB.

Duggar BFF Bill Gothard Sorry For Doing Rapey Sex To All Those Ladies, On Their Feets

Last week, we told you that, in the shock of the century, creepy rightwinger homeschooling guru Bill Gothard, the man tasked with teaching young sibling diddlewanker Josh Duggar how to keep his hands out of his sisters' no-no spots,...
BYE YOU DUGGAR-LOVIN' MOTHERFUCKER

Mike Huckabee Yells At Lady To Shut Her Stupid Face About His Poor Duggar Pals

You might not like the politics of conservative cuddlebear Mike Huckabee, and you shouldn't, because they are terrible. But come on, everyone agrees he's so jolly and funny and fun, and even the liberal New York Jew Jon Stewart loved...
He's super pals with Mike Huckabee too!

Duggar Guru And Hobby Lobby BFF Bill Gothard Maybe A Rapist, No Big

Once upon a time, Josh Duggar was a little boy who had just fingerbanged a bunch of his kinfolk, and because he was very, very bad, his parents sent him off to "therapy" with a "family friend" in Little...
Can't fool her with your "gotcha" questions.

Sarah Palin Guesses Atheist President Would Be Better Than ISIS, Oof Gosh!

The Thing What Squozed Bristol Out Of Its Moose Parts is talking again, because The Thing still has a book to sell. (It's a Bible devotional doohickey, but with all the lovey gay Jesus words crossed out and replaced...

Fox Doesn’t Find Your Zombie Jesus Jokes Funny, Young Man

Have you heard about the zombies? Zombie Mary and Zombie Joseph and little Zombie Baby Jesus, away in a manger on some dude's lawn in Sycamore Township, Ohio? Yes, the Zombie Nativity Scene is a thing. Quite a thing!...
Newsweek's gift to posterity

Deleted Comments: Like Your Master Obama, Wonkette Wants To Destroy America

So here's one heck of a surprise: Most of our deleted comments this week are about the Paris terrorist attacks, and the subsequent mass pants-soiling by Republican governors, Republican presidential candidates, and the truly rank Republican rank & file...
Ugh.

Mike Huckabee: Syrian Refugees Are Just Like That Time I Ate The Bad Squirrel Meat

Long before the Paris attacks happened, Mike Huckabee, presidential candidate and sometimes conjugal visit sex lover of Kim Davis (ALLEGEDLY!), had already won the blue ribbon for "most ignorant, stupid, hateful thing ever said about the Syrian refugees." Huck was...
Don't make Muscle Jesus angry. You wouldn't like Him when He's angry.

Deleted Comments: You Can’t Be A Liberal And A Christian, Duh

Once in a while we'll get an influx of angry new commenters who are very, VERY unhappy with something we've published, but we have no idea how they found the piece to be outraged by in the first place....