Wonkette

The Baby America died tonight, as Patriotic Hero Chris Peden lost his bid to unseat Dr. Congressman Ron Paul, who has cruelly used his Texas’ congressional district 14 seat to aid and abet America’s enemies, such as Gold. Wonkette sheds a tear tonight, as our nation is finished, and the Constitution is forgotten. Fare thee well, good prince Chris. You will get your true crown in Heaven. [Reason]

When brave CPA and proud Christian conservative Chris Peden decided to run against incumbent Congressman Ron Paul in Texas’ 14th Congressional District, there was one challenge he didn’t count on: Hillary Clinton. And now it appears the Senator from New York may prove just as adept at ruining things for Republicans as she is for hope-loving Democrats! MORE »

This has been circulating for a little while, but the question lingers: why won’t Ron Paul debate his congressional primary opponent Chris Peden, that delightful everyman for whom everyone should vote? Peden sure wants to debate, because he’s right on every issue and Ron Paul is weird. Yet Ron Paul asks, “What is there to debate?” and then declares Peden “needs to debate with himself!” Oh Ron, you just know that if Peden debated God, Peden would mop the floor with his 20-foot-tall ass. Video evidence of this blight to society, after the jump. MORE »

RON PAUL WILL MEET HIS WATERLOO AT THE MEAUX FAMILY’S CRAWFISH BOIL TONIGHT: Pay no attention to the disastrous poll results released today. American hero and CPA Chris Peden will win Texas Congressional District 14 in a landslide as long as everyone attends this vital get-out-the-vote/crawfish-boiling effort in Stowell, Texas. [Chris Peden For Congress]

Even though we gave newcomer Chris Peden one of our coveted Wonkette endorsements yesterday, the patriotic American CPA may still lose the Republican primary on March 4 to that blame-America-first baby maker, Dr. Congressman Ron Paul. Tragic new polls show the veteran representative is up by 32 points over Peden. What saved the Doctor’s Love Revolution, at least in Texas Congressional District 12? MORE »

If you’re a Ron Paul supporter, there are many reasons not to like his congressional opponent, Chris Peden. He is young and handsome and well-regarded by the people in his district, for example. But there is one other reason not to like Chris Peden: he doesn’t have nearly the vast obstetrical experience as Texas Congressional District 14’s incumbent! MORE »

Meet Chris Peden, a Republican accountant and small-town Texas councilman. If all goes well, on March 4 this charming young conservative is going to kick Ron Paul out of Congress. Wonkette went to the Katy Area Republicans meeting Tuesday night to speak to Chris Peden in the flesh and bring you this EXCLUSIVE and GROUNDBREAKING interview with Texas Congressional District 14’s last best hope for vanquishing the Paultards now and forever. MORE »