Tag Archives: christian textbooks

  Tomorrow Belongs To Him

Sundays With The Christianists: How Homeschooling Will Re-Christianize America

Lots of good jobs for women, too!
Remember the anecdote about what Gandhi supposedly said when asked what he thought of Western Civilization? “I think it would be a good idea.” Colorado radio preacher and homeschooling advocate Kevin Swanson has a slightly different answer — he’d say “I think it’s been corrupted by Satan from the very beginning.” This is why people like the Gandhi quote, even if it’s probably apocryphal. But here we are, finally, at the end of Swanson’s e-tirade, Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, which lays out his case that most of what we think of as Western Culture is in fact a grand plot by the Father of Lies to turn Europe and America away from Biblical truth and clean Christian living. In his final chapter, “Gardens in the Ashes,” Swanson presents his vision for how American Christians can begin to rebuild a truly Christian society after the inevitable collapse of secularism. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: How Homeschooling Will Re-Christianize America…
  all along the watchtowers

Sundays With The Christianists: Their Satanic Majesties Request … MORE COWBELL!

Satan's gang signs -- All the proof you need!
Rightwing radio preacher and homeschooling guru Kevin Swanson is starting to let us down, folks — the penultimate chapter of his e-rant about the inevitable doom of western civilization is just about the laziest attack on the supposedly corrupting influence of popular music that we’ve read in quite a while. He’s devoted most of his e-guide to the cultural apocalypse, Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, to explaining why most of the “great” works of Western philosophy and literature have actually served to debase our civilization and attack Christianity, which leaves his single chapter on popular culture feeling like something of an afterthought, although he certainly bills it as a real barn-burner: Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Their Satanic Majesties Request … MORE COWBELL!…
  In Derpiest Battle

Sundays With The Christianists: John Steinbeck Invented ‘Bortion, Wrote Evil Books

A movie about a temptress, we guess
Now here’s a surprise: a rightwing Christian rant against John Steinbeck that barely mentions The Grapes of Wrath at all. If nothing else, we can credit wingnut radio preacher and homeschooling “expert” Kevin Swanson with this much: He’s not always predictable. Or at least, while his opinions are completely predictable, the particular topics he chooses to obsess about aren’t necessarily what you’d expect. We’ve reached the end of the literature survey portion of Swanson’s ebook manifesto, Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, although he still has a couple of chapters on modern popular culture for us to slog through in his screed about the decline of Western civilization from a nonexistent Christian norm. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: John Steinbeck Invented ‘Bortion, Wrote Evil Books…
  The Old Man And The C-Minus

Sundays With The Christianists: Ernest Hemingway Will Lure You To Hell Or Key West

That desk makes us feel better.
Is Ernest Hemingway still a big deal? We guess he’s still a big deal, still in anthologies and literature classes, although his hyper-macho manly creed of manliness makes for pretty easy parody. He’s certainly a big deal to rightwing radio preacher and homeschooling advocate Kevin Swanson, who lets Hemingway carry half the burden of representing all of 20th-century literature in his premature report on the death of Western civilization, Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West (the other representative of the century is John Steinbeck, who we’ll get to next week). Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Ernest Hemingway Will Lure You To Hell Or Key West…
  Mostly True With Some Stretchers

Sundays With The Christianists: Satan Done Wrote ‘Huckleberry Finn’

More proof of his apostacy!
We’re beginning to get the feeling that Kevin Swanson, the Colorado radio preacher and homeschooling advocate, doesn’t like America very much. Just maybe. His ebook Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West is mostly a rant about how America would be a much better place if only it were post-Reformation Europe, or at the very least if it were Puritan New England before they allowed in all those Quakers and voted for Dukakis. Mark Twain sits at the top of Swanson’s Public Intellectual Enemies list, because, as Swanson says, Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Satan Done Wrote ‘Huckleberry Finn’…
  Pudd'nhead Swanson

Sundays With The Christianists: Mark Twain Was Really Unfair To Slavery In ‘Huckleberry Finn’

Leviticus warns about this
We’ll give Colorado radio preacher and homeschooling maven Kevin Swanson some credit: the guy has Big Ideas, and in his ebook Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, he’s not afraid to make bold claims. His goal, after all, is to prove that Western civilization has been in decline ever since Thomas Aquinas started letting pagan Aristotelian logic into his theology, and that virtually every aspect of what people think of as our culture is really an attack on the Bible, which is our real culture. So maybe it’s no surprise that when it comes to slavery, the central sin of American history,  Swanson explains that the worst thing about it was that America didn’t do slavery in the way the Bible intended. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Mark Twain Was Really Unfair To Slavery In ‘Huckleberry Finn’…
  letters from the derp

Sundays With The Christianists: Why ‘Huckleberry Finn’ Is Eeeevil (Not The Reasons You Thought!)

Come back to the drag show agin, Huck honey
We’ve decided that we’re actually rather grateful to wingnut radio preacher Kevin Swanson for writing his bizarre e-screed Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, which makes the case that American and European civilization have been ruined by all of our philosophy and literature. We’d be much better off, Swanson suggests, if we lived like the Puritans, only maybe with the internet so Kevin Swanson could do his podcast and sell ebooks. Why are we grateful to Kevin Swanson? Because his awful little book’s awful chapter on Mark Twain finally reminded us to pick up a terrific biography of Twain’s later life, Mark Shelden’s Mark Twain: Man in White: The Grand Adventure of His Final Years. It’s a heck of a fine book that had been sitting on our shelf just waiting for us to get to it, and it’s a fine reality-based counterpoint to Swanson’s caricature of Twain. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Why ‘Huckleberry Finn’ Is Eeeevil (Not The Reasons You Thought!)…
  Book Of Hatchet Job

Sundays with the Christianists: How Mark Twain Steered America Toward Hell

Mark Twain and his familiar
You may have thought that Mark Twain was some kind of literary genius, but did you also know that he personally ruined America by being such a good writer of books, which ruined America? We’ve finally reached the chapter we’ve been waiting for in Kevin Swanson’s culture-war epic Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, in which the Colorado radio preacher and homeschooling advocate explains how pretty much everything we think of as Western Civilization is actually an assault on true civilization, by which he means the Bible and people who read it like Kevin Swanson does. We bought this horrible little e-book last year after Swanson talked about Twain with fellow wingnut Rick Wiles and claimed that Twain was clearly influenced by demons. We figured it would be a pretty good fight: America’s greatest writer versus a rightwing radio preacher who thinks birth control pills fill women’s innards with hundreds of fossilized dead babies. Our money was definitely on the literary genius, who still held the advantage despite being dead for over a century. Read more on Sundays with the Christianists: How Mark Twain Steered America Toward Hell…
  The House Of Seven Goebbels

Sundays With The Christianists: Why ‘The Scarlet Letter’ Is Bad For Jesus And America

Of course there's a manga version
It’s Pearl Harbor Day, so what more fitting time to talk about an attack on America? Only this isn’t an attack from some evil foreign empire (redundant, since all foreigns are evil) but from within. As we’re learning from wingnut radio preacher and homeschooling advocate Kevin Swanson, we’re under attack by our very own cultural touchstones — at least those that aren’t the Holy Bible. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Why ‘The Scarlet Letter’ Is Bad For Jesus And America…
  Young Goodman Brownshirt

Sundays With The Christianists: Nathaniel Hawthorne Had A Co-Author. Was It Satan?

We just like saying 'Gish'
If it’s Sunday, this must be Christianists! Time to get all literary again, as we learn how Nathaniel Hawthorne is personally responsible for destroying Christianity in America, at least according to homeschooling advocate and radio preacher Kevin Swanson and his intellectual e-book masterpiece Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West. Swanson documents, in irrefutable detail, how pretty much everything we think of as “Western Culture” has actually been part of an assault on Christianity, from Thomas Aquinas to Disney. (OK, Disney isn’t in the book. But Swanson does think Disney movies will make your kids become gay witches.) Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Nathaniel Hawthorne Had A Co-Author. Was It Satan?…
  Is This A Duggar I See Before Me?

Sundays With The Christianists: Shakespeare Was A Pagan, Maybe A Homo

Lord, what fools these Colorado radio preachers be
Brush off your iambic pentameter, ye Wonklings, because this week, homeschooling advocate, radio preacher, and culture warrior Kevin Swanson is taking on that arch-apostate, the Immortal Bard Of Avon. We’ve been reading Swanson’s not-quite-bestselling e-book Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, which makes a persuasive case that no period of history has ever been Christian enough for Kevin Swanson. This week, we’re ready to switch from Swanson’s Heresy Day Tour of famous philosophers* to his attacks on the Western literary canon, which of course is full of malcontents, humanists, and people doing Satan’s work by writing things that are more interesting than the Bible. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Shakespeare Was A Pagan, Maybe A Homo…
  The Origin Of Specious

Sundays With The Christianists: Charles Darwin Was A Very Bad Man, A Very Bad Man Indeed

We have no context for this image. But Charles Darwin WILL learn you on this.
If it’s Sunday, it must be time for another foray into the mind of Colorado radio man o’ God and homeschooling big wheel Kevin Swanson, the genius who warns that the Girl Scouts are communist lesbians whose cookies fund abortions and lesbianism, although we aren’t sure why lesbians are having all those abortions anyway. We’ve been delving into Swanson’s 2013 freshman term paper book Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, a sloppy little history of the ideas and thinkers who have been ruining Western Culture by making it what we think of as “Western Culture.” Last week, we learned that Karl Marx was a monster who starved his children (no he wasn’t) and who was driven by actual contact with demons. This week, it’s Charles Darwin’s turn to get Swansoned, although we suppose it’s possible that even after Apostate has completely dismantled him, Darwin may still be considered important, because people are just that stubborn and prone to evil. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Charles Darwin Was A Very Bad Man, A Very Bad Man Indeed…
  The Socialist Network

Sundays With The Christianists: Marx Was Wrong Because Jesus Loved Inequality

We simply couldn't find a Marxist anime demon girl
Happy Dia De Los Muertos, all you Wonkees! Grab a candy skull and let’s commune with the spirits of the departed, which of course probably sounds like consorting with demons to our favorite deranged Christianist, Colorado radio preacher Kevin Swanson. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Marx Was Wrong Because Jesus Loved Inequality…
  The Marx of the Beast

Sundays With The Christianists: Homos And Demons And Marx, Oh My!

Why is there a union jack on the skull? Your guess is as good as any. Let's say it represent Marx's London years.
Here we are at Part 3 of our dive into Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, by Kevin Swanson, the radio preacher who likes to warn that the Pill leaves women’s wombs chock full of tiny dead babies, like some kind of horrifying death-muffin, and that his home state of Colorado has become one big gay pot orgy all the time, just like North Korea. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: Homos And Demons And Marx, Oh My!…
  Still More Lies From The Pit Of Hell

Sundays With The Christianists: How Western Culture Got All Satanic

Image dimensions: 700 X 666 -- we swear it just worked out that way
Welcome to part 2 of our exploration of Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West, by Colorado radio preacher Kevin Swanson, whose goal in this book is to explain just how Western Civilization was destroyed by just about everything that we commonly think of as Western Civilization — and which was, moreover, mostly inspired by Satan. As we said last week, in Swanson’s view, the pinnacle of Western culture begins and more or less ends with the Bible, and literary works that are 100% in keeping with Biblical precepts — for instance, he thinks that Augustine’s Confessions and Bunyan’s The Pilgrim’s Progress are a pretty good basis for all the literature classes you’d ever need. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: How Western Culture Got All Satanic…
  Still More Lies From The Pit Of Hell

Sundays With The Christianists: How Satan Did Western Civilization

Your history tutor
Welp, it took us over a year, but we’ve finally gotten around to reading a book that we warned you about in August 2013: Colorado radio preacher Kevin Swanson, one of our favorite minor-league Christianist nutters, went and wrote a book last year called Apostate: The Men Who Destroyed the Christian West. As the title suggests, it’s all about the death of Western Civilization, which is on its last legs due to what most of us would call the greatest works of our own culture. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: How Satan Did Western Civilization…
  Jesus We're Finally Finished

Sundays With The Christianists: America, The Postscript

'Merica!
We wrapped up the “history” part of our rightwing Christian textbooks last week, but like any conversation you’ve ever had with a fundamentalist, they still have more to say at us. Both of our textbooks have nice summing-up sections devoted to reminding kids one last time What Makes America Special. Spoiler: It’s Freedom and Jesus. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: America, The Postscript…
  Omission Accomplished

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Kept Us Safe From Terrorism

He Kept Us Mostly Safe Kind Of
Well, fans of Christianist textbooks, just like in 1989, we’re just about at the end of history once again, or at least the end of our two rightwing Christian textbooks, almost. Last week, our 11/12th-grade textbook, United States History for Christian Schools (Bob Jones University Press, 2002), closed out* with a discussion of the 2000 election, so this week, we’ll rely solely on the the most fanciful textbook we’ve ever seen, A Beka’s 8th-grade America: Land I Love (2006), which advised us that George W. Bush’s “most important” qualification was that he “unashamedly identified himself as a born-again Christian” who “took a bold stand against moral evils such as abortion and gay rights.” And his presidency was almost as wonderful as Reagan’s, we learn, largely because Dubya rescued us from the horrors of the Clinton years. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Kept Us Safe From Terrorism…
  electile dysfunction

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books With The Accuracy Of A Florida Election

Hey, folks, are you ready to relive the 2000 election? As if some of us didn’t spend most of 2000 through 2008 doing that already? Go dimple your chads, because it’s time for some butterfly ballots, Christian-textbook style! Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books With The Accuracy Of A Florida Election…
  jay leno monologues were more educational

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Are Close, But No Cigar

Here we are kids, at the lowest point* of the Clinton administration: the Lewinsky affair and impeachment. But how are textbooks for the fundamentalist Christian homeschool market supposed to approach the topic? On the one hand, there’s big Presidential Sin, but on the other, S-E-X. Not all that surprisingly, our middle-school textbook skirts the details, while our high-school text looks mostly at the legal case, not the affair. Neither mentions a blue dress or a blowjob, though in that delicacy, we should note that they’re in line with secular texts. Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Are Close, But No Cigar…
  lies damned lies and a beka book

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Leave Reality To Other People

Better fire up your modems and log into your AOL account (or Prodigy for you hipsters). Time for another look at the ruinous near-decade of prosperity under Bill Clinton, as refracted through the Truthiness Lens of rightwing Christian textbooks. This week, foreign affairs! (And next week, we’ll get to the other kind.) Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Textbooks That Leave Reality To Other People…
  smells like teen spiritual decline

Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books That Avoid Irrational Exuberence

Put on a plaid flannel shirt and break out your Nirvana CDs, kids, because our rightwing Christian textbooks are looking at the ’90s: Bill Clinton is the president, and America is in deep moral decline, because didn’t you just read the name of the president? Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: American History Books That Avoid Irrational Exuberence…